Relationship Tips · Jan 26, 2022

13 Crucial Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have

Updated: December 12th, 2024

Did you know that couples who regularly engage in open, honest discussions are 70% more likely to report long-term relationship satisfaction?

Communication is the heartbeat of every thriving partnership, but it’s not always easy to tackle the tough topics.

From planning your future together to navigating daily challenges like finances and housework, these conversations aren’t just essential—they’re transformative.

This guide covers the 13 crucial conversations every couple needs to have to deepen their connection, resolve conflicts, and build a stronger, happier future together. Ready to talk your way to a better relationship?

Whether you’re just starting out or have been married for years, some of these questions probably are for you and they can help smooth over any bumps in the road and keep your bond strong.

13 Crucial Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have

Why Crucial Conversations Are the Heart of Every Relationship

Have you ever felt like you’re tiptoeing around a topic with your partner, afraid it might spark a fight or lead to discomfort? You’re not alone. According to a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy, couples who avoid tough conversations are 60% more likely to experience recurring conflicts, compared to those who address issues openly.1

These unspoken words often carry the weight of fear, misunderstanding, or unmet expectations—things that can quietly erode even the strongest relationships.

Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert and author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, emphasizes: "Clear, honest communication is the lifeblood of any thriving relationship. Without it, small misunderstandings can snowball into larger issues that feel impossible to untangle."2

That’s why crucial conversations are more than just “serious talks.” They’re moments of vulnerability where you lay your emotions on the table, daring to be seen and heard. These talks aren’t about pointing fingers or winning arguments—they’re about understanding each other on a deeper level, aligning your goals, and building a stronger, more resilient bond.

These conversations matter because they:

Build Trust: When you openly share your thoughts and listen without judgment, trust blossoms. Research by the American Psychological Association found that couples who practice open communication report 47% higher levels of trust and emotional intimacy.3

Avoid Misunderstandings: Assumptions can create gaps between you. Talking clears the air and ensures you’re on the same page.

Strengthen Connection: Vulnerability fosters intimacy, making you feel closer as a team.

They’re not always easy, but that’s where their power lies. Tackling the tough stuff shows your commitment to growth—both individually and together. As Dr. Orbuch puts it, “It’s not the disagreements that harm relationships, but the silence that follows.”4

So, whether it’s discussing your future plans or unpacking a disagreement, these conversations are the glue that keeps your relationship thriving. They are the foundation for a partnership built not on avoidance but on understanding, respect, and love.

Tough Conversations Every Couple Should Have

1. Where You See This Going?

Believe it or not, many couples haven't even thought about this question. It's as if they're both waiting for some magical sign or signal that will tell them it's the right time to take the next step.

There is no such sign, and assuming you don't want to end up getting married accidentally won't prevent you from winding up on a wedding registry (something we've seen happen more than once).

If your partner senses hesitation or uncertainty about where this relationship might be heading, he/she may feel like something is wrong — even if nothing is — and start doing some serious worrying.

Instead of having those feelings confirmed later down the road, laying all your cards out on the table now can help everyone better understand each other and what it is they want out of relationship.

2. Do You See Kids in the Picture?

For a lot of couples, this is a give-or-take type issue. Depending on how much each person values kids and wants them, spending the rest of their lives with someone who doesn't share that desire can be challenging.

If you're not on the same page about kids (i.e., if one partner really wants them but doesn't think they can handle it right now because of work/life balance issues or personal reasons), there are ways to compromise where possible.

For example, discuss when could be the right time to have kids for the both of us. At the end of the day though, you both need to feel comfortable speaking up when your partner tries to push something onto you that you aren't ready for.

When talking about such important questions, you need to at least be in the same book, if not on the same page, because these kind of topics can make or break your relationship.

3. How Are You Going to Manage Your Finances?

This one might not be as sexy and exciting as some following questions on this list, but it is definitely crucial. Not managing your money properly can bring a relationship to an end long before it should (or at least cause some serious anxiety between you).

Different spending habits can put a major strain on your finances if one of you is super tight-fisted with their dollars while the other feels like they're throwing them away.

You also need to know how much leeway you have in terms of going out or buying extra stuff for yourself without feeling guilty about it, or causing an argument with your partner.

Also, talking about getting a joint saving account or a joint credit card might be a good idea. So that both names are attached to purchases will give each person more incentive to keep track of what's being spent on who and when.

