A Relationship Without Arguments Or Fights - Is It a Good Thing?

Updated: 8 March, 2024

Is a relationship without arguments or fights good or bad? In short, usually, no.
In a perfect world, we would all get along perfectly and never have any disagreements. But this is not a perfect world, and relationships are bound to experience conflict at some point.
The key is to learn how to argue effectively without damaging the relationship. When we avoid conflict altogether, we miss the opportunity to improve our relationship.
So, let’s find out, why it is a good thing to argue from time to time, as long as you do it with the right intentions in the long run. 
Read time: approximately 10 minutes.


Is it Healthy to Never Fight in a Relationship? 

As always, it depends. Do you not argue, because everything is going perfectly in the relationship, or you don't argue because you avoid conflict, or are afraid of upsetting your partner? It is a big difference.

Avoiding conflict is a form of conflict, because if we feel like saying something but don't say it, we are building this big void in ourselves that eventually will come out. And the longer you hold it in, the harder and painful it will explode.

It is important to remember that disagreements are a natural part of any relationship. No two people are going to agree on everything, and there will be times when you disagree about something.

However, if you can learn how to argue in a healthy way, then it can strengthen your relationship. However, if you avoid conflict altogether, then your relationship will eventually stagnate. 

Arguments in a relationship

Why Do We Need to Have Arguments? 

Every person is different and has their own opinions, viewpoints, emotions, and experiences that make them unique.
In a perfect world, where we could just know, what the other person is thinking and feeling, we might not need to argue, bet the reality is that we are not psychics, so we need to communicate and arguments are a form of communication.
Surely, it is better to communicate in a calm, respective manner, but we are just humans and sometimes emotions kicks in. Maybe, we think that we said something, and our partner just ignores us, so we get annoyed up to the point we need to express ourselves by escalating that to an argument.
And it is normal. But what needs to be done – is to then deal with it. If you said something in this argument that should not have been said – apologize afterwards. If you raised your voice – after the argument, explain yourself, so your partner can understand your intention.
So, arguments will happen, and it is not a bad thing by it’s own, but you have to learn to keep them as respectful as possible and learn from them, so they are effective not destructive in the long run.

Effective and Destructive Arguments 

Arguing effectively requires communication and respect for each other. You need to be able to express yourself honestly without attacking the other person on a personal level. And you need to be willing to listen to what the other person has to say. If you can do this, then you will be able to resolve conflicts in a positive way, and your relationship will continue to grow stronger.
Of course, in the heat of the moment, this can be easier said than done, but every argument heats down eventually, so if you cannot manage your emotions during a fight, think about your fight after you calm down a bit, and then reflect on what has been said and why it was said.
So, arguing is not bad in a relationship—as long as it is done in a healthy way. When you argue effectively, you are communicating with each other, and arguments can even be transformed into passionate sex.
You are expressing your feelings and opinions honestly, and you are listening to what the other person has to say. This can help to resolve conflicts in a positive way, and it can help to strengthen your relationship.
However, if you argue in a destructive way, then it can damage your relationship. If you are constantly attacking the other person, or if you are not willing to listen to what they have to say, then the conflict will only get worse. And this can eventually lead to an unhappy relationship, a breakup, or a divorce.


How to Know if You are Arguing in a Destructive Way?

Most of us have been in a bad fight with our partners at some point. Maybe we said things we didn't mean, or maybe we acted out of anger. Whatever happened, we probably regret it afterwards; if we do, it is a good sign, which means we care.

But destructive arguing is characterized by hostility, negativity, and a lack of remorse. The goal is to win, to prove only your point of view, or just to make the other person feel bad rather than resolve the conflict. And in this case, we might even not feel bad for our partner. This is really not a good sign.

Both people are focused on attacking each other, and neither one is interested in resolving the issue. This often leads to yelling, name-calling, and even physical violence.

If you find yourself engaging in destructive arguing, then it is important to step back and assess why you are doing it. Are you angry about something that has happened in the past?

Are you feeling insecure or threatened? Are you arguing for the sake of arguing? Maybe you argue because you are constantly left in a defensive position? 

Once you understand why you are engaging in destructive arguing, you can work on resolving those underlying issues. 

A bad fight can cause a lot of damage to a relationship. It can make us feel distant from each other, and it can make us question whether or not we want to stay together. If the fight is really bad, then it might even lead to a breakup or divorce. 


So, What Can We Do to Repair the Damage? 

We have a more in-depth article about reconnecting after a fight here, but we have listed the most common things you can do to make up for the fight and turn it into a learning lesson instead.

1. Apologize For What Happened 

This is something that is absolutely no secret, but apologizing is among the most effective things you can do after any fight.
It can be hard when we have a disagreement with our significant other. It might feel like they are being stubborn and refuse to see things from your perspective.
But if you think about it for just one second, imagine the other person is feeling hurt or angry at how much time went into this argument that could've been spent on something more meaningful than arguing over the thing you argued. Would he/she want us fighting too?
Don’t let these feelings of frustration control you. Let the moment pass, calm down a bit, and then apologize sincerely, even though you may not think you did anything wrong, because chances are some parts of the disagreement were your fault.
Another sign of a healthy relationship is knowing when to apologize and admitting when you're wrong, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. If both parties are willing to work on themselves and be better people, then surely that will reflect in their relationship too.


