Relationship Tips · Feb 09, 2022

A relationship without arguments or fights - is it a good thing?

Is a relationship without arguments or fights good or bad? In short – usually, no.

In a perfect world, we would all get along perfectly and never have any disagreements. But this is not a perfect world, and relationships are bound to experience conflict at some point.

The key is to learn how to argue effectively – without damaging the relationship. When we avoid conflict altogether, we miss the opportunity to improve our relationship.

So, let’s find out, why it is a good thing to argue from time to time, as long as you do it with the right intentions in the long run.

Read time: approximately 10 minutes

Relationship without arguments or fights is it a good thing?

I don’t argue. Is it bad?

As always - it depends. Do you not argue, because everything is going perfectly in the relationship or you don't argue because you avoid conflict, or are afraid of upsetting your partner? It is a big difference.

Avoiding conflict is a form of conflict, because if we feel like saying something, but don't say it, we are building this big void in ourselves, that eventually will come out. And, the longer you will hold it in, the harder and painful it will explode.

It is important to remember that disagreements are a natural part of any relationship. No two people are going to agree on everything, and there will be times when you disagree about something.

However, if you can learn how to argue in a healthy way, then it can strengthen your relationship. However, if you avoid conflict altogether, then your relationship will eventually stagnate.

Why do we need to have arguments?

Every person is different and has their own opinions, viewpoints, emotions, and experiences that make them unique.

In a perfect world, where we could just know, what the other person is thinking and feeling, we might not need to argue, bet the reality is that we are not psychics, so we need to communicate and arguments are a form of communication.

Surely, it is better to communicate in a calm, respective manner, but we are just humans and sometimes emotions kicks in. Maybe, we think that we said something, and our partner just ignores us, so we get annoyed up to the point we need to express ourselves by escalating that to an argument.

And it is normal. But what needs to be done – is to then deal with it. If you said something in this argument that should not have been said – apologize afterwards. If you raised your voice – after the argument, explain yourself, so your partner can understand your intention.

So, arguments will happen, and it is not a bad thing by it’s own, but you have to learn to keep them as respectful as possible and learn from them, so they are effective not destructive in the long run.

Effective and destructive arguments

Arguing effectively requires communication and respect for each other. You need to be able to express yourself honestly, without attacking the other person on a personal level.

And you need to be willing to listen to what the other person has to say. If you can do this, then you will be able to resolve conflicts in a positive way – and your relationship will continue to grow stronger.

Of course, in the heat of the moment this can be easier said than done, but every argument heat down eventually, so if you cannot manage your emotions during a fight – think about your fight after you calmed down a bit, and then reflect what has been said and why it was said.

So, arguing is not bad in a relationship – as long as it is done in a healthy way. When you argue effectively, you are communicating with each other, and arguments can even be transformed into passionate sex.

You are expressing your feelings and opinions honestly, and you are listening to what the other person has to say. This can help to resolve conflicts in a positive way, and it can help to strengthen your relationship.

However, if you argue in a destructive way, then it can damage your relationship. If you are constantly attacking the other person, or if you are not willing to listen to what they have to say, then the conflict will only get worse. And this can eventually lead to an unhappy relationship, break-up or divorce.

How to know if you are arguing in a destructive way?

Most of us have been in a bad fight with our partners at some point. Maybe we said things we didn't mean, or maybe we acted out of anger. Whatever happened, we probably regret it afterwards – if we do it is a good sign, that means we care.

But destructive arguing is characterized by hostility and negativity and lack of remorse. The goal is to win, to prove only your point of view, or just to make the other person feel bad rather than resolve the conflict. And in this case we might even not feel bad for our partner. This is really not a good sign.

Both people are focused on attacking each other, and neither one is interested in resolving the issue. This often leads to yelling, name-calling, and even physical violence.

If you find yourself engaging in destructive arguing, then it is important to step back and assess why you are doing it. Are you angry about something that has happened in the past?

Are you feeling insecure or threatened? Are you arguing for the sake of arguing? Maybe, you argue because you are constantly left in a defensive position?

Once you understand why you are engaging in destructive arguing, then you can work on resolving those underlying issues.

