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Trust Issues in Relationships: Why Honesty is Important
What's the Difference Between Trust and Honesty?
Two critical words have much to do with honesty: "honesty" and "trust." So let's talk about what they mean.
The Most Common Reasons For Trust Issues In a Relationship
When it comes to trust issues in a relationship, it can take many forms. And trust issues can be caused by several factors.
One of the most common reasons why romantic relationships or marriage doesn't work out is when jealousy creeps into the relationship. Jealousy makes people feel unsafe, and the more unsafe people feel in their relationship, the less likely they are to be open and honest with each other.
Jealousy can be both an active and passive force (or outer/inner), but either way it is a negative force. Jealous people are always trying to catch someone else doing something they have been doing, but they never seem to notice their own mistakes, misdeeds, or low self-esteem.
If jealousy isn't dealt with and healed, it will permanently ruin your trust in your partner or spouse.
2. Unmet Needs
Why does one of the most significant aspects of a relationship take a back seat? Unmet needs.
It's no surprise that the most common reason for trust issues in a relationship is unmet needs.
Many couples are reluctant to talk about their feelings. In fact, they let the issue build up until it becomes unbearable, creating a relationship-breaking situation.
To avoid this, try to take the lead, ask your partner open-ended questions, and listen to their answers.
3. Need for Control (Power Disbalance)
The human tendency is to want to be in control. And on top of that, people are drawn to people who seem to be in control, even if they aren't. And if such people form a relationship, a power disbalance can arise.
While control can certainly be helpful to a relationship, over-control can lead to resentment and trust issues. If you want your relationships to thrive, you both need to be in control. That does not mean you need to be 50/50 in everything - quite the opposite.
A healthy power balance in a relationship means that you both have your own responsibilities and your own hobbies (i.e., free time). Combine that with quality time, and you have a recipe for a healthy power dynamic.
4. Unrealistic Expectations
Another common reason for trust issues in a relationship is unrealistic expectations. In the beginning, we have high hopes for our partners and assume that we can be compatible with them and that they will do what we want them to do.
This may be realistic in some relationships but is unrealistic for many others, and it sets the relationship up for disappointment and trust issues.
So, it is crucial to realize the difference between expectation and reality.
5. Lack Of Validation
One of the most common trust issues in relationships is a lack of validation. This is when one partner isn't showing emotional support to their partner. Or, when they ignore their good deeds or take their presence for granted.
Often, this attitude stems from insecurity, low self-esteem, and a lack of confidence in themselves. Or this attitude can be used to make their partner do more.
But not acknowledging your partner won't do any good. Yes, in the short term, it might motivate the partner to try more, but in the long term, it will be exhausting and cause the partner only to do less or even break up.
6. Increased Neglect
A relationship is a two-way street. Just because you're the one who shows up doesn't mean that you don't need to be the one to put in the effort.
Relationships require effort and commitment - from both partners. Therefore, one of the easiest ways to break trust is to neglect your partner.
Here are some common every-day things that will get a relationship off on the wrong foot, increasing the likelihood of mistrust:
1. Ignoring or forgetting a date,
2. Not returning calls,
3. Not responding to texts,
4. Being unavailable for the majority of the time,
5. Ignoring your significant other's needs,
6. Ignoring your significant other's questions.
7. Toxic Relationship / Toxic Traits
Well, the topic of toxic relationships is something else entirely, and it is a combination of many issues in a relationship, but one thing is sure, toxic relationships can cause problems such as lack of motivation, lack of interest, conflict, difficulties in communication, and surely - lack of trust.
If you want to stop a toxic relationship, you should first identify the factors that contribute to the negativity. Then address them directly, and only when you see results of healing the toxicity can you start rebuilding the trust between you.
8. Past Experiences
If one partner had some sort of trauma or bad events in their previous relationship (or even in the family), it can cause trust issues, even if the present relationship is doing great.
In such circumstances, the best route is to heal past traumatic events. Sometimes it can be done simply by working on yourself with support from your partner. But often times it requires seeing a licensed therapist or a relationship expert.
What Can I Do to Fix Trust Issues
Overcoming trust issues is not easy, and the best thing you can do - is not to break it in the first place.
But, if you happen to be in a situation when trust has been broken, or you feel like you can't fully trust each other, there are some things you can do to rebuild trust.
Firstly, you both need to communicate together. Talk to each other and find out if you genuinely wish to heal the relationship. Maybe, the trust is too far gone to be rebuilt - if so, it is better to work on a break up on civil terms.
But if you wish to repair the relationship, you must address the problem (or problems) that caused you to lose your trust. Only when the issues are addressed can you start to repair the damage.
And, remember, repairing trust is not an easy feat. It takes effort. It takes apologies, and it takes forgiveness. So, be sure you are prepared to do all that.
Now the real work begins. Now you must be open, honest, and truthful with each other. Talk often, explain your feelings; ask questions to your current partner; listen, and be present.
But if you know your relationship is worth it, you can overcome trust issues in your relationship.
It's Time to Open Up and Share the Truth
Honesty in relationships often goes unspoken but is a significant point of contention in many partnerships. And lack of it plays a part in many relationship problems.
Make Sure You are on the Same Page
Many couples have trust issues. Some don't even know why they have them because they simply are not on the same page about important matters and values.
Get Clarity, Not Just "Doom and Gloom"
The main reason you should start clearing the air is to get clarity about the relationship. If you're not honest about your relationship and don't address the trust issues, your love will wither and die.
You'll never get over a broken heart if you're not honest about what happened, even if you did nothing wrong.
Many scenarios will cause a person to lose trust in their partner. In all of them, trust is broken because honesty is missing from the equation. If you're thinking, "I can't be honest because I'm afraid of what he/she will do or say," don't let fear dictate your actions.
A Trust-Building Tool for Healthy Relationship
A simple yet powerful "tool" for building trust is asking many questions to each other. You can learn more about your partner by asking and talking about many important topics. And, by learning more, you will bond together.
The goal of building a good relationship is to create an unbreakable friendship, and that requires trust. To do this, you must make a concerted effort to trust the person and be trustworthy yourself.
Once you do this, you'll be able to have meaningful, open communication and a healthy loving relationship overall. Remember, you deserve love, but that means you need to express it yourself!