4. How Often Do You Want to Have Sex?

Talking about sex might feel awkward at first, but addressing this topic early can prevent misunderstandings and unmet expectations later. Open communication about intimacy ensures both partners feel heard, valued, and satisfied in their relationship.

You don’t need to pinpoint an exact number, but discussing general preferences and expectations can help avoid future frustration. Are you someone who thrives on frequent physical connection, or do you prefer a slower pace? Knowing each other’s preferences helps establish a balance that works for both of you.

Research from the Archives of Sexual Behavior reveals that couples who align on sexual frequency report 40% higher satisfaction in their relationships. Dr. Laura Berman, a renowned relationship expert, states: “Sexual compatibility isn’t about matching libidos perfectly—it’s about understanding and respecting each other’s needs and finding a rhythm that nurtures your connection.”5

While sex might not be the only pillar of a healthy relationship, it’s undeniably important for emotional and physical intimacy. Setting clear expectations—whether it’s weekly date nights that lead to intimacy or spontaneous moments of connection—can keep both partners fulfilled.

By having this conversation, you’re not just addressing physical desires; you’re showing your willingness to prioritize each other’s happiness, which strengthens your bond and trust.

5. How Are You Going to Manage The Housework?

This one might seem like something you can put off until later down the road, but doing so will only make it harder for you to avoid serious fights down the line.

If he/she thinks that they're doing more than their fair share of housework or sees it as a way to win your love and admiration, getting into arguments about who is doing what all the time could become very common place.

Instead of having these issues build up over time until they are too big for either person to ignore, lay out some ground rules now about how often certain chores need to be done and by whom.

For example, if one of you work full-time jobs (or significantly more than the other), it is good to be clear about how often your partner can expect certain things to be done around the house by themselves.

6. Where Do You Want to Live And are You Open to The Idea of Moving?

While this question might not seem as important because it doesn't directly involve the relationship itself, choosing where you want to live can cause big problems if one person wants to stay put and the other feels like they need a change of scenery.

Even if you don’t plan on moving somewhere in the nearest future, this still is a great topic to talk about, because quite often we have to move somewhere out of the blue (career change, due to health concerns etc.), so it is best to know, what you and your partner expects beforehand.

For example, if you know that your partner is completely against moving elsewhere, it might be best to look for a career change at the same city. And, the opposite is true – if you know that neither of you are against such an idea – you might be quick enough to grab that promotion before someone else says ”yes”.

7. How Will Your Family Fit Into Our Life?

It's always better to know now than assume everything is nice and rosy only find out later that your partner has some really strong feelings about some of your family members.

Some people view their in-laws as BFFs while others feel like it's very important to hide your life away from them out of fear that you'll disappoint, anger, or upset them in some way.

Knowing where you both stand with the family dynamic will help avoid future fights about how/when to tell certain things to your partner's parents and vice versa.

8. What Are Your Long-term Goals?

Don't pretend like this one doesn't matter to you... It does! We all want to live happily ever after with someone special and if that's not what you see happening with your partner, then why even bother continuing down this path?

While it might be hard to confront your partner about things like whether or not they're actually happy in this relationship, doing so will help both of you figure out what kind of future there is for the both of you together.

The only way to avoid major problems later on is if both people are willing to be honest about what they want and go from there.

9. What Kind of Work/Life Balance Do You Want?

This question is especially relevant in the modern-day work environment, when it is no longer an exception to work from home.

Some people can't stand working from home or having to take work calls all the time... Others wouldn't know what to do with themselves if they weren't always available to their boss at a moment's notice.

If one person wants a 9-5 schedule and the other one love to be his/her own boss and work from 12 PM until 8 PM, it probably is not the best fit, and it would be best for them not to live together until these issues are ironed out and both partners agree on how much time they'll spend together vs. apart.

10. What are Your Travel Goals?

Traveling is one of the most popular leisure and self-fulfilling activities, so it is important your idea of a good traveling experience matches.

Is it important to you that your partner come with you on a backpacking trip through Europe? Or is he/she the person who needs their Netflix binges and a daily walk is enough in terms of their exploration needs?

Or maybe you both like traveling, but one of you loves to stay at an all inclusive 5 star resort by sleeping all day by the pool, but the other can’t stay still and needs to climb mountains, go on rafting, scuba dive and all sorts of other activities?

