Dirty Talk: The Ultimate Guide to Talking Dirty | And 50+ Ideas

Updated: 12 March, 2024

Whether you want to talk dirty in bed, send sexy text messages on the phone, or just need some help getting started, this guide will teach you everything you need to know about being a master of this exceptional skill that will elevate your relationship.
Sex is fun, and dirty talk is a fun way to bring sex to life. With a bit of creativity and effort, it can turn an ordinary sexual encounter with your partner into something extra special.
Whether you’re talking about lovemaking or you’re just wanting to explore what you can say to turn your lover on, naughty and sexy phrases can be the key to giving your intimate encounter the intensity and sexual excitement it deserves.
Have you ever had that desire to talk dirty in bed but just haven’t quite mastered it?
Either you are a beginner or an expert at sexy talk, you might find something for you here, so read on!

*Tips are not sorted in any particular order.

Read time: approximately 12 minutes.


Dirty Talk: The Ultimate Guide to Talking Dirty | And 50+ Ideas


What Is Dirty Talk?

At its very core, it is an activity between two (or more) people with the intent to arouse each other with verbal, textual, and/or non-verbal cues. 
Put simply, it is being sexy, flirty, and playful with your significant other using words, from naughty jokes and using sexy pet names to suggesting sexy scenarios. How light-hearted or naughty should it be? Well, that depends on you!
Just like any other part of the sexual experience, it is meant to heighten the pleasure of the experience for both parties in the relationship—in and outside the bedroom.
If you’re having problems getting started, the best thing to do is to listen to or follow the lead of your significant other. They’ll probably give you a few pointers and tell you what to avoid.

What Can I Expect?

There are lots of people who will tell you that “dirty talk is just a part of the sexual act,” and it can be done only by the best seducers, but that’s simply not true.
It is a lot easier than you might think. If you know what you're doing and you know that your significant other is willing to try it, you'll be surprised at just how easy it is to get you in the mood.
In fact, using erotic talk can be a very intimate way to bring your partner closer to you, because it allows you to be more sexual than you might have been otherwise in your relationship.
You can use dirty talk to spice up the fun under the sheets, as well as get him or her to become aroused and ready for sex.

Take The Dirty Talk Quiz

Is Dirty Talk an Element of Foreplay?

It is often referred to as "the language of passion," but that's only because it's a type of verbal foreplay that's used to create sexual tension and desire and to arouse.

Sexy talk is also one of the best ways to make your partner feel sexy, and to turn him or her on—not just during nighttime play but in every part of their lives.

So, the bottom line - yes, it is a part of the foreplay if used as a foreplay activity, but overall, it is so much more than that.

Dirty talk in foreplay

How Should I Begin?

The first thing you should know is that dirty talk isn’t just about words. It’s about the way you use them (i.e., non-verbal cues).

Dirty talk is all about energy and how much you put into it. Think about it this way: if you were going to take a shower with someone who didn’t know what you liked, you would have to be really clear about what you wanted.

If you’re a beginner to dirty talk, start slow. Start by having an intimate chat with your significant other. Talk it out: what do you think is sexy and fun, and what could be "too rough" for you?

Then, start by whispering softly in your partner’s ear. Let your partner get used to you saying certain phrases. You can use explicit language and special words to build up to more and more intimate moments.

And then keep doing it more often. Eventually, it will feel natural and get hotter and more intense.

If you're new to the world of erotic talk and dirty text messages, here are some tips for you:


  • It doesn't matter what you say, as long as you're saying it in a way that makes your other half want to hear it. 
  • Dirty talk can be used in many different ways to spice up the bedroom fun, bring your spouse closer to you, tease them, encourage them to do something, or even help you get aroused. 
  • You might not know how much your partner likes something until you ask them. Great as "something new" into your sexual relationship. 
  • If you are too shy to talk in person, try using your phone and sending dirty messages first. 
  • When you feel more confident, consider trying video chat as well.

What Can I Say?

