Relationship Tips · Nov 16, 2021

16 ways to reconnect with your partner after a fight

Fights and arguments happen, it is just a normal part of a relationship. But how do you get your partner to open up after a disagreement?

What if they won't talk to you and open up, and it seems like they don't want anything to do with you anymore?

How can we get them back in our arms again? The answer is simple: love.

Ok, it is not that simple, but love, listening, and an apology are a good start.

Sometimes the best way for us to reconnect with our significant other is by showing them how much we adore and care about them.

Read further to find out 16 ways that show your partner how much you love and cherish them even when things aren't going well between the two of you or something has been causing tension between the two of you.

These ideas will help keep both parties happy, loved, and connected- which will lead to a better bond overall!

Read time: approximately 10 min.

16 Ways to Reconnect with your Partner after a Fight

What do we mean by arguments and fights?

It's important to note, that in this article by disagreements we don't mean relationship disputes and problems.

Relationship problems are something deeper and usually last for a long period of time. They aren't solved easily.

Here we are talking about those misunderstandings that usually originate from anger or frustration and end relatively quickly.

That being said, they still have value if you learn how to argue fairly, and respectfully which ends up strengthening your connection instead of weakening it.

So, How to Resolve Conflict in a Relationship?

Resolving conflict in a relationship can be either hard or easy depending on you as an individual and couple.

If you have good listening skills, good emotional intimacy, and you have learned to forgive then it might be quite easy for you.

But, if you are reading this then chances are you might need some help, so we have prepared 16 tips and steps you can take to repair, heal and reconnect.

How to Reconnect after a fight with your partner

1. Choose to forgive

Forgiveness is not about condoning bad behavior but about choosing to let go of negative feelings that will only hurt you.

By forgiving, you're also communicating that you respect yourself enough not to allow someone's mistakes to hinder your progress in life.

Keep in mind that forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting something or giving your significant other permission to continue hurting you because they said they were sorry.

2. Take responsibility for your actions

You may be right about how you feel or what you think, but that doesn't mean it's okay to act out in anger. The relationship will never improve if both partners refuse to take any responsibility.

In an argument, it is extremely rare there when only one is to blame, so when you had the time to look back at what happened, think about your actions, and acknowledge have done differently. Then say to your partner you should not have done that.

If both of you will take the responsibility for your own actions, it will be much easier to forgive, forget, and move on, not to mention that by doing this you will grow and become better as a family.

3. Separate the issues

Isolating problems is the first step toward resolving them because once they are clearly identified, a fix can be found. Also, avoid bringing up past mistakes as this will only escalate the misunderstanding rather than resolve anything.

You'll need to agree to keep the conversation focused on the current topic, and avoid attacking the other person.

You may want to prepare a list of questions you can ask that will help you get to the root of the problem.

It may be difficult at first, but if you can keep your cool, you'll have a much better chance of getting what you need from your loved one. In a situation like this, it's key to remain polite, and respectful.

Try not to let your emotions get the best of you, as you may end up making the situation worse. If you do feel that conversations are becoming heated, try to step back and take a break.

4. Compromise

You have chosen to be together with your partner, which by itself means to have some compromises, and this is no exception. This means one side has to meet halfway with their request or concession.

This may not always mean that you get what you want all the time but it does guarantee that serious matters are discussed and addressed, and both of you are happy.

A partnership is a long game, so one compromise now will bring many happy moments later in life.

5. Use "I" statements to express yourself

Just changing the perspective, can do a lot.

Using " I" statements is more effective than using "you" statements when talking about relationship problems because your partner can't argue about how you feel.

For example, instead of saying, "You make me angry,", or "You did that..." say, "It made me feel ____." This also helps keep the conversation from escalating into another argument.

6. Never underestimate the power of a heartfelt apology

Even if you think what you did wasn't wrong, always apologize for your mistakes because saying sorry is never a bad thing and it shows others (especially your partner) that they matter and can trust you again.

And remember: no argument will last forever; there will come a time when everything will calm down and both parties will feel safe enough to discuss it without wanting to hurt each other.

This is why apologizing while you feel hurt can help your family grow even closer than before.

7. Spend time together doing something you both enjoy

After an argument, it's normal to want to spend some time apart, but too much time can lead to tension and problems which can become permanent.

Time spent together strengthens bonds so don't neglect this essential part of your love life by not spending time with each other.

