What Do We Mean by Arguments and Fights?

It's important to note that in this article, by disagreements, we don't mean relationship disputes and problems.

Relationship problems are something deeper and usually last for a long period of time. They impact your everyday life and aren't solved easily. And those are a matter for a different conversation.

Here we are talking about a misunderstanding, harsh words or a big fight that usually is spontaneous and originates from anger or frustration. And most importantly, end relatively quickly (in a matter of hours or days).

That being said, they still have value if you learn how to argue fairly and respectfully, which ends up strengthening your connection instead of weakening it.

You may be right about how you feel or what you think, but that doesn't mean it's okay to act out in anger. The relationship will never improve if both partners refuse to take any responsibility. 

Take a deep breath and start by acknowledging the emotions both of you experienced during the argument. For example, you can say, "I know we both felt frustrated and hurt during our argument, and I want you to know that I recognize and validate your feelings." This shows that you value his perspective and are willing to empathize with his emotions.

Next, taking responsibility for your part in the argument is important. For instance, you can say, "I realize I said some hurtful things, and I'm truly sorry. I should have communicated my thoughts more calmly and respectfully." Taking ownership of your actions demonstrates your commitment to growth and willingness to learn from mistakes.

Furthermore, focus on finding common ground and working together to resolve the issue. For example, "Let's try to understand each other's perspectives better and find a solution that works for both of us. Our relationship is important, and I want us to find a way to move forward together."

What to Say to Your Girlfriend After an Argument

Finding the right words to say after a heated argument with your girlfriend can feel like navigating through a minefield. When tensions rise and emotions are high, it's crucial to approach the situation with empathy and open communication.

Begin by acknowledging her feelings and demonstrating genuine remorse for hurtful words or actions. For instance, "I'm truly sorry for what I said during our argument. I didn't mean to hurt you, and I regret my words." Taking responsibility for her behavior shows her that you value her emotions and are committed to making amends. Next, emphasize the importance of her perspective and actively listen to her concerns.

Encourage her to express herself without interruption and validate her feelings by saying, "I understand why you felt upset, and I want you to know that your thoughts and emotions matter to me." This reassures her that you value her opinions and are willing to consider her point of view.

In addition, take the opportunity to express your love and commitment to the relationship. Tell her how much she means to you and why you're willing to work through the conflict.
For example, "I love you deeply, and our relationship is important. I want us to find a way to resolve our issues and grow stronger together."

 

7. Spend Time Together Doing Something You Both Enjoy  

After a heated argument or a big fight, it's normal to want to spend some time apart, but too much time can lead to tension and problems that can become permanent.

 

Time spent together strengthens bonds, so don't neglect this essential part of your love life by not spending time with each other.

 

Some couples even enjoy passionate sex as a means to make up (i.e., the phrase make-up sex).

 

Breaking away from regular routines gives marriage discords less chance of occurring again in the future because familiar habits are what often cause them in the first place.

This is a good technique for reconnecting with your spouse if you both have a hard time apologizing.  

For example, when you have calmed down but don't feel like apologizing or openly talking about what happened, you can casually nudge your partner into doing something mundane with you (watching TV, cooking dinner, going for a walk).  

Although generally it is better to talk things out, this method can be a great tool when you have difficulties expressing your emotions.

What to Talk About With Your Spouse to Reconnect?

If you are not sure, what to talk about when you are still angry with each other - that is perfectly normal. It is not unusual to have a million thoughts in your head, but not one of them seems good enough when the emotions are still high.

Everyone is different and this might not be applicable to your situation, but generally, we would recommend talking about such topics:

• Expressing what went wrong and that you still love them;
• Apologizing;
• Talking about something neutral, like work, kids, what to eat for dinner;

But we would not recommend trying to blame or explain why your partner made you feel bad. At least not until your emotions have calmed down.

 

But that being said, also don't force yourselves to resolve a conflict by any means. Deadlines are a good thing in work and business, but not necessarily in a relationship.

As a side note - when just nothing seems to help reconnect with your spouse, then seeing a therapist might be a good idea.

Reaching out to a therapist can help in two ways: by providing insight and advice on how to improve your relationship and by addressing problems that may arise.

If you are dealing with any issues in your own marriage, it's crucial to seek help before you reach the point where it ends.

While it's true that some people can benefit from therapy, it's also true that counseling doesn't always help and may actually create more problems if both parties are not willing to participate.

If you're having problems in your relationship, first talk to your spouse about it, but it is important not to dismiss the idea or straight refuse consent. If there are deep problems, counseling might help a lot.

Sometimes the problems are something simple and straightforward, but other times it's more complicated and requires seeing a therapist.

13. Talk About Relationship Goals

Sometimes the bickering may have brought your common goals to light which is a good thing, so now use it as an opportunity for growth and improvement. When you have calmed down, discuss what both of you want out of your love life and how you can pursue those goals together. 

If you're not on the same page it's never too late to discuss your present and future goals with each other. Remember to choose goals that are realistic, specific, relatable and attainable.

14. Create New Positive Memories Together 

Try creating new happy memories that will help strengthen your marriage and increase intimacy after a disagreement. It's not always easy to do, but it is possible. Take time to talk about what happened and how you can make the situation better for both of you. You can also start creating a plan for the life ahead.

 

15. Don't Take Your Relationship Problems Too Personally 

Sometimes conflicts can feel like they're about you, but that is not always the case. Family affairs are never one-sided and it's important to keep in mind that problems don't define your success and failure as a couple either.

Remember that no matter how much you love each other, you still have to learn to disagree in a healthy way.

16. Be Positive

Even if things aren't going well between the two of you, try not to assume the relationship is going downhill or that it is time for a divorce.

It might not be perfect but it doesn't mean you have to give up on making your love life better by choosing to be positive.

Try using positive words when engaging in conversation with each other and use happy affirmations.

In Conclusion

Remember - disagreements occur because both partners usually have different conflict resolution styles, different expectations and beliefs about how things should be or what's acceptable and what's not.  The key to getting past the arguments is to take responsibility for your mistakes, recognize when to apologize, and focus on success instead of failure.