11 Ways to Boost Your Sexuality and Confidence During Sex

Sex – the culmination of pleasure, and a very important part for most relationships! The secret to creating the perfect bedroom experience lies in the confidence boost you give yourself before and during sex.

We’ve all been there. The right partner, the right mood, and the right moment all in the same place. That’s when we’re at our best. Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, whether you’re straight, gay, bisexual, sex is great and there are a ton of ways to improve your sex life.

This time let’s talk about 11 ways to boost your sexuality and confidence during sex.

*Tips are sorted in no particular order and can be done separately. 

Read time: approximately 14 minutes

11 Ways to Boost Your Sexuality and Confidence During Sex

“Flip the Switch” Into A Focused Mindset

If you’re in the mood for sex, but not sure how to turn on your own mind, think about the last time you had sex that was amazing.

What were you thinking about? What were your own thoughts and feelings? How did your mind change the moment you started making out? 

Sex is a very powerful force that can change someone's mood. It is a good idea to think about the last time you were feeling sexy and confident.

The way you felt then can help you to be in the same mood or feeling again. 

"Set the Table” to Turn on Your Sensuality

The key, of course, is to know how to use sensuality. One way to start is to turn up the heat in the bedroom, and not just in the temperature.

To help make sure your partner’s interest isn’t waning, it can be helpful to spice things up by taking turns, using different positions, or playing with lighting.

You can also help increase your partner's sexual pleasure by focusing on his/her physical senses. For instance, you could use a new type of sex toy, or even try a new lube or position.

A new study conducted by the Kinsey Institute shows that women who are sensual during intercourse have more satisfying sex and more frequent orgasms.

The study involved 100 women, ages 18 to 42, and asked them to rate their partners’ sexual performance on a 1-to-10 scale.

Then they rated their own satisfaction and frequency of orgasm. They were also asked to answer a series of questions about how often they engaged in a variety of sex acts.

The research found that women who were more sensual during sex were less likely to feel dissatisfied with their partner’s sexual performance, and more likely to have multiple orgasms. It’s a win-win.

Boost confidence during sex

“Switch to an Orgasmic Focus”

If you’re going to feel sexy, then you have to act sexy. And if you’re going to act sexy, you have to feel sexy and in order to feel sexy, you need to feel confident.

Feeling sexy requires that you feel confident in your body, so it’s important to switch from a sexual focus to an orgasmic focus to feel confident. The goal is to become comfortable with your own body as a sexual tool.

The first step? Start by learning what parts of your body are sensitive and pleasurable during sex. You can test this by asking your partner or during solo play.

For this, you need to be relaxed and at ease in your body. You have to get over the idea that you have to look like someone else in order to look good.

You don't have to do anything except enjoy yourself. To be confident, you have to switch your focus from looking at other people and thinking about how they look to being focused on your own feelings during sex.

“Reach for the Stars” to Build Confidence

“Reach for the stars” is a popular term in general, and it also applies in the world of sex.

It's also a simple but powerful principle: when we want to achieve something, we need to aim high, don't think too much, and take the time to feel good.

So, when you are in bed with your partner, try to focus on the moment. It's easy to worry about what is going to happen next or even plan for what is to come.

But when you aim to just enjoy the present, it can be a great way to build confidence. So, when the moment comes, focus your energy on the right things – how good you feel, how good you make your partner feel, and the pleasure all around!

“Dress” for the Occasion

This is a simple yet extremely important tip. Looks are not the most important part of a relationship, or even to boosting confidence, but hell, it helps a lot.

In the modern-day, when we have millions of things to do, often we forget to dress up. Yes, we might wear nice clothes to work, but that is not the same as dressing up for ourselves!

Today we have access to all kinds of apparel and cosmetics, so it is important to from time to time take out our best wear and put it on!

And at the end of the day – wear something sexy! Either it is new lingerie, a promiscuous dress, or nothing at all!

You will see – when you will feel beautiful (or handsome), you will also be more confident. And we are sure – your partner will appreciate that as well!

Dress sexy for sex

“Lose Yourself” in The Moment

Orgasm is a peak experience that we all seek to enjoy. We don’t want to stop it and we don’t want to miss it.

But for many people, this climatic peak experience is usually not reached or, when reached, it is short-lived. It comes on fast and then it’s gone.

So how can we make sure that we enjoy orgasm, and are able to experience it often?

It’s simple: just lose yourself in the moment. Don’t think about anything else or worry about the future or the past. The moment you are in now is all that matters.

Of course, this is easier said than done, but by taking small steps, and each time when you have sex try to intentionally focus on the experience and block out everything else.

When you are having your peak experience, don’t try to control or direct what you are experiencing. Let go of thinking and let the body do its thing.

At first, you will have to do it intentionally, but eventually, you will be able to lose yourself even without thinking.

When you are letting go of the distractions and be in the moment, there is nothing that you can do that will make you enjoy it more, and the orgasm as well will come like never before. It’s just a matter of letting go and enjoying what you are doing.

And how does this correspond to boosting your confidence? Well, simple, when you are in the moment, you are free from any awkwardness and the confidence comes naturally.

“Let Go” of What You Think Should be

That’s right — let go of all preconceived ideas of what you think you deserve and are supposed to give.

If you’ve got some kind of idea of what your partner would like you to do in bed, or you’re looking forward to your sexual encounter because you know you’ll get something that you’ve wanted, your expectations may affect how good the actual experience feels.