Reconnect with your partner after an argument

8. Do something different than usual

When both of you have calmed down a bit, but it still is something bothering you - have a change of pace, pick a movie you wouldn't usually watch, or go out for dinner at a restaurant neither of you has tried before, go outside and get physical.

Breaking away from regular routines gives marriage discords less chance of occurring again in the future because familiar habits are what often cause them in the first place.

9. Talk about how life will be different after your relationship issues have been resolved

Plan dates in advance, think about the style of your next apartment and talk about your next trip. Change the topic, and express your feelings so there's less chance of an argument rising ever again.

Talking together and knowing how both sides plan to move forward after a fight can prevent problems from popping up again and build your emotional bond stronger.

10. Don't go to bed angry

This is almost a cliché, but nevertheless, it is a vital part of a healthy relationship.

Couples who don't resolve arguments before going to sleep risk waking up the next day with unresolved mistakes that could have been prevented if they had just reached out and talked instead of allowing their problems to escalate into a permanent fight.

a Caucasian couple laying in bed with eyes closed

11. Ask your partner what went wrong

In many cases, we don't see our behavior as harmful or wrong, so just asking their perspective, on what went wrong can make them think about their own behavior that caused the fight to escalate.

Hopefully, they see this as a relationship matter that both of you can repair together as a couple. But this step should be done only after you have calmed down.

Remember to ask it gently and then genuinely listen to your partner, otherwise, this question could lead to another disagreement.

Relationship tips - overcome the negative after a fight

12. Focus on solutions instead of who's right or wrong

Try to come up with possible solutions to whatever problem you're dealing with; listen carefully without interrupting and don't be quick to dismiss any ideas (even if they seem flawed at first).

This way you'll move closer to resolving the conflict together and in turn, create an atmosphere where it's easier for your marriage to thrive again.

If you see only problems, look into couples therapy

As a side note - when just nothing seems to help you to reconnect, then considering going to a therapist would be a good idea.

Reaching out to a therapist can help in two ways: by providing insight and advice on how to improve your relationship and by addressing problems that may arise.

If you are dealing with any issues in your marriage, it's crucial to seek help before you reach the point where it ends.

While it's true that some people can benefit from therapy, it's also true that counseling doesn't always help and may actually create more problems, if both parties are not willing to participate.

If you're having problems in your relationship, first talk to your spouse about it.

Sometimes the problems are something simple and straightforward, but other times it's more complicated and requires seeing a therapist.

13. Talk about relationship goals

Sometimes the bickering may have brought your common goals to light which is a good thing, so now use it as an opportunity for growth. When you have calmed down, discuss what both of you want out of your love life and how you can pursue those goals together.

If you're not on the same page it's never too late to discuss your present and future goals with each other. Remember to choose goals that are realistic, specific, relatable and attainable.

a man hugging a smiling woman while laying in bed

14. Create new positive memories together

Try creating new happy memories that will help strengthen your marriage and increase intimacy after a disagreement. It's not always easy to do, but it is possible.

Take time to talk about what happened and how you can make the situation better for both of you. You can also start creating a plan for the life ahead.

15. Don't take your relationship problems too personally

Sometimes conflicts can feel like they're about you, but not always that is the case. Family affairs are never one-sided and it's important to keep in mind that problems don't define your success and failure either.

Remember that no matter how much you love each other, you still have to learn to disagree in a healthy way.

a closeup of a man and woman holding hands

16. Be positive

Even if things aren't going well between the two of you, try not to assume the relationship is going downhill or that it is time for a divorce.

It might not be perfect but it doesn't mean you have to give up on making your love life better by choosing to be positive.

Try using positive words when engaging in conversation with each other and use happy affirmations.

In conclusion

Remember - disagreements occur because both partners usually have different expectations and beliefs about how things should be or what's acceptable and what's not.

The key to getting past the arguments is to take responsibility for your mistakes, recognize when it's time to apologize, and focus on success instead of failure.

Before rushing to a therapist, read these 16 steps on how to reconnect.

Maybe, some of them will help you get through a serious disagreement as a couple and hopefully if done right, you will come out of this experience stronger than ever!

If you thought this article was helpful, please, be sure to share it with your friends and loved ones, and be sure to check out our Conversation games for couples for deep meaningful or naughty conversations with your special one!