Relationship Tips · Dec 21, 2022

Is It Common For Couples To Misunderstand Each Other In Arguments?

When it comes to communication in a relationship, misunderstandings can be all too common. It can lead to arguments and fights that could be avoided.

Whether it's a lack of clear communication or differing perspectives, couples often find themselves at odds with each other during heated discussions.

In some cases, these misunderstandings can escalate into full-blown arguments, leading to hurt feelings and a breakdown in the relationship. However, by being proactive and communicating openly and honestly, couples can work to prevent misunderstandings and resolve conflicts healthily and productively.

But why do couples misunderstand each other and is it a normal thing that happens? In this blog post, we'll explore the reasons of misunderstandings and offer some tips for avoiding them in the future.

Read time: approximately 10 minutes.

Is It Common For Couples To Misunderstand Each Other In Arguments?

Importance of Clear communication in relationships

Before we get into further discussions, it is essential to start by saying how important is healthy communication between a couple.

Good communication is one of the main pillars of a healthy, loving relationship. Without it, a relationship simply cannot function.

So, yes, it is extremely important, and it is one of the first things a couple should work on improving - regardless of whether they just started dating or have been married for years.

Clear communication also helps to build trust and foster a stronger, more connected partnership. When couples are open and honest with each other, they are more likely to feel understood and valued. This can create a positive feedback loop, where clear communication leads to a stronger relationship, which in turn leads to even better communication.

a young couple having an argument; both sitting on a sofa with their backs turned at each other

Risks of Regular Miscommunication

Couples may have different perspectives without clear communication, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts.

In the long run, misunderstandings can even damage trust and cause resentment up to the point of ripping the relationship apart. So, it's crucial to prioritize clear communication in any relationship.

By being open and honest with each other and practicing active listening, couples can avoid misunderstandings and foster a stronger, more trusting relationship.

man and woman having an argument' woman looks like she is not wanting to listen

Common causes of misunderstandings in arguments

Unfortunately, misunderstandings in arguments are all too common in relationships. Whether it's a lack of clear communication or differing perspectives, couples often find themselves at odds.

But what are the common causes of misunderstandings in arguments? Let's find out!

Lack of clear communication

It is no secret that when couples are unclear in their communication, it can lead to misunderstandings and miscommunications. But what does it mean to have unclear communication?

Communicating in a way that the other person understands leads to miscommunication. Sounds straightforward, right? Well, in practice, it is not so clear.

More often than not, we think we are being clear, but every person is different; therefore, the other person might get a completely different message.

It can have several causes, but in a nutshell, unclear communication happens when one person assumes something without verifying it with the other person or when there is a lack of understanding of the other person's perspective.

Different perspectives

Adding to the previous point, couples may have different perspectives, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts.

One person may see a situation as a minor disagreement, while the other may see it as a major issue.

Or, you can have widely different views on the meaning and emphasis of some words. For example, maybe for you calling someone, an idiot is a simple thing to say, but for your partner, it is a significant offense).

Misinterpreting nonverbal cues

Nonverbal cues, such as body language and tone of voice, are strong communication components. And they can be easily misinterpreted, leading to misunderstandings in arguments.

For example, one person may interpret a raised eyebrow as anger, while the other may see it as a concern.

Lack of empathy

When couples are not empathetic towards each other, it can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts. For example, one person may need more time to understand the other person's perspective, leading to misunderstandings and resentment.

Unfortunately, this cannot be easily fixed and improved upon. So, if you think one of you lacks empathy, you might better seek outside help.

a young couple having a disagreement or fight; both looking sad or frustrated

Examples of common misunderstandings in couples' arguments

One person assumes that the other person knows they are upset about something without explicitly expressing it. For example, one person may be upset that their partner didn't take out the trash, but instead of bringing it up, they stew in their frustration, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts.
One person interprets the other person's nonverbal cues incorrectly. For example, one person may feel stressed about their workload, but their partner may interpret their tense body language as anger, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts.
One person assumes that the other person understands their perspective without explicitly stating it. For example, one person may explain their dislike about a neutral topic but presents it in a way their partner understands as an offense.

Tips for avoiding misunderstandings in arguments

When working on having a healthy, loving relationship, there are no shortcuts, but there are some key aspects you can focus on. Read on and find out some of them!