What makes dirty talk so effective is that it taps into a basic human desire: sexual gratification. The thing is, what is gratifying specifically for you?
Many men and women are hesitant to talk dirty because they feel they’ll come off as creepy, desperate, or clumsy. Although there is some truth in that, only if you approach it from the wrong angle, so to speak.
If you approach erotic talk as a bonding exercise and talk it out with your partner beforehand, it will become something fun and exciting.
In fact, research shows that men who are open about what they want are viewed as much more attractive by women, and men who communicate directly about sex are more likely to get results.

dirty text messages

How Should it Feel?

Dirty talk is all about getting the other person to feel aroused, excited, and wanted and to say, "Yes, I want it more."

It's about making them feel like they are the only person in the world. It's about asking for what you want and then telling them how great they are. It's about flirting and then having them flirt back. 

How things feel, how things look, how things smell, how things taste, how things sound, and how things taste. 

Again, how naughty or how vanilla should it be—that depends on you and only you. Of course, you can begin light and safe and, over time, find the right sexy words and use them more.

Ease Into it Slowly

You can start with a conversation that you'd like to continue in the future. You might want to suggest an idea or a fantasy that you think would be hot.
If you want to be a little more direct, you can simply ask your loved one what they'd like to see happen next or what they'd like to hear.
Or you can try a sexy couples game that encourages dirty talk. Although not specifically created for this purpose, the Kinky Game has some cards that can do much for your sexy messaging and chatting skills.

What Shouldn't I Say?

Sexy talk, as exciting and fun as it is, can be harmful if used incorrectly.

After you have talked out the things that you feel are not right for you, always remember that erotic talk should never be used to force anything. 

Don't pressure yourself, and don't manipulate your significant other into doing something uncomfortable.

So, if it feels uncomfortable, pressured, or just not right, change your approach. Try to do it lighter, or don't use particular triggers, or simply take a breather, talk it out, and then try it again.

Where Do I Go From Here?

Exploring the realm of dirty talk with your partner begins with open-mindedness and a shared curiosity about each other's desires and boundaries. Engaging in honest conversations is critical, allowing both partners to express their fantasies and limitations comfortably. To enrich these discussions, consider seeking resources—books, articles, or workshops—that offer insights into verbal seduction and the powerful connection between words and arousal.

Active listening and empathy during these exchanges ensure a safe space for exploration. Start with subtle, flirty messages to build comfort, gradually evolving into more explicit dialogue as mutual confidence grows. This journey isn't just about the thrill of dirty talk but about deepening your bond and discovering new dimensions of pleasure together, making every step towards openness and experimentation a shared adventure in intimacy.

dirty talk ideas

Communication Is The Key

This is the perfect time to get to know your partner’s sexual desires. It might take some time to figure out how to get in touch with those needs and desires.
You may have a lot of questions about sex, and you might need to ask them.
Some people are more private than others, so you may want to share your thoughts with your partner.
What turns them on? What gets them excited? What do they like to see or do during sex?

Talk About Desires and Fantasies

You can also talk about how you want to be touched and what turns you on. You may want to use this opportunity to ask about their fantasies.

If your partner has fantasies that they would love to act out, or if they have certain things that they’d love to try, this is the time to discuss those fantasies. Would they like you to dress a certain way? What turns them on?

Would they like you to do something that turns you on? This can be a great time to get to know your partner better.

More explicit dirty talk examples and dirty text messages for your lover:


