Sexual Health Tips (18+) · Feb 04, 2022

11 Ways to Boost Your Sexuality and Confidence During Sex

Updated: May 14th, 2024

Sex – the culmination of pleasure, and a very important part for most relationships! The secret to creating the perfect bedroom experience lies in the confidence boost you give yourself before and during sex.

We’ve all been there. The right partner, the right mood, and the right moment all in the same place. That’s when we’re at our best. Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, whether you’re straight, gay, bisexual, sex is great and there are a ton of ways to improve your sex life.

This time let’s talk about 11 ways to boost your sexuality and confidence during sex.

*Tips are sorted in no particular order and can be done separately.

Read time: approximately 14 minutes

11 Ways to Boost Your Sexuality and Confidence During Sex

“Flip the Switch” Into A Focused Mindset to Boost Your Sexuality

If you’re in the mood for sex, but not sure how to turn on your own mind, think about the last time you had sex that was amazing.

What were you thinking about? What were your own thoughts and feelings? How did your mind change the moment you started making out?

Sex is a very powerful force that can change someone's mood. It is a good idea to think about the last time you were feeling sexy and confident.

The way you felt then can help you to be in the same mood or feeling again.

"Set the Table” to Turn on Your Sensuality for Sexual Pleasure

The key, of course, is to know how to use sensuality. One way to start is to turn up the heat in the bedroom, and not just in the temperature.

To help make sure your partner’s interest isn’t waning, it can be helpful to spice things up by taking turns, using different positions, or playing with lighting.

You can also help increase your partner's sexual pleasure by focusing on his/her physical senses. For instance, you could use a new type of sex toy, or even try a new lube or position.

A new study conducted by the Kinsey Institute shows that women who are sensual during intercourse have more satisfying sex and more frequent orgasms. The study involved 100 women, ages 18 to 42, and asked them to rate their partners’ sexual performance on a 1-to-10 scale.

Then they rated their own satisfaction and frequency of orgasm. They were also asked to answer a series of questions about how often they engaged in a variety of sex acts.

The research found that women who were more sensual during sex were less likely to feel dissatisfied with their partner’s sexual performance, and more likely to have multiple orgasms. It’s a win-win.

Reach Orgasm With Confidence During Sex

Feeling sexy starts with feeling confident in your own body. It’s not just about sex; it’s about focusing on your own pleasure and comfort to truly enjoy the experience. Here’s what I’ve learned from my own journey:

Get Comfortable with Your Body

To feel confident, you need to be comfortable with your own body. Start by exploring what parts of your body are most sensitive and pleasurable. This can be a fun and enlightening process, whether you do it alone or with your partner. During solo play, pay attention to the areas that feel the best. When with your partner, communicate openly about what feels good.

Relax and Let Go of Comparisons

One of the biggest hurdles is getting over the idea that you need to look a sure way to feel good. Trust me, this is easier said than done, but it’s crucial. Confidence doesn’t come from comparing yourself to others; it comes from embracing your own unique body. Focus on how you feel rather than how you look.

Enjoy the Moment

The key to confidence during sex is to switch your focus from worrying about appearances to enjoying the sensations. Be present in the moment. Notice how your body feels, how you respond to touch, and the pleasure you’re experiencing. This shift in focus can make a huge difference.

Practical Steps to Build Confidence

Self-Exploration: Spend time alone getting to know your body. Use your hands or toys to discover what feels good. This knowledge will boost your confidence during partnered sex.
Open Communication: Talk with your partner about what you like and what makes you feel good. This can enhance your connection and improve your sexual experiences.
Mindfulness: Practice being present during sex. When you notice your mind wandering to negative thoughts, gently bring it back to the sensations you’re feeling.
Positive Affirmations: Remind yourself that you are attractive and worthy of pleasure. Positive self-talk can boost your confidence over time.

Remember, feeling sexy and reaching orgasm with confidence is a journey. Be patient with yourself, embrace your body, and focus on what feels good for you.

“Reach for the Stars” to Build Confidence

To build confidence, embrace the principle of "reaching for the stars" by aiming high and taking the time to feel good without overthinking. It's a simple yet powerful approach to achieving what you want in any aspect of life, including your intimate moments.

Focus on the present moment when you're in bed with your partner. It's easy to get caught up in worrying about what will happen next or planning for what's to come. However, shifting your focus to the here and now can help you feel more connected and less anxious.

Concentrate on how good you feel, how much pleasure you share, and the connection between you and your partner. Enjoying the present moment and being mindful of the sensations and emotions can significantly boost your confidence and enhance your overall experience.

