Relationship Tips · Jan 21, 2022

Relationship Doubts: Are they normal and what to do about them

When it comes to relationship doubts, the key is to be able to distinguish between healthy fears that come from a place of caution and unhealthy fears that come from a lack of trust. If your concerns are based in reality and founded in evidence, then it's time to take action.

However, if your doubts are simply based on irrational worries or baseless suspicions, then you need to address those issues before they tear your relationship apart.

Read on to find out, how to deal with doubt and how to take action.

Read time: approximately 10 minutes

Relationship Doubts: Are they normal and what to do about them

When it is normal to have doubts?

Doubt is often seen as a negative emotion, but it can be a healthy response to change. When something new or different happens in our lives, it's natural to feel uncertain or uneasy about what the future holds.

This is especially true when big changes occur – such as moving to a new city, switching careers, or getting married.

Doubt is an indication that we're paying attention to what's happening around us and that we're taking the time to assess the situation before making any decisions.

It can help us stay grounded during times of upheaval and remind us that we're still in control of our own lives. Doubt can also be helpful in preventing us from making hasty decisions that we might regret later on.

When doubts can be harmful?

While doubt can be a healthy response to change, it can also be harmful if it's based on pure imagination and speculation, which then is allowed to fester.

If you're constantly plagued by doubts about your relationship, then it might be time to take a step back and reassess what's going on. Are these doubts based on reality or are they simply stemming from your fears?

When we doubt the basis of our relationship, it usually means that something is wrong, and it needs to be resolved. But this doesn't mean that the relationship is automatically doomed – but it does indicate that there are some serious issues that need to be addressed.

The key is to identify where these doubts are coming from and what's driving them, and this article hopefully will provide the insight for your first steps.

Of course, if you can't do this on your own, then it might be time to seek professional help. A therapist can assist you in exploring the root of your relationship doubts and provide you with the tools necessary to resolve them.

Why are we doubting our loved ones?

There are many reasons to have doubts. As we explained before some doubts can be good, because it means you care, but there definitely can be baseless and harmful doubts.

But other than health and unhealthy doubts we can categorize doubts in two types:

Internal Doubts – these happen because we are unsure about our own feelings. For example, if from time to time you ask yourself “Is this relationship for me”, most likely it is an internal doubt. For the most part these kinds of doubts are normal because we as human beings are constantly learning new things, which includes going over some sort of doubts.
External Doubts – these occur when you think something is happening in the relationship beyond your control. For example, you think your partner does not love you anymore, or is having an affair. In this case these doubts can be based on reality or on your own fiction, and it is important to know, which one is it, because there kind of doubts when let unchecked, can ruin a good relationship.

One manifestation of internal doubts might come to light because no one can measure up to the image of perfection held within our minds. We idealize other people so much so that any misgivings only serve as reminders of this 'imperfection'.

But remember that no one is perfect, not even our partners. We need to remember their good qualities while also accepting their flaws. If we can't do this, then it's likely that we're not ready for a committed relationship.

And regarding external doubts – there can be hundreds of reasons to have such doubts. Maybe, you noticed a change in behavior in your partner, or you have a big event coming up (like marriage or moving in together), or a carrier change, or anything else.

If you are having such doubts, it is important to find out, if the there is something going on, so you can tackle it head on, or maybe it is just a false alarm, and you can ease your mind.

How to know, if my doubts are OK?

Now that we know, what are external and internal doubts, it is important to ask ourselves some simple, but important questions.

1. If you're having external doubts, ask yourself the following questions:

Are my concerns based in reality? If so, are there any proof?
Do my fears have a logical basis? Is it even possible what I am fearful about?
Have I talked to my partner about these concerns, but it did not clear my doubts?

If you answered to at least 2 of these questions with “no”, then most likely you have a brief moment of doubts, but without any strong reason, but if you answered all of these questions with “yes”, then there might be something going on, and you should find out, what’s wrong, so you could work on a solution.

2. And, if you feel the doubts are internal, answer these following questions:

Do I feel good with my partner?
Is this really what I want for myself?
Is this the right relationship for me?

If your answers most of these questions are “no”, then it might be that you are having doubts because subconsciously you are trying to find something wrong, because you are looking for an exit from this relationship.