  1. I need you right now. 
  2. I want you to undress me with your teeth. 
  3. Come over. Bring handcuffs. 
  4. I'll rip your clothes off the moment I see you. 
  5. I get so turned on just thinking about the last time we had sex. 
  6. I want you to slowly kiss me from my lips, down my mouth and neck, onto my breasts, and all the way down to my pussy. 
  7. I just want to be used by you tonight. Describe what you will do to me! 
  8. I can't wait to slide my dick inside you. Can you make me your personal toy tonight? 
  9. I feel so weak and turned on inside. 
  10. I want to give you the best oral sex you've ever had. 
  11. I want to tie you up and have my way with you. 
  12. I love feeling you in my hands! 
  13. You dominating me is so hot! 
  14. Describe what you will do with your mouth to me! 
  15. I love the moment when you make me beg! 
  16. I love when you make me beg! 
  17. Stop talking and start fucking me! 
  18. It makes me horny when you guide my hand down your body. 
  19. Feeling you on top of me and in control is the most erotic thing ever! 
  20. I can't wait until we're both alone so that I can blow your mind. 
  21. I want to hear you say naughty words to me! 
  22. I never want you to stop, it feels so good. 
  23. I want you to finish wherever you like. 
  24. I'm going to fuck you so hard when I see you. 
  25. I love how hard you can make me come. 
  26. Be a good little girl and spread your legs for me. 
  27. Your tongue is magical. 
  28. I've been looking forward to sitting on your face all day long. 
  29. That thing you do with your mouth really makes me hot. 
  30. I love sexting with you! Tell me a kinky story about what you will do to me tonight. 
  31. Want to watch me strip? 
  32. Use your words and speak up! 
  33. I want you so bad. 
  34. I want to strip you naked ASAP. 
  35. I want to throw you on the bed and have my way with you. 
  36. I want to bend you over my desk when you get here. 
  37. You're so fucking sexy. I love it when you're naked. 
  38. What do you want me to do to you? 
  39. I want to feel how wet your pussy is. 
  40. You make me so wet/hard when you moan. 
  41. I can't wait to see your perfect lips around my dick. 
  42. I miss the way you taste. 
  43. I want to ride you like a pony. 
  44. The way you're sexting me is hot. Want to show me what you mean?
  45. Woman! Bend over and let me enjoy this feeling! 
  46. Do you think you can spank me hard enough to leave a mark? I've been naughty. 
  47. What are you going to do about it? 
  48. I can't wait to watch you scream my name. 
  49. I'm completely naked and thinking about you. Want a video? 
  50. Tonight I'm going to have my way with you until you're pleading for mercy. 
  51. I want you to look in my eyes when you finish.



sexy dirty talk ideas

In Conclusion


The best sex is when both people are into it. And dirty talk does play a role. It can bring us closer and build excitement. 
However, if you go too far, you’ll push your partner away. It’s all about balance. 
So, if you’ve ever wondered what all the fuss was about talking dirty in bed or if you’re looking to spice up your love life, this guide is going to give you all the information you need to be an expert.
From knowing when to talk naughty and what phrases to use to where to find more information about it, this article will help you get the kind of sexy talk you deserve.


As always, feel free to read other relationship tips and look around our store to find some thoughtful and sexy gifts for couples.


FAQ: Dirty Talk in Relationships

1. Is dirty talk beneficial for all relationships?

Yes, dirty talk can be a healthy addition to many relationships. It can enhance intimacy, increase sexual satisfaction, and open new channels of communication between partners. However, discussing boundaries and consent is crucial to ensuring both partners are comfortable and enjoy the experience.

2. How do I start incorporating dirty talk if I'm shy?

Begin with small steps. Start by expressing your desires or compliments during intimate moments in more straightforward, less intimidating ways. You can also try texting as a less direct approach to ease into dirty talk, gradually increasing your comfort level. Communication with your partner about your feelings towards dirty talk can also help.

3. Can dirty talk improve our sex life?

Absolutely. Dirty talk can heighten sexual tension, increase arousal, and make sexual encounters more thrilling. It allows partners to express their desires and fantasies openly, which can lead to a more satisfying sexual experience. However, ensuring that the talk is consensual and respects each partner's boundaries is important.

4. Are there any topics or phrases that should be avoided in dirty talk?

Yes, any language or topics that make your partner uncomfortable should be avoided. It's essential to have a discussion about boundaries and preferences before engaging in dirty talk. Avoid derogatory terms unless previously agreed upon as enjoyable for both parties and stay clear of bringing up sensitive or triggering subjects

Let Us Know

Do you use dirty talk in foreplay and during sex? Do you have favorite texts or messages?  Let us know in the comments below.

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