Boost Confidence and Intimacy by Dressing for the Occasion

While looks aren't everything in a relationship, dressing up can really boost your confidence and make your intimate moments even more special. In our busy lives, we often need to remember to dress up just for ourselves. We might wear nice clothes to work, but that's not the same as dressing up to feel good personally. With so many options available today, take some time to put on your favorite outfit, whether it's new lingerie, a sexy dress, or even nothing at all.

When you wear something that makes you feel attractive, your confidence will naturally increase. Trust us; your partner will notice and appreciate the effort.

Here's a practical tip: set aside one night a week for a "dress-up date night." Choose an outfit that makes you feel amazing, and encourage your partner to do the same. This simple routine can add a little extra spark to your relationship and make you feel great.

“Lose Yourself” in The Moment

Orgasm is a peak experience that we all seek to enjoy. We don’t want to stop it and we don’t want to miss it. But for many people, this climatic peak experience is usually not reached or, when reached, it is short-lived. It comes on fast and then it’s gone.

So how can we make sure that we enjoy orgasm, and are able to experience it often?

It’s simple: just lose yourself in the moment. Don’t think about anything else or worry about the future or the past. The moment you are in now is all that matters.

Of course, this is easier said than done, but by taking small steps, and each time when you have sex try to intentionally focus on the experience and block out everything else. When you are having your peak experience, don’t try to control or direct what you are experiencing. Let go of thinking and let the body do its thing.

At first, you will have to do it intentionally, but eventually, you will be able to lose yourself even without thinking.

When you are letting go of the distractions and be in the moment, there is nothing that you can do that will make you enjoy it more, and the orgasm as well will come like never before. It’s just a matter of letting go and enjoying what you are doing.

And how does this correspond to boosting your confidence? Well, simple, when you are in the moment, you are free from any awkwardness and the confidence comes naturally.

“Let Go” of What You Think Should be

That’s right — let go of all preconceived ideas of what you think you deserve and are supposed to give.

If you’ve got some kind of idea of what your partner would like you to do in bed, or you’re looking forward to your sexual encounter because you know you’ll get something that you’ve wanted, your expectations may affect how good the actual experience feels.

There is nothing as big as a turn-off, as a huge disappointment. And, you know, if you will feel disappointed, you definitely won’t feel confident, which will affect the whole experience.

One thing you can do is have a “no expectations” mentality when you’re having sex. Don’t anticipate anything, so that you can have a true sexual encounter, where everything can happen.

But, if you do have some expectations, be sure that you are the one that makes them happen. Either by taking action yourself or by communicating to your partner.

If you want something – ask! Express your desires. But remember that not always you will receive what you asked for, so be sure to accept any answer. Don’t pressure your partner, as it might kill the moment.

The best route to take, when you wish to tell what you want, is to have a mutual conversation about your fantasies – and do this before you intend to have sex, not in the heat of the moment.

And an amazing ice-breaker for such talks, are the Naughty Conversations – a collection of 100 questions about sex, fantasies and desires. Let them do the asking, so you don’t have to!

Naughty Conversations to boost confidence

The Naughty Conversations

Be Honest to Your Partner And Yourself

Building confidence in your relationship starts with honesty. Open communication is key to feeling more confident and helping your partner feel good. Talk to your partner about their feelings and preferences, and be clear about your own. It might feel awkward at first, but sharing your thoughts and desires can bring you closer together.

Make it a habit to discuss your feelings openly whenever possible. This helps create a deeper connection and understanding between you two. Focus on the present moment and enjoy the experience without worrying about the past or future.

By being honest and present, you'll find that intimacy becomes more fun and pleasurable for both of you. Letting go and simply enjoying each other is the best way to enhance your sexual confidence and overall relationship satisfaction.

Take Charge of the Action

What is sexier than a partner, who takes action! When you know what to do and then do it – it radiates confidence.

Whether you’re in a relationship or not, the key to being in charge of your sex life is to take control. You’ve got to take charge of your sexual health and use the power of sexual dominance and submission to get what you want.

Yes, also being submissive, is taking action, just be sure that you are actively being submissive. It may sound counterintuitive, but intentional in-action is action.

In fact, this type of power exchange is a great way to spice up your sex life. It’s also a fantastic way to have fun in the bedroom and create sexual intimacy and connection.