There is nothing as big as a turn-off, as a huge disappointment. And, you know, if you will feel disappointed, you definitely won’t feel confident, which will affect the whole experience.

One thing you can do is have a “no expectations” mentality when you’re having sex. Don’t anticipate anything, so that you can have a true sexual encounter, where everything can happen.

But, if you do have some expectations, be sure that you are the one that makes them happen. Either by taking action yourself or by communicating to your partner.

If you want something – ask! Express your desires. But remember that not always you will receive what you asked for, so be sure to accept any answer. Don’t pressure your partner, as it might kill the moment.

The best route to take, when you wish to tell what you want, is to have a mutual conversation about your fantasies – and do this before you intend to have sex, not in the heat of the moment.

And an amazing ice-breaker for such talks, are the Naughty Conversations – a collection of 100 questions about sex, fantasies and desires. Let them do the asking, so you don’t have to!

Naughty Conversations to boost confidence

“Be Honest” to your partner and yourself

Confidence comes with being honest. If you want to feel confident and in turn make your partner feel good, you will have to be honest.

You can do that by asking her what your partner is feeling and what they like and vice versa – tell him/her what you like.

When you are trying to make it happen, you shouldn't be shy about talking about your feelings.

In fact, you should do this every chance you get. Your feelings can be very intense. You may even get excited just thinking about the kind of feelings that you are going to experience with your partner.

It's important to focus on the feeling. When you are trying to make love last, you should concentrate on having a good time and not getting stuck on anything else.

Try not to think about the past or think about the future. What you need is right now.

It’s important to let yourself go and just enjoy yourself. That's the way that you will make having sex more fun and more pleasurable.

“Take Charge” of the Action

What is sexier than a partner, who takes action! When you know what to do and then do it – it radiates confidence.

Whether you’re in a relationship or not, the key to being in charge of your sex life is to take control.

You’ve got to take charge of your sexual health and use the power of sexual dominance and submission to get what you want.

Yes, also being submissive, is taking action, just be sure that you are actively being submissive. It may sound counterintuitive, but intentional in-action is action.

In fact, this type of power exchange is a great way to spice up your sex life. It’s also a fantastic way to have fun in the bedroom and create sexual intimacy and connection.

If you wish to start taking action in the bedroom, a great way to start is to try out the Kinky Game – it is a card game for couples that provides you with 50 spicy activities sorted in these 5 categories: Dominance, Bondage, Vanilla, Outdoors, Sex Toys.

This game is not for complete beginners, but it is a great tool to play out many new exciting sexual activities – in the bedroom and outside it.

Kinky Game for better sex

“Be Willing to Take Risks”

We've all had experiences where we've wanted to be more adventurous in bed but didn't feel comfortable taking risks.

This feeling can be the result of a few different things, including fear of being judged by your partner, having a limited experience base, feeling awkward, or simply being shy.

However, if you're able to put aside these fears, there are a lot of fun and exciting ways to increase the spontaneity of your bedroom.

The following tips will help get you over some of these mental blocks:

  • Communicate your desires with your partner. It may turn out that you both want the same thing!

  • Take small steps. Maybe you want to try out a new toy on your partner? Then, for example, try to mimic this toy with your hands and ask your partner, if he/she liked it. If the answer was “yes” – propose trying out the toy. 

  • Maybe there is a fantasy you wish to realize with your partner, but don’t know how to express it? Then you could show it! Find a blog post or a porn clip – show it to your partner and just ask, is this something that is a turn on or not? 

  • Lastly, you can just go all in – just do what you wish to do! But, in this case, remember, that it can be a win or miss. It might be the best thing ever, but in the meantime, be prepared to accept “no”, if your partner is not happy with this surprise.

“Create a Safe Space” where You Can Experiment

It’s amazing what you can learn about your partner and yourself when you're not worried about being judged. A judgment-free environment is the perfect setting to find out your sexuality and let loose your desires.

You’ll find some of the best things to talk about in a relationship when you’re both open to new ideas and won’t judge each other.

This does not mean – agree to every single fantasy, but to at least hear out your partner and learn their sexual preferences (and tabus), so you can know what to expect, what not to expect, and what are your boundaries.

In a safe space, you can be free to be yourself, take risks, and experiment to find new ways to enhance your sexual experience.

And it is just a wonderful feeling when you feel free in your relationship and don’t have to hold in your desires or worry about being judged!

It will make you confident and create a lot of sexy and hot moments in your relationship!

Become more confident during sex


There is no magic pill to boost your confidence during sex, but here are some tips that can be effective.

You can let go of any baseless expectations and judgment, you can take action, focus on the pleasure not on the distractions, and many more that are explained in this article.

Also, you should try not to compare yourself to anyone else. Instead, focus on the fact that you’re having fun with your partner and enjoying it just the way it is.

Slowly practicing at least some of these things will eventually make you more confident, which will then make better sex, better orgasms, and simply a better relationship between the two of you.

When you’re feeling especially confident, you will see that not only your relationship is getting a boost, but also your look at life will improve. 

If you’re feeling playful, try some of these foreplay activities that will drive your partner wild.

As always, feel free to read other relationship tips and look around our store to find some thoughtful and sexy gifts for couples.

We would love to hear from you!

Maybe, we missed a tip that you think is essential when boosting sexual confidence?

What are your thoughts on the importance of being confident to have a great sexual experience? 

Leave your thoughts in the comment section below!

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