Practice active listening

We all know what it means to listen, but simply listening does not mean you are doing it actively.

Active listening involves fully engaging with what the other person is saying and trying to understand their perspective.

This means not interrupting or jumping in with your own thoughts but listening and trying to understand where the other person is coming from.

Active listening also means asking questions because it is almost impossible to fully understand the other's perspective without asking at least some questions.

Avoid jumping to conclusions

This is a big one. We all (even the best of us) love to jump to conclusions. More often than not, we are so sure that we understand the situation (or argument) that we convince ourselves that we are right (i.e., we jump to conclusions).

So, it's easy to jump to conclusions during arguments, but this can only escalate the situation and lead to misunderstandings.

Instead, verify the information with the other person before making any assumptions. Ask questions, think it through, and only then make a conclusion.

Avoid making assumptions

If you want to step even further, you can try not to make assumptions. It is difficult, but it can be done.

Try to check in with the other person and make sure you understand their perspective before making any assumptions.

Use "I" statements

"I" statements are a helpful tool for expressing your own perspective without attacking or blaming the other person.

For example, instead of saying, "you always do this," you could say, "I feel frustrated when you do this because it makes me feel...".

In other words, try to explain your point of view in a way you don't disregard your partner's point of view.

a couple laying in bed and petting their dog, who lies next to the bed

Take a break if things get too heated

If the argument gets out of control, and you feel like it is just getting worse and worse, it is time to take a break. In these situations, take a step back and have a break to calm down and regroup.

This will allow both parties to cool off and approach the situation with a clearer head.

Remember, having a break means what it sounds like - to allow you two to calm down a bit so that you can reconnect after. It does not mean ignoring each other or giving the cold shoulder.

Avoid interrupting the other person

Most likely, you have been in a situation where you try to explain something, but you keep getting interrupted. Annoying, isn't it? And you could agree that by interrupting you - the other person was not making the situation better, right?

Interrupting the other person during an argument will only escalate the situation and make it harder to resolve. So instead, let the other person finish speaking before jumping in with your perspective. And, of course, it goes both ways!

Avoid name-calling or personal attacks

When emotions are heated, we sometimes tend to say the wrong word, but name-calling and personal attacks will only make the argument worse and damage the relationship.

Instead, try to express your perspective without personally attacking the other person.

a young couple laying on a coach, and lovingly cuddle

Be open and honest

Being open and honest with the other person, even if it's difficult or uncomfortable, is essential for preventing misunderstandings and fostering a healthy relationship.

This means being honest not only with the other person but with yourself too. In some rare cases, arguments are one-sided, but 9 out of 10 arguments have both sides to blame at some level.

So, try to not only nit-pick what your partner did to you but also reflect on your own actions and words.

Be empathetic

Empathy is critical in preventing misunderstandings and conflicts in arguments.

When you are not involved in an argument, it is easy to be logical and empathetic to someone. But it is different when you are involved in one.

Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and understand their perspective, even if you disagree.

young couple sitting next to a window; the man hugs her from behind

Talk more often

Sometimes the best defense is offense. And by this metaphor we mean that the best way not to miscommunicate, is to communicate more.

By asking questions and telling your opinions, views of life, beliefs and so much more, you are allowing to understand each other better. This in turn will reduce the times you will have a hard time understanding each other's meaning.

As a great tool to let you talk more about meaningful topics, you can play the Life Conversations. It is a question game that have 100 thought provoking questions about many important aspects of life and relationships.

View Life Conversations

Seek outside help if needed

This is one of the last resort, but if the misunderstandings and conflicts continue to escalate, it may be helpful to seek outside help from a therapist or counselor.

A neutral third party can provide guidance and support in resolving misunderstandings and improving communication in the relationship.

a happy young couple laying next to a coach and both being happy

Final Thoughts

To conclude, misunderstandings in arguments are a common occurrence in relationships. Without clear communication, couples may have different perspectives and misunderstand each other, leading to conflicts and hurt feelings.

By being proactive and communicating openly and honestly with each other, couples can prevent misunderstandings and strengthen their relationship.

It's important to prioritize clear communication and empathy in any relationship in order to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts.