10 Mistakes You Might be Doing During Foreplay

Updated: 11th June, 2024

Sex is amazing, and we all know that a good foreplay can make it even better!
And it is no secret that bad foreplay can not only worsen the experience, but even break the mood completely. There are dozens of mistakes that could sabotage your sexual success, and we are here to tell you some, so you can avoid them.
We’ve been doing a lot of research into foreplay to figure out what people are doing wrong—and have discovered 10 things that may be making you and your partner feel less passionate than you’d like.
Foreplay is often the hardest part of sex for a lot of couples. Actually, there are many couples that skip foreplay entirely – either because they lack the confidence, skills or just simply think it is not necessary, because they never had experienced the added pleasure it can bring to the whole experience.
If you’re reading this article, chances are you are not completely satisfied with the foreplay you are getting, but won’t worry, as this is nothing to be ashamed of – we all are learning.  
So, if you’re having a tough time during foreplay and don’t know what to do next, here are a few things you might be doing wrong during foreplay and how to avoid them, so you can unlock the your full foreplay potential.


*Tips are sorted in no particular order and can be done separately. 


Read time: approximately 7 minutes

10 Mistakes You Might be Doing During Foreplay


1. Not Asking Your Partner What They Like


It turns out that men and women have very different expectations when it comes to foreplay.
Men generally expect sex to be fast, furious, and explosive. Women, however, want foreplay to be romantic, intimate, and sensual. And on top of that – every man and woman are different on their own, so there are countless possible things that might turn on or off your partner.
Without a proper communication this can cause a gap, when you both are trying to do foreplay not as a team, but as two different individuals.
The result? Many men think of foreplay as a waste of time, while many women consider it downright boring. That’s why it can be so important to understand your partner’s preferences.
Asking what your partner likes in bed can open the door to some interesting conversations. They might surprise you with what you don't know, and you'll gain new ideas for making them happy.
It's a simple way to start a conversation about how to spice up your sex life. If you wish to improve your foreplay, start by telling your partner “I love when you…” and say the things you wish to try.
But foreplay is an activity for both of you, so don’t be selfish, and remember to also say, “I want to please you by…” telling all the things you wish to do to your partner. Then, let your partner take control of the conversation, and let them list out what they’d like to do.


2. Giving Up After 1 Attempt


In the world of sex and relationships, foreplay is often referred to as the small talk that precedes the big “main event.” However, many people tend to give up after just one attempt at foreplay.
It sounds simple enough, but many people don't even consider it a priority, so when they do decide to give it a go, they often make the classic mistake of expecting it to be a quickie and then giving up on it all together.
Although there is nothing wrong with quickies, it is a bad idea to make every sex a quicky, as it will become boring very fast. Sex is about lust, desire, pleasure and it is about surprise – so, if every sex will be a quicky, it will more or less be the same every time, and you will lose the element of surprise.
So, make sure not to get discouraged and don’t give up on foreplay. If one time it does not go according to plan, try again. Even better, if you talk it out with your partner – so, next time you know what to do differently.
When it comes to having a successful sex life, one of the most important things you can do is to get into the habit of foreplay. Start small and then do it more and more often up to the point, where it becomes an essential part of your sex life, and you will see how better the sex will become.

Mistakes during foreplay

3. Not Using Your Hands


This is a big one. It's the number one mistake that couples make, and they don't even realize it. 
Foreplay can be faster, slower, gentler, aggressive, but it almost always include using your hands, so for the first few minutes of foreplay, you should use your hands to touch, caress, and gently stimulate your partner.
Don’t rush, as foreplay is a stage you don’t aim to achieve the finish line just yet. Enjoy it. By doing so, you’ll relax, set up the mood and have an intimate experience together. That being said, also don't overdue and use only your hands. Use your lips as well. And you can introduce some toys as well.

4. Forgetting about the Dessert


Foreplay includes many things. One thing that is often missed is oral sex. We tend to think of foreplay as the kiss, the hug, the cuddle, etc. But there is more to it than that.
Oral sex is what is considered a good foreplay element according to the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT). It is one of the best ways to spice up a marriage, and a healthy amount of foreplay can help make it even better.
Oral sex can provide both of you with a release of tension and stress. It's also a great way to show your love and affection to your partner. It's a great way to communicate with your partner, and you will feel satisfied with each other.
And know, that there are several forms of oral sex – you can do it as a brief teasing element, as a full-on oral pleasure to let your partner enjoy fully, or in the form of 69, when you both receive pleasure at the same time.

5. Giving too much Attention to Only one Area


When it comes to foreplay, many people fall into two categories: the person who only focuses on foreplay to the genitals and the person who focuses on all areas of the body.
But the thing is, our whole body works as a whole, so it is important to mix things up. From sensual massages and kisses all the way to hand jobs.
The idea here is that by stimulating many body parts in different ways, the brain is stimulated as well, you get turned on, and the whole experience becomes much more pleasurable.
So, the big mistake is to focus attention on only one of these places. When this happens, other parts of the body can go without attention, and this diminishes pleasure. If this does not come naturally to you, take slow steps and each time you have foreplay intentionally try focusing to mix it up. 

What not to do in foreplay

6. Having Too Many Expectations 


In our experience, one of the biggest mistakes people make when it comes to foreplay (and not only in foreplay) is setting unrealistic expectations.
A lot of people think of foreplay as a competition to see who can put their partner on the edge the longest, or whose goal is to make them scream “yes!” the loudest. Or the opposite is true – expecting that your partner will try to go out of his/her way to make you a priority in every scenario. .
Foreplay is about having mutual fun. Either by feeling each other up, kissing, making love to music, and generally exploring your partner’s body in new ways. You can also use your body language to communicate exactly what you want—a simple nod or a smile can be enough to let him or her know you're into something new.
Remember to don’t have high or specific expectations —just keep things light, and anything can happen. 


7. Talking Too Much in the Moment


Foreplay is as verbal as it is physical. It’s important to get to know your partner beforehand. Talk to them about their likes and dislikes. Listen to what turns them on and off. But don’t overdo it!
You don’t want to talk too much during sex and foreplay. And that means talking about sex! Just as you don’t want to overdo foreplay, you don’t want to talk about it too much.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with the occasional question “Do you like that”, or “Let’s try”, but if this turns to a lengthy conversation about what you like or don’t like, this can kill the mood instantaneously. 
But this is not to be confused with a good dirty talk – if your partner is turned on by your talking, go ahead and do it more!
If you find yourself saying too much in the heat of the moment, slow down and take a breath before proceeding. For a second think about, how your partner might feel, hearing all these questions or comments.  
As a better solution would be talk about your desires and preferences before you have sex (actually, talking about it by itself can be a form of foreplay). You can try out our Naughty Conversations – playing this card game you will be presented with 100 questions about sex, fantasies and desires, so you can learn a lot more about your sexuality in a safe environment. 

Improve your foreplay

8. Going Too Fast or Too Hard


Foreplay is about building up the anticipation so that when the real moment comes, you feel closer to your goal.
"You need to pace yourself," says relationship expert Wendy Walsh. She recommends starting with a gentle touch, then gradually increasing intensity as you build arousal. Take your time.
Don’t be too rough, too fast, or too long with foreplay—or else it could be too much. "If you go too fast or don’t take the time to build arousal, you’ll just have a quick fling. And who wants that?"
It is important for you to take your time when you are going through the foreplay process. You should not do things too quickly or too hard. Instead, you should make your partner feel comfortable by going slowly and doing things gently.
Don't rush to the point where your partner feels uncomfortable or is unable to enjoy what you are doing. 


9. Just "Doing It"


It's important to remember that foreplay is not just about the physical aspect of intimacy. It is also about emotional and mental stimulation.
This means that you should think about how you want to react if something happens in the bedroom. Some people can't wait to get into the bedroom, but others may want to wait for a few more minutes before getting intimate.
When you have the mischievous though to have sex, try to think about how you would feel if you made love now or waited a little longer. 


10. Not Experimenting Enough


Foreplay is an art, and it is an ongoing process, so there is no best foreplay techniques and approaches. To find what works for you, you need to have an open mind and experiment.
Without trying anything new you won’t be able to know, what you like and what you don’t like. And, this is the part, where you can turn on your imagination, or letting your partner take the lead, or trying out new toys. The sky, and your body is the limit here.

Another great way to spice up your foreplay is to play the Foreplay Game, which is a card game tailored specifically to improve your foreplay experience. It has 50 sexy activities sorted in 3 stages -gradually increasing the sexual tension between the two of you!

Foreplay Game for couples



As you know sex is an important part of a relationship, so why not make it even better by improving your foreplay as well? 
The truth is that many people skip foreplay altogether or make many mistakes when approaching it, and it could be hurting not only your sexual life, but the relationship as a whole.
The good news is that once you know the right steps to take, you’ll find that making love becomes a lot easier and a lot more fun.
Now that you've read the things you should not be doing, you're probably looking for ways to make your foreplay as good as possible. Read our article about – 10 ways to make your foreplay better.

As always, feel free to read other relationship tips and look around our store to find some thoughtful and sexy gifts for couples.

FAQ Section:

1. What is the most common mistake people make during foreplay?

One of the most common mistakes is not asking your partner what they like. Adequate foreplay requires understanding and catering to your partner's preferences, which vary significantly between individuals. Open communication about likes and dislikes is crucial.

2. Is it okay to talk during foreplay?

While verbal communication can be helpful, such as expressing likes and asking for feedback, avoid over-talking. Too much conversation can disrupt the mood. Instead, discuss your desires and boundaries beforehand and use simple cues during the moment.

3. How can we slow down and enjoy foreplay more?

Pace yourself by starting with gentle touches and gradually increasing intensity. Focus on building anticipation rather than rushing to the main event. Taking your time helps both partners feel more comfortable and enhances the overall experience.

4. How can we experiment more during foreplay?

Keep an open mind and try new things together. This could include introducing toys, exploring different types of touch, or playing games like the Foreplay Game, which offers structured activities to enhance your foreplay experience. Experimentation helps discover what you both enjoy and keeps things exciting.


Have a better foreplay

We would love to hear from you!

Maybe, we missed a typical foreplay mistake? What are your thoughts on the importance of a good foreplay? Is it a must for you, or sex by itself is good enough? Leave your thoughts in the comment section below!

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