Why you should argue as a couple

2. Talk About the Fight

Fighting with loved ones is never fun, but you need to discuss why the fight happened and identify any issues that were involved. This will help prevent future fights from happening!
Most of the time, these clashes are caused by little things we usually forget about after a while. Barriers like this can lead to big problems in relationships, which I'm sure everyone wants to avoid at all costs.
As we mentioned before, we don’t read minds, so we need to talk about what happened and how we feel. Communication is the key.



3. You Need to Rebuild Trust in The Relationship 

If the fight was a major one, there is a chance that some part of your mutual trust has been damaged.
This means that after a fight, you should be honest with each other, and it means giving each other space when needed.
Trust is not something that can be repaired overnight; it takes time and patience. This will be a very important part of your relationship moving forward, but it is a vital part of the process.
An unhealthy relationship makes it difficult to rebuild trust since most people who are in an unhealthy relationship don't realize they are in one, but if your relationship is a healthy one, you will make it happen, the trust will come back, and emotions will heal.

4. Let The Other Person Have His/Her Say 

Sometimes arguments happen because of outside factors. Maybe it was a terrible day for your partner; his/her emotions are so heightened that they burst out in flames for completely no fault of yours.
In this case, and this is so often overlooked, it can make all the difference when you're trying to work things out with someone you love (or even like)—have your partner let out their emotions.
By doing so, your partner will eventually see that you are there for him/her and calm down. This will only make your partner feel more loved and appreciated, so your relationship will become stronger than ever.
But, and this is important, don’t let it become a habit. Yes, if there are some rare occasions when your partner let’s his/her emotions out on you, it is OK, and you should support your partner, but if this becomes a regular thing, that is no longer healthy.

5. Prepare Yourself 

You cannot avoid arguments completely, but what you can do is prepare yourself.
First, have an open mind to having arguments and change your outlook on them. Remember that you will have them, and when you do, you will make the best of that situation.
Second, build your intimacy and better understand each other. Try to know each other's feelings, thoughts, and emotions. Learn their questions and ticks.
Third, constantly communicate and learn more about yourselves.
To better understand each other and learn more about your relationship, you can play our Life Conversations, a conversation game that will allow you to open up yourselves and delve into meaningful conversations in a safe environment.


Avoid arguments in relationship

In conclusion 

Too many or destructive arguments are not healthy and should be avoided or dealt with. But when we avoid conflict altogether, we miss the opportunity to help our relationship improve. Without arguments, there is no progress.
We may feel like our relationship is stronger because we are not fighting, but this type of relationship can be quite unhealthy.
It's important to remember that relationships involve disagreements. If you never argue with your partner, then there's a good chance that something is wrong. You're not communicating effectively, and you're not addressing the issues that are important to you both.
Arguing in a constructive and effective manner can actually strengthen your relationship. It allows you to air your grievances without causing any long-term damage. And it shows that you care enough about the relationship to want to resolve the conflict.
So, if you're having trouble resolving conflicts with your partner, don't give up hope. If the relationship is worth it, there are ways to repair the damage that has been done. Just be patient and be willing to work together.

We would love to hear from you!

How do you deal with arguments in your relationship? Do you avoid them or tackle them head-on?
Maybe we missed an important thing about arguments? Leave your thoughts in the comment section below!

FAQ Section

1. Is it normal for couples to argue in a healthy relationship?

Yes, it's normal and often healthy for couples to argue. Disagreements are a natural part of any relationship due to differing opinions, experiences, and emotions. What's important is how couples manage and resolve these conflicts, ensuring they argue constructively without damaging the relationship.

2. Can avoiding arguments in a relationship lead to problems?

Avoiding arguments can indeed lead to problems in a relationship. When couples avoid conflict, they miss opportunities to address and resolve underlying issues, leading to resentment and distance over time. Effective communication and facing disagreements head-on can strengthen the relationship.

3. How can arguing effectively benefit a relationship?

Arguing effectively can benefit a relationship by enhancing communication, deepening understanding, and resolving conflicts positively. It allows both partners to express their feelings and opinions honestly, leading to mutual growth and strengthening the bond.

4. What are some signs of destructive arguing, and how can it be avoided?

Signs of destructive arguing include personal attacks, name-calling, refusing to listen, and not seeking resolution. To avoid this, focus on the issue rather than the person, listen actively, and express yourself using "I" statements. Apologizing when wrong and taking a break if emotions run too high can also prevent arguments from becoming destructive.



Relationship without arguments

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1 comment

  • Jenny

    I respectfully disagree. Arguing is not necessary, and although it may be normal to disagree on some things, I believe it is healthy to be able to gently discuss disagreements and make compromises together without arguing. My partner and I have never had an argument, and we don’t bottle up conflict. We lovingly work through things together. We are also blissfully happy, and neither of us has had a relationship this wonderful in the past.

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