If this is true, and you have some thinking to do – just be honest with yourself, because to be truly happy in a relationship you have to be sure you wish to be in them.

Remember, relationships are never perfect, but they can be worth fighting for if both parties are willing to put in the effort. And don’t worry, we have prepared some quick advice about how to approach your partner, when dealing with doubt.

Communicate your doubts and fears ASAP

If you're having doubts about your relationship, the best thing to do is communicate those concerns to your partner.

This can be a difficult conversation, but it's important to have open and honest communication in order to resolve any issues that might be plaguing your relationship.

Here are 10 tips for communicating your doubts to your partner:

1. Make sure that you're clear and concise when expressing your concerns

This means that you should avoid using ambiguous phrases such as "I don't know."’ “You know what I am talking about” etc.

Be specific about the things that are worrying you and explain why they're causing doubts in your relationship.

2. Stay calm and be respectful when communicating with your partner

When going in for this talk, remember that you are here to know, what is going on, so even if you're angry or upset, it's important to maintain a leveled head when discussing sensitive issues.

Yelling or screaming will only make things worse – so take a deep breath and try to stay calm.

3. Make sure that you're both on the same page before trying to resolve anything

It's not going to do any good if one person is pushing for a resolution while the other person is still undecided.

Try to come up with a plan that everyone can agree on and then work together to resolve the issues at hand.

4. Be specific about the issues that are bothering you

If there is a specific thing you wish to discuss, try to avoid generalizing or making assumptions about your partner.

For example, don't say "you never help out around the house." Instead, try to be more specific and say "I feel like I do all the work around the house and I would appreciate if you could lend a hand every once in a while."

5. Try not to attack or criticize your partner

That means no name-calling, swearing or blaming your partner for the problems in your relationship that you still having doubts (i.e., the problems might not be rea after all).

This type of behavior will only make things worse, and it won't do anything to help resolve the issues at hand.

6. Listen to what your partner has to say in response

This is just as important as speaking your mind. Make sure that you're listening to what your partner has to say and try not to interrupt them.

If you need time to think about what they've said, then let them know and don't be afraid to ask questions.

And don’t start the conversation when you already have assumed the worst – by doing so you won’t be able to actually hear what your partner explains.

7. Respect your partner's feelings

Even if you don't agree with their position, it's important to respect the fact that they have feelings too.

Just because you disagree with something doesn't mean that you can disregard their opinion entirely.

8. Be willing to compromise and work together to resolve the problem

This is probably the most important thing to remember.

If you want your relationship to work, then you need to be willing to compromise and put in the effort necessary to resolve the issues that are causing problems.

9. Don't bottle up your feelings or keep them bottled up inside

This is a crucial hint since if you don't discuss your relationship issues, they will only get worse as time passes.

If you're feeling uncertain or uncomfortable in your relationship, it's important to take action and figure out what's going on.

Don't wait until the problems get worse – talk to your partner and see if you can resolve the issues together. If that doesn't seem possible, then consider seeking counseling from a therapist who can assist you in exploring the root of your concerns.

Keeping your feelings bottled up inside – it’ll only make things worse in the long run.

10. If all else fails, consider counselling

If you have talked with your partner for quite a while and it still did not take you anywhere, sometimes it's helpful to have an outsider help you deal with your relationship doubts.

A therapist can assist you in exploring the root of your concerns and provide you with the tools necessary to resolve them.

If these tips seem like a lot of work,

that's because they are! Communication is never easy – but it's worth the effort.

Every good relationship is built on trust, and more often than not it means clearing your doubts with a good old conversation. Communication is the key.

The Life Conversations for Couples

In conclusion

If you are experiencing doubts about your relationship, it's important to take a step back and evaluate the root of those feelings. Healthy fears that come from caution can be healthy for relationships because they show that one or both partners is willing to put in extra effort when necessary.

However, unhealthy fears that arise out of an unwillingness to trust have the potential to destroy any chance at happiness with another person.

It's not easy being honest with ourselves about our deepest-held thoughts and desires but if you've read this far then it seems like you might want some help sorting through what these worries mean for your future together.

Let us know in the comment section below – do you have an experience with doubt in relationships that we can learn from? Share your story below and let us know what advice or insights it may offer our readers.

And as always, feel free to read other relationship tips and look around our store to find some thoughtful and sexy gifts for couples.