Sexual Health Tips (18+) · Mar 08, 2022

Top Reasons Why Sex Gets Boring in a Relationship

The excitement, the desire, the passion – when you have all those elements in your relationship, the sex is just amazing! But as the relationship matures, and the initial feelings wears off, also the sex can become stale and boring.

Your body and mind just don’t have the same feeling it used to have. It can happen!

But if you can find a way to spice things up and make the experience more exciting, then you’re on the right track.

If sex is an important part of your life, then it’s important to make sure it’s not boring. And there are a lot of things that can make sex boring in a relationship, such as lack of communication, too much responsibility, and lack of sexual tension.

But what if there are actually some other things that make sex boring?

Here are some of the reasons why sex gets boring in a relationship, and what you can do to spice things up once you’ve started.

To learn more tips how to improve your sexual life, see our Sexual Health section here.

*Tips are sorted in no particular order and can be done separately.

Read time: approximately 10 minutes

Top Reasons Why Sex Gets Boring in a Relationship

Sex has become a chore

If you and your partner have been together for a while, sex can get a little dull. Sure, you still enjoy it, but it’s no longer as exciting as it once was, and in turn you often find yourself doing it for the sake of sense of responsibility not for excitement.

If this is the case, then likely the novelty has worn off and you’re not thinking about it anymore. This is normal, especially when you’ve been dating for a while.

To rekindle the spark and re-introduce excitement in the bedroom, try something new! Either it is as simple as new poses, or something more sophisticated as using new toys or trying role-play. New will be exciting!

Of course, start with a conversation – learn more about what you and your partner would like to try. Even talking about it could put you in the mood!

To get the conversation going, you can try playing our Naughty Conversations, which is a collection of 100 questions meant to learn more about your desires, fantasies, and sexuality.

You struggle to make time for sex

It's a tough one because there are so many different ways to look at this situation, but it almost always is not due lack of time.

Of course, there are periods in our lives when we are just too focused and too busy for anything else, but they are as said – brief periods. So, if you don’t have time for sex over a long period, the problem is something else.

You either lost sexual interest in your partner, or are too tired from your daily responsibilities, or have some unresolved issue beneath it all, so you make excuses not to have physical intimacy.

As usual, it is important to ask yourself – what exactly is the problem here. Only then you can try to fix it.

If at fault are the daily responsibilities, then you could try scheduling sex with your partner. Yes, it might sound un-sexy, but scheduled sex is better than no sex at all. Right?

You no longer want to try new things in bed

When you’re in a long-term relationship, sex can get a little stale. There are things you’ve tried before, or even tried in a different relationship and have had good results, but you feel like it just isn’t clicking in the same way anymore.

You might even think that “you have tried it all”, so what is the point even trying something new, right?

But, of course, no one has tried it “all”. There always are new things to explore. Get a new toy, try sex in a new place, change the dynamics and many, many more things you can try.

And, you can try a new sexy game that could introduce new ideas, or new approaches to old ideas you can enjoy.

You don’t feel wanted

Desire is the drive of sex, and desire comes out of feeling wanted and wanting them.

So, it is not a surprise that the sex starts to feel boring, and you want it less, if you don’t feel wanted.

The truth is - when the relationship is new, and everything is exciting, it is easy to be wanted and to desire them in turn.

It just comes naturally. But after a while, when the initial excitement goes away (and it will go away), it can become more difficult to desire and urge for one another without some “push”.

So, make the time and put some effort into this – set up a date night, dress up, compliment and surprise each other. Make it fresh and exciting time over and over again.

You forget about the foreplay

Ah, this is a great and common one. There are couples who focus on the sex itself so much that they forget about the part that comes before – the foreplay!

Foreplay is the main thing that gets you in the mood. If the foreplay is great and done right, it can even be more exciting then the sex itself, so it is not difficult to imagine sex going boring if you dismiss the foreplay.

If you are among those couples who skip right to the sex, but often feel underwhelmed by it, try to take it slower next time. Set up the mood with candles, music, wear something sexy. Start with a massage and slow kisses. Don’t rush it but enjoy every part of your physical intimacy!

To learn more about the common mistakes couples make during foreplay, click here.

Or have a go with our Foreplay Game that is created for the sole reason to heat up your foreplay experience.

You’re always not in the mood or tired

This is among the most common issue that couples experience that leads to many other sexual problems in their relationship.

Similarly, as it is “when you don’t have time” for sex, also here most likely the problem lies somewhere else. You can be too busy with the everyday responsibilities, lost interest, or something else is preventing you to relax with your partner.

When you’re tired, it's more likely that you won't want to engage in a physical act that can feel both physically and emotionally draining.

It's been said that sex gets boring because of stress and tension. In fact, there are studies that show that sexual satisfaction in a relationship drops significantly when couples get into arguments and tension.

The most important reason why couples get tired of sex in their relationships is that they don't give each other enough attention

When we're stressed and in high-tension environments, our body produces more adrenaline and cortisol. This is the hormone responsible for lowering the quality of our sexual energy.

So, of you feel like being tired and never in the mood for sex, try something new in the bedroom, work on your own happiness and ell being (like go for a walk, meet some friends) or talk it out with your partner – maybe there is something else beneath.

You don’t know how to spice up your sex life

So, the sex has become boring, and you want to spice things up in the bedroom. But what do you do? The short answer: add variety.

And actually, this question is often asked by people in long-term relationships who are having trouble maintaining a healthy sex life. While there are many reasons why couples might be having problems in the bedroom, the most common reason is lack of novelty in sexual activity.

There are a few things that can help you make your sex life more fun and exciting, like incorporating a little something extra into your lovemaking that you wouldn't normally think about.

A lot of people find that being creative is one of the best ways to keep sex fresh. In other words, if you want to keep the romance alive, consider trying out new sex positions or try some new toys.

You can also do things that you never thought possible, such as role, play, anal play, or even get into bondage. These are just a few ideas to help you make sure you’re always having the best sex you can imagine.

As a great getaway toy you could use to find new sensations, are the Sensual Pleasure Ties. They can be used as restraining your movement, as a blindfold for sensory deprivation or for tying you up.

Sensual Pleasure Ties (Red)

You don’t talk about sex enough

When you’re in a long-term relationship, due to the many reasons we mentioned before, the sex can get boring.

If you feel like things have gotten stale, one of the best things you can do is to take some time to discuss it with your partner. Just by talking you can add excitement.

You might be surprised at what they have to say, and what you might do to make the situation better.

You can talk about what you like, how he or she could improve the experience, or how you can help each other to make it more exciting.

In Conclusion

The goal of sex isn’t to have more sex (although more sex is also good). The goal is to have meaningful sex that you both enjoy.

If you’ve been in a relationship for more than a year, and you’ve had trouble having meaningful sex, you’re not alone.

Surely at the beginning of a relationship that comes naturally, but over the long term this takes some work.

By looking at the most common reasons why sex gets boring you might find a thing or two that relates to you, so you can then try improving it. Everyone deserves to have a great time when having sex, and so do you!