If both of you like the same things – awesome! But if one of you is more interested in seeing the world than the other, this might cause some issues, and it is important to work out a compromise.

You can't very well go exploring if your partner's sitting at home bored out of his/her mind while sending you depressing emoji texts every day. This is not the life that either of you should be settling for.

Be open and honest about your travel goals and try to think up a plan of action that works for the both of you.

11. How Do You Feel About Drugs/Alcohol?

Some people view having a glass of wine as the highlight of their day while others can't relax unless they've had more than that—and possibly ended up doing something regrettable.

Knowing how your partner feels about drugs/alcohol is not only important for those of you who don't partake, but also because even one instance in which your partner goes too far could lead to an uncomfortable conversation later on.

You should know what part alcohol plays in his or her life before it leads to problems down the line.

12. What Kind of Relationship Do We Want?

Do you want to spend most of your time around each other or do you see your future including having your own hobbies and friends besides the ones that you share?

Maybe, you are one of those rare, but real couples who do not mind having an open relationship, or one step in the wrong direction means the end of your relationship?

Knowing where both of you stand on this issue is crucial because if your own couple’s goals do not align it's usually when couples start drifting apart.

13. What's Your Definition of a Crucial Conversation?

Without clear communication, you two probably would not even hit it off, not to mention becoming a couple, so it is not hard to imagine that meaningful conversations are still important even when you have been married for years.

You or your partner might not think that this kind of conversations need to happen, because your thoughts are enough. At some point you probably have thought to yourself “He/she knows that I love him, it is no need to say it out loud”. But it is important.

We cannot read minds, so we have to sit down, put out phones away and just talk with each other. About what, you ask? About everything that matters to you at the heat of the moment.

And then what? You hear what your partner is saying, and then just move forward, and learn more about each other, so your bond grows only stronger.

If you wish to take this one step further, you can play one of the Naughty Conversations that are a collection of thematic questions with the intent for couples to better know each other.

Conversations for Couples

Conclusion

Don’t underestimate the power of having a few good, meaningful talks about how you see your relationship.

These are not your typical “I love you” conversations. These are tough, honest discussions that address the real challenges in your relationship, and if you do them well, they can bring about real changes in your relationship.

They can lead to new and interesting ways of looking at things, and they can be much more fun than most other conversations because they are focused on how you really feel and not just what you want or need from your partner.

Ready to strengthen your bond? Explore Joyful Couple’s Conversation Games and discover thoughtful, creative ways to connect on a deeper level. Browse our store for gifts and tools that make every conversation count.

FAQ Section: Common Questions About Crucial Conversations in Relationships

1. How often should couples have serious conversations?
Serious conversations should happen regularly—ideally once a month. This helps address small issues before they escalate into larger conflicts. Schedule time for intentional check-ins to nurture trust and understanding.

2. What if my partner avoids these discussions?
Begin with lighthearted topics to ease into deeper conversations. Use tools like Joyful Couple’s conversation games to create a relaxed and non-threatening environment. Highlight how open communication benefits both partners and strengthens the relationship.

3. Are these conversations necessary for new relationships?
Absolutely! Early conversations set a strong foundation for trust, transparency, and open communication. Starting early ensures that both partners align on values and expectations.

4. How do I bring up difficult topics without causing conflict?
Choose a calm, neutral setting and focus on “I” statements to express your feelings without sounding accusatory. For example, say, “I feel stressed about our finances” instead of “You never budget.”

5. What if we disagree on major life decisions like kids or finances?
Acknowledge each other’s perspectives and explore potential compromises together. Seeking professional guidance, like couples therapy, can also help navigate such critical differences.

Citations:

1. Sillars, Alan & Canary, Daniel. (2013). Conflict and Relational Quality in Families.

2. Dr. Terri Orbuch, "5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great"

3. De Netto PM, Quek KF, Golden KJ. Communication, the Heart of a Relationship: Examining Capitalization, Accommodation, and Self-Construal on Relationship Satisfaction. Front Psychol. 2021 Dec 13;12:767908. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2021.767908. PMID: 34966329; PMCID: PMC8710473.

4. Dr. Terri Orbuch, "5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great"

5. The Real Reason Love is So Hard to Find, https://drlauraberman.com/the-real-reason-love-is-so-hard-to-find/

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