If you wish to start taking action in the bedroom, a great way to start is to try out the Kinky Game – it is a card game for couples that provides you with 50 spicy activities sorted in these 5 categories: Dominance, Bondage, Vanilla, Outdoors, Sex Toys.

This game is not for complete beginners, but it is a great tool to play out many new exciting sexual activities – in the bedroom and outside it.

The Kinky Game

Be Willing to Take Risks

We've all had experiences where we've wanted to be more adventurous in bed but didn't feel comfortable taking risks.

This feeling can be the result of a few different things, including fear of being judged by your partner, having a limited experience base, feeling awkward, or simply being shy.

However, if you're able to put aside these fears, there are a lot of fun and exciting ways to increase the spontaneity of your bedroom.

The following tips will help get you over some of these mental blocks:

Take small steps. Maybe you want to try out a new toy on your partner? Then, for example, try to mimic this toy with your hands and ask your partner, if he/she liked it. If the answer was “yes” – propose trying out the toy.
Maybe there is a roleplay fantasy you wish to realize with your partner, but don’t know how to express it? Then you could show it! Find a blog post or a porn clip – show it to your partner and just ask, is this something that is a turn on or not?
Lastly, you can just go all in – just do what you wish to do! But, in this case, remember, that it can be a win or miss. It might be the best thing ever, but in the meantime, be prepared to accept “no”, if your partner is not happy with this surprise.

Create a Safe Space Where You Can Experiment

It’s amazing what you can learn about your partner and yourself when you're not worried about being judged. A judgment-free environment is the perfect setting to find out your sexuality and let loose your desires.

You’ll find some of the best things to talk about in a relationship when you’re both open to new ideas and won’t judge each other.

This does not mean – agree to every single fantasy, but to at least hear out your partner and learn their sexual preferences (and taboos), so you can know what to expect, what not to expect, and what are your boundaries.

In a safe space, you can be free to be yourself, take risks, and experiment to find new ways to enhance your sexual experience. And it is just a wonderful feeling when you feel free in your relationship and don’t have to hold in your desires or worry about being judged!

It will make you confident and create a lot of sexy and hot moments in your relationship!

Conclusion

There is no magic pill to boost your confidence during sex, but here are some tips that can be effective.

You can let go of any baseless expectations and judgment, you can take action, focus on the pleasure not on the distractions, and many more that are explained in this article.

Also, you should try not to compare yourself to anyone else. Instead, focus on the fact that you’re having fun with your partner and enjoying it just the way it is.

Slowly practicing at least some of these things will eventually make you more confident, which will then make better sex, better orgasms, and simply a better relationship between the two of you.

When you’re feeling especially confident, you will see that not only your relationship is getting a boost, but also your look at life will improve.

If you’re feeling playful, try some of these foreplay activities that will drive your partner wild.

As always, feel free to read other relationship tips and look around our store to find some thoughtful and sexy gifts for couples.

We would love to hear from you!

Maybe, we missed a tip that you think is essential when boosting sexual confidence? What are your thoughts on the importance of being confident to have a great sexual experience? Leave your thoughts in the comment section below!

FAQ Section

How can I boost my confidence during sex?

Boosting your confidence during sex starts with feeling comfortable in your own body. Focus on what feels good for you, both during solo play and with your partner. Communicate openly about your preferences and desires. Embrace mindfulness by being present at the moment and letting go of any comparisons or unrealistic expectations. Dressing up in something that makes you feel attractive can also help increase your confidence.

What are some practical ways to improve sexual intimacy with my partner?

Improving sexual intimacy involves open communication and a willingness to experiment. Set aside time for activities like a "dress-up date night," where you both wear something that makes you feel amazing. Create a safe space for honest conversations about fantasies and boundaries. Try new things together, such as different positions, sex toys, or games like the "Kinky Game" to keep things exciting and fun.

How do I stay focused and present during sex?

Staying focused and present during sex involves practicing mindfulness. Concentrate on the sensations and emotions you're experiencing, and avoid letting your mind wander to worries about the past or future. Techniques like deep breathing and focusing on your partner's touch can help keep you in the moment. The more you practice this, the easier it will become to fully enjoy the experience.

How can I communicate my desires and boundaries effectively?

Effective communication about desires and boundaries starts with honesty and openness. Have conversations outside of the bedroom about what you enjoy and what you'd like to try. Use tools like the "Naughty Conversations" cards to facilitate these discussions. During intimate moments, express your needs clearly and listen to your partner's responses. Remember to approach these talks with patience and a non-judgmental attitude, creating a safe space for both of you to share.