A bad fight can cause a lot of damage to a relationship. It can make us feel distant from each other, and it can make us question whether or not we want to stay together. If the fight is really bad, then it might even lead to a break-up or divorce.

So, what can we do to repair the damage?

We have a more in-depth article about reconnecting after a fight here, but we have listed the for most common things you can do to make up for the fight and turn it as a learning lesson instead.

1. Apologize for what happened

This is something that is absolutely a no secret, but apologizing is among the most effective things you can do after any fight.

It can be hard when we have a disagreement with our significant other. It might feel like they are being stubborn and refuse to see things from your perspective.

But if you think about it for just one second imagine the other person is feeling hurt or angry at how much time went into this argument that could've been spent on something more meaningful than arguing over the thing you argued- would he/she want us fighting too?

Don’t take these feelings of frustration let control you. Let the moment pass, calm down a bit and then apologize sincerely even though you may not think you did anything wrong because chances are some parts of the disagreement was your fault.

Another sign of a healthy relationship is knowing when to apologize and admitting when you're wrong even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. If both parties are willing to work on themselves and be better people then surely that will reflect in their relationship too.

2. Talk about the fight

Fighting with loved ones is never fun, but you need to discuss why the fight happened and identify any issues that were involved. This will help prevent future fights from happening!

Most of the time these clashes are caused by little things we usually forget about after a while- barriers like this can lead big problems in relationships which I'm sure everyone wants to avoid at all cost.

As we mentioned before – we don’t read minds, so we need to talk about what happened and how we feel. Communication is the key.

3. You need to rebuild trust in the relationship

If the fight was a major one, there is a chance that some part of your mutual trust has been damaged.

This means after a fight you should be honest with each other, and it means giving each other space when needed.

Trust is not something that can be repaired overnight – it takes time and patience. This will be a very important part of your relationship moving forward but it is a vital part of the process.

An unhealthy relationship makes it difficult to rebuild trust since most people who are in an unhealthy relationship don't realize they are in one, but if your relationship is a healthy one, you will make it happen and the trust come back, and emotions will heal.

4. Let the other person have his/her say

Sometimes arguments happen because of some outside factors. Maybe, it was a terrible day for your partner, his/her emotions just are so heightened that they burst out in flames for completely no fault of yours.

In this case, and this is so often overlooked, but it can make all the difference when you're trying to work things out with someone you love (or even like) – have your partner let out their emotions.

By doing so, your partner eventually will see that you are there for him/her and calm down. This will only make your partner feel more loved and appreciated, so your relationship will become stronger as ever.

But - and this is important, don’t let become this as a habit. Yes, if there are some rare occasions when your partner let’s his/her emotions out on you, it is OK, and you should support your partner, but if this becomes a regular thing, that no longer is healthy.

5. Prepare yourself

You cannot avoid arguments completely, but what you can do is to prepare yourself.

First, have an open mind to having arguments and change your outlook on them. Remember that you will have them, and when you do – you will make the best of that situation.

Second, build your intimacy and better understand each other. Try to know each others feelings, thoughts, emotions. Learn their ques and ticks.

Third, constantly communicate and learn more things about yourselves.

To better understand each other and learn more about your relationship, you can play our Life Conversations – it is a conversation game that will allow you to open up yourselves and delve into meaningful conversations in a safe environment.

The Life Conversations

In conclusion

Too much or destructive arguments are not healthy and should be avoided or dealt with.

But when we avoid conflict altogether, we miss the opportunity to help our relationship improve. Without arguments, there is no progress.

We may feel like our relationship is stronger because we are not fighting, but this type of relationship can be quite unhealthy.

It's important to remember that relationships involve disagreements. If you never argue with your partner, then there's a good chance that something is wrong. You're not communicating effectively, and you're not addressing the issues that are important to you both.

Arguing in a constructive and effective manner can actually strengthen your relationship. It allows you to air your grievances without causing any long-term damage. And it shows that you care enough about the relationship to want to resolve the conflict.

So, if you're having trouble resolving conflicts with your partner, don't give up hope. If the relationship is worth it, there are ways to repair the damage that has been done. Just be patient and be willing to work together.