A relationship without arguments or fights - is it a good thing?
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Relationship without arguments or fights is it a good thing?
I don’t argue. Is it bad?
As always - it depends. Do you not argue, because everything is going perfectly in the relationship or you don't argue because you avoid conflict, or are afraid of upsetting your partner? It is a big difference.
Avoiding conflict is a form of conflict, because if we feel like saying something, but don't say it, we are building this big void in ourselves, that eventually will come out. And, the longer you will hold it in, the harder and painful it will explode.
It is important to remember that disagreements are a natural part of any relationship. No two people are going to agree on everything, and there will be times when you disagree about something.
However, if you can learn how to argue in a healthy way, then it can strengthen your relationship. However, if you avoid conflict altogether, then your relationship will eventually stagnate.
Why do we need to have arguments?
Effective and destructive arguments
How to know if you are arguing in a destructive way?
Most of us have been in a bad fight with our partners at some point. Maybe we said things we didn't mean, or maybe we acted out of anger. Whatever happened, we probably regret it afterwards – if we do it is a good sign, that means we care.
But destructive arguing is characterized by hostility and negativity and lack of remorse. The goal is to win, to prove only your point of view, or just to make the other person feel bad rather than resolve the conflict. And in this case we might even not feel bad for our partner. This is really not a good sign.
Both people are focused on attacking each other, and neither one is interested in resolving the issue. This often leads to yelling, name-calling, and even physical violence.
If you find yourself engaging in destructive arguing, then it is important to step back and assess why you are doing it. Are you angry about something that has happened in the past?
Are you feeling insecure or threatened? Are you arguing for the sake of arguing? Maybe, you argue because you are constantly left in a defensive position?
Once you understand why you are engaging in destructive arguing, then you can work on resolving those underlying issues.
A bad fight can cause a lot of damage to a relationship. It can make us feel distant from each other, and it can make us question whether or not we want to stay together. If the fight is really bad, then it might even lead to a break-up or divorce.
So, what can we do to repair the damage?We have a more in-depth article about reconnecting after a fight here, but we have listed the for most common things you can do to make up for the fight and turn it as a learning lesson instead.
1. Apologize for what happened
2. Talk about the fight
3. You need to rebuild trust in the relationship
4. Let the other person have his/her say
5. Prepare yourself
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