Sexual Health Tips (18+) · Mar 18, 2022

14 Tips to Get You in the Mood for Sex

Updated: August 29th, 2024

You already know that sex is the heartbeat of a thriving relationship, but let’s be real—keeping the passion alive and sizzling between the sheets can sometimes feel like a challenge. Maybe you’ve wondered, “How can I reignite that spark and keep things exciting?”

The answers might be closer than you think, hiding in those small, everyday moments you often overlook. Your mood, environment, and mindset all greatly influence how you experience intimacy. The right vibe can turn an ordinary night into an unforgettable one.

But here’s the kicker: it’s not just about setting the scene; it’s about how you feel and what you bring into that intimate space. Sex is one of life’s greatest pleasures, yet so many factors—hormones, emotions, stress—can get in the way of truly enjoying it. It’s time to take control and set the stage for the best sex of your life.

To help you find ways to get you in the mood for sex, here are 14 easy ways to put yourself in the right place for better-quality sex.

*To learn more tips on how to improve your intimate life, see our Sexual Health section here.

*Tips are sorted in no particular order and can be done separately.

Read time: approximately 6 minutes

14 Tips to Get You in the Mood for Sex

1. Create a Sensual Setting

Creating a sensual setting isn't just about aesthetics—crafting a space where you and your partner can feel safe, connected, and free to explore your desires. For those who struggle with intimacy, this can be a daunting task.

Maybe you've been feeling disconnected or overwhelmed by the stresses of daily life, and the idea of getting in the mood feels more like a chore than a pleasure. But here's the truth: you're not alone in this. According to a study published in The Journal of Sex Research, nearly 60% of couples experience periods of low sexual desire at some point in their relationship.1

Dr. Emily Nagoski, a sex educator and author of Come As You Are, emphasizes that "context is everything" when it comes to sexual arousal.2

If your environment isn't conducive to relaxation and connection, getting in the mood is much more complicated. So, whether soft lighting, soothing music, or a clutter-free space, creating a sensual setting allows you to slow down and be present with your partner.

It's okay to feel vulnerable; take your time and find what makes you both feel connected. Remember, this is your space to explore and enjoy each other without judgment or pressure.

2. Turn Your Partner On

If you want to turn your significant other on, don't just sit there waiting for them to just be horny.

Look at him/her, stroke their arm, massage their shoulders, and talk to them. Touching is a natural way to communicate affection and love to another person and is a good way to let them know what you're feeling.

Caressing your partner's body can send different signals, depending on where you touch them and how hard or soft you do that. To get the message across, think about the words that come to mind when you feel your spouse's body.

3. Use Words That Are Playful and Sensual

Communication and emotional intimacy matter a lot. That includes our body language and what we say.

To get your significant other in the mood try to switch up the way you talk and express more compliments and maybe even talk dirty.

Ask questions like “Are you as comfortable as you would like to be?”, “What would you like me to do with my hands or my mouth, or what about you?”, and “If we would be in bed right now, what would we do?”.

Start to practice it every time you are ready to have sex.

4. Stay fit

This is not particularly something you can do on the spot, but being active and fit will overall increase your libido and your mood and sex drive will become more stable.

So, it is wise to have at least the occasional exercise. Once a week go for a run, ride a bike or do yoga at home.

This will not only make you feel better about yourself, but also reduce stress levels, and let you get in the mood more easily.

5. Tell a Sexy Story

Don't underestimate a sexy story - it can leave a big impact and inspire you and your partner for hot moments.

If you want to get your loved one into the mood for sex, the right words will do the trick, and on top of sensual talk, you can tell a raunchy story!

You can get very creative here and can tell an imagination of what you and your lover could be doing, or you can tell something sexy about other, fictional people. Whichever comes more naturally to you.

6. Be Romantic

They say that foreplay starts immediately when the sex ends, so romance plays a big role in your intimate life as well as getting someone into the right mood.

The easiest way to turn your lover on is to make the effort. It's easy to be lazy when it comes to romance, especially when you're in a long-term marriage.

But the benefits are obvious and immediate. A great way to start making your spouse feel loved is by being more affectionate and thoughtful.

You can be romantic by surprising her with gifts, taking her out to nice restaurants, going to nice movies together, and doing small things for her that show she's important.

7. Use Your Hands

One of the ways you can get your spouse in the mood for sex is to use your hands. Yes, hands! Shocking, right?

Whether you are trying to excite your partner or bring him or her to orgasm, using your hands will help make this happen.

This can be something as innocent as gently rubbing your partner’s back and neck and can go all the way to giving a hand job.

Probably the best way to go is to start slowly and then mix it up by teasing each other with all kinds of sensual touches.

Masturbation can be a powerful tool during sex, foreplay, and when getting you both in the mood.

8. Use Sex Toys

To take it up a notch, use sex toys in your arsenal. There are many you can use when you already are in the mood and others that can get you there.

For example, taking something as simple as blindfolding your partner can create sexual tension, as your lover will experience the excitement and wonder what will come next.

There is so much to choose from - you start with a simple vibrator or sexy lingerie, or you can try foreplay, anal, and masturbation toys. Nowadays there are so many sex toys for him and for her.

Even talking about introducing a sex toy in your next play, can get you in the right mood!

Sensual Pleasure Ties (Red)

9. Be Spontaneous

Every couple is different, but from time to time everyone likes to do some exciting, and explore their desires and hidden pleasures in the bedroom.

So, surprise your partner with a sexy and unexpected treat. Wear a set of sexy lingerie, say you want to take a sexy shower together so you can unwind and explore each other bodies.

Or take a totally different route - go to a fancy restaurant and have a spectacular dinner, drink, share a spicy conversation, connect, and end it with a sexy night under the sheets.

10. Keep the Mood Light

The idea is simple, but it works. Quite simply make your partner relaxed, and leave all the stress at the door.

Propose him/her to go shower or to relax in the bath, prepare their favorite drink, put on some soothing music, and prepare the room.

By changing your lighting or ambient noise, you’ll be able to make the room feel like a different place. giving a sensual massage.

Use this technique to get your partner's libido higher and excited for sex, or to get them more in the mood for sex when they’re feeling stressed or exhausted.

11. Know Your Boundaries

Sometimes it just is not the right time to get into the mood, and trying to get someone in the mood would be forced to have sex, so it is important to know your boundaries.

Begin by asking yourself whether you both are comfortable doing something, and do you think your partner actually is up for sex right now.

Maybe, it has been a difficult day and your partner needs a shoulder to rest on, so better connect instead, and the sexy time will come later naturally.

12. Play a Sexy Game

Sometimes the daily responsibilities just get in your way of getting in the mood.

In these times you might need some outside influence to get you both going, and a great mediator of sorts is a sexy bedroom game.

These kinds of games will do the talking on your behalf and act as motivators for you to explore and figure out what you both love.

a couple laying in bathtub and being intimate

13. Be Patient

Sex has to be approached with the right attitude," says sexologist Dr. Rachel Venning. "It's not a race — it takes time. And a lot of patience."

One of the most important aspects of foreplay is your own arousal and excitement. And this includes setting the stage for sexual activity.

One way is to try intentionally to get in the mood, but you can also wait until you’re aroused and then slowly move into the next room.

Sometimes the best way is to wait a little. If quick tips do not help you, then it probably is wise to wait for a little. Not to force it.

But, if you (or your partner) just cannot get in the mood for a long period of time, probably there are some bigger problems underneath, and you should resolve them first. This will prevent even more stressful situations.

14. Find Your Unique Solution

Everyone and every couple have different levels of sex drive, unique fantasies, and needs for pleasure, so there is no one-fits-all solution.

The best way to approach this is to be open with each other. Open to communication and trying new things.

Talk about sex and your preferences, then play out some of your fantasies. Switch it up, then see what you both enjoy the most, and then do it more.

Keep it fun, honest, and sexy.

In Conclusion

Every woman and man has an ideal sex life that they desire to experience, and many people (if not most) never achieve that.

Your sexuality is something that you should treat as a valuable resource and not a source of guilt, shame, frustration, stress, or pressure. There is no magic pill, potion, or technique for getting in the mood for sex at any time or increasing your libido.

You are not a robot, nor should you feel like one, so getting in the mood is not something you can "control, "but there are some things that can help you to get in the mood.

So. we have gathered a few ideas for you in this article, but of course, there are many more – and definitely, there are some that fit your taste. You just have to experiment and find out what works for you and your partner the best.

Just remember don’t stress and force anything. In fact, the best sex is when you take the time to truly feel it, and that's when you'll want to have more!

As always, feel free to read other relationship tips and look around our store to find some thoughtful and sexy gifts for couples.

The Foreplay Game

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How exciting and important is sex in your relationship?

How do you usually get in the mood for sex?

Leave your thoughts in the comment section below!

FAQ Section:

1. Why am I struggling to get in the mood for sex?

Struggling to get in the mood for sex can stem from various factors, including stress, fatigue, hormonal imbalances, or underlying emotional issues. It's important to recognize that fluctuations in sexual desire are normal and can be influenced by physical health, mental well-being, and even relationship dynamics. Taking time to relax, manage stress, and address any emotional concerns can help improve your mood for intimacy.

2. How can I communicate with my partner about my sexual needs?

Communicating about sexual needs can be challenging but is essential for a healthy relationship. Start by choosing a comfortable, private setting to talk. Use "I" statements to express your feelings and desires without blaming or criticizing your partner (e.g., "I feel more connected when we try new things in bed"). Be open to listening to your partner's needs, and approach the conversation with empathy and a willingness to explore together.

3. What are some natural ways to increase libido?

Increasing libido naturally can involve lifestyle changes such as regular exercise, a balanced diet rich in vitamins and minerals, and adequate sleep. Managing stress through activities like yoga or meditation can also help. Additionally, certain foods like dark chocolate, nuts, and berries are known for their libido-boosting properties. Maintaining a strong emotional connection with your partner through regular communication and affection can also enhance sexual desire.

4. How do I deal with sexual rejection in a relationship?

Dealing with sexual rejection can be difficult, but it's important to approach it with understanding and open communication. Recognize that rejection does not necessarily reflect your partner's feelings for you; it might be due to stress, fatigue, or other personal issues. Instead of taking it personally, have a calm conversation with your partner about how you're feeling and explore ways to address the underlying causes together. Building emotional intimacy and trust can help navigate these moments without damaging your connection.

5. Are there any supplements that can help improve sexual desire?

Yes, several supplements, such as maca root, ginseng, and L-arginine, are known to help improve sexual desire. These natural supplements can support hormonal balance, increase blood flow, and boost energy levels, potentially enhancing libido. However, consulting with a healthcare professional before starting any supplement is essential to ensure it's safe and appropriate for your individual health needs.

Citations:

1. Hawton K, Catalan J, Fagg J. Low sexual desire: sex therapy results and prognostic factors. Behav Res Ther. 1991;29(3):217-24. doi: 10.1016/0005-7967(91)90111-f. PMID: 1883302.

2. The Science of Horniness | Come As You Are | Dr. Emily Nagoski, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SNZFrx3HGo