The Most Common Mistakes Women Make in a Relationship
No one is perfect. We all have our strengths and flaws, and when it comes to romantic relationships, women are no exception. There are smaller and bigger mistakes that women make, some even tend to make a few mistakes that can end up in heartbreak.
We all(men and women) have made mistakes. And as far as dating goes, we’re almost always sure to make a mistake or two, especially if we’re in a new relationship.
While some of us might be more aware of our mistakes than others, there are a few big mistakes we’ve all made. If you’ve done these things, you might be surprised to find out that your relationships with men won’t be any better than they already are.
Whether you’re dating, married, or looking for the right guy, relationship mistakes are an inevitable part of the journey. But what are the biggest mistakes women make, and how can you avoid them? Read on and find out!
*Tips are sorted in no particular order and can be done separately.
Read time: approximately 15 minutes
Most Common Mistakes Women Make in a Relationship
It is almost impossible that you make all the mistakes listed here are applicable to you, but they are among the most common, and chances are you may be making one or two of them, but don’t worry – you are here to learn how to avoid them, which a good thing!
As we said, no one is perfect – men and women make mistakes (see the most common mistakes men do in a relationship here), so take these suggestions as a guideline to reflect on and to become a better partner, not as something to as by all means needs fixing.
So, find here some of the most common mistakes that women make, and use it as a learning experience, so you can avoid them. By avoiding them you will be able to achieve a more loving and happier relationship!
Feeling Unworthy of a Healthy Relationship
This is a major mistake because we’ve been conditioned to believe that if we’re not good enough, no one will love us, so then there’s no point in getting involved with someone.
But that’s not how love works. Love is about the ability to see the person you’re attracted to and still feel good about yourself.
If you’re not comfortable with your body, your personality, or your looks, then it might be a time to reflect what makes you feel like that. It’s not about how other people perceive you. It’s about how you perceive yourself.
Fixating on Perfection
If you are not the one who tries to be perfect, you most likely have encountered the woman who can take guest only when everything is clean, who needs to say the right thing, wear the right clothes and so on.
And, if something is not perfect, she gets upset, and then takes out the blame on the man. Which obviously is not a healthy thing to do.
The reality is that we’re not perfect, our partners are not perfect. Everything and everyone have flaws.
So, the question is, what are we going to do about it? The answer is: we must own it. Own your mistakes. Own your flaws. Own your mistakes and embrace them.
It’s a huge opportunity. Instead of being scared to admit when you’ve made a mistake, use it as an opportunity. Use it to get better. Use it to grow.
Inappropriate, Toxic Behavior
Of course, either man and women can act inappropriate, but women are mostly emotional beings (which is neither good, neither bad), and sometimes emotions take over and brings out of you some not the best qualities.
There are lots of ways that a woman can behave inappropriately in a relationship. You may be overly jealous, possessive, and controlling, you may lie or cheat, or you may treat her man like a baby or a pet.
Inappropriate behavior in relationships usually stems from something that someone did or said when they were upset, hurt, or angry.
Most people don't realize that their inappropriate behavior may be hurting someone else. Quite often you may feel the opposite – that you should or deserve to do the things, and your partner should simply accept it.
But, of course, it is not health and should be addresses and then healed. First, admit to yourself, is your jealousy, cold treatment, anger, control issues etc. really is caused by your partner.
If yes – that is a different topic (find here how a toxic relationship can be healed).
But, if the answer is “no”, then start changing your behavior and talk it out with your partner.
Find out what you are doing that is making your partner feel bad. Once you know what you are doing, you can stop it. Don't take it out on your partner.
Trying to Change Him
This is a truly common thing women try to do, and although it has its good aspects, mostly it does harm than good.
If you are trying to change a person who cares about you, can feel offended, and attacked, because by trying to change him you are silently saying – you are not good enough for me.
Instead, let go of trying to change the person and instead focus on the person as they are. You might be surprised at how much more pleasant your relationship will be if you don’t try to change him.
Surely, there might be a thing or two that we can try to mold for our liking, but don’t try to change his personality, and don’t try to change the things he truly cares about. Maybe it is sports, video games, fishing, his work.
Whatever it may be – if he is passionate about it and that makes him happy, be supportive of him.
There are lots of things that you can do. At the very least let him do those things. And at best – try to contribute, like actively encourage him to do it more, or gift him something that relates to his hobby.
On top of that you could simply make a point to compliment him and tell him how much you love him the way he is.
Setting Negative Expectations
If you're constantly expecting something to go wrong, it will go wrong. If you expect your man will do something wrong, even if he does nothing wrong, you will find something what is wrong.
With this mindset you'll find yourself stuck in a cycle of disappointment.
If you have this kind of outlook, it might be kind of hard to fix, but when you have acknowledged this, try to take small steps.
Instead of looking for a bad thing, look for a good thing. Maybe, each day count three good things that happened. Say thank you more often for the good things your partner did for you.
In the end want your man to be the best person he can be—not the worst. And that takes for you to be the best woman.
To clear unhealthy expectations and set healthy ones, you can sit down with your partner and talk about it. Talk about your expectations, plans, needs, wants, desires, so you can know, what the other person thinks.
A great way to do that is to play the Life Conversations. It is a themed card game with prompts thar include a set of questions with the intent to better known yourselves.
Creating Drama
Basically, creating drama is creating conflict where there really isn’t any problem, or enlarging a small problem into a big one, and then escalating it up to the point, where the man starts fighting back.
An argument by itself is not a bad thing. Actually it can be a good thing (read here, when arguments can be a good thing), but fights that arise from creating a drama, are never good, because they are created for the sake of arguing, or without expressing the actual problems.
When communication breaks down, the arguments begin. When you begin creating conflict before it has the opportunity to develop, you’ll find yourself in an endless cycle of fighting, which will hurt your relationship, your self and your partner.
Willingness to create drama can come either because of your childhood (maybe your parents argued a lot, so you feel comfortable in conflict situations), or it can be due to some deeper problem in your relationship.
So, the first step would be to find out and admit – which one is it. Have drama followed you for as long you can remember yourself, or is it something you find yourself in this relationship?
If it is the first option, then it would be best to have some work with yourself and try to resolve the inner conflict that is following you. And, don’t be afraid saying this to your partner – in a healthy relationship you should be able to deal with these kind of problems by supporting each other.
If it is the second option, then the best approach would be to think what the underlying problem might be, and then talk it out with your partner. If it is something truly serious, you may consider going to a couples therapy.
So, if you find yourself constantly getting yourself into another drama, stop for a second, and think, maybe – the drama is not following you, but it is you that is creating it.
Yes, it is easier said than done, but in the long term it is worth it.
Trying To Tie Him Down ASAP
This can happen when the woman is looking for a serious commitment, while dating someone who is exploring their options, or simply does not yet know what he wants.
When starting to date someone with the full intent of getting serious is not a bad thing by itself, but it becomes problematic, when you expect the other person to want it as well.
The truth is that finding true, passionate, and loving attachment comes with time, so if you are finding yourself in a situation when you feel like your man isn’t committed, give it time.
Learn more about him and let him learn more about yourself. If you will let things unfold, and take it slower than faster, you might be surprised of the outcome.
Surely, everything has its limits and don’t fall into the trap of waiting forever, but at least a few weeks is a good time to see, if you even like him, and he likes you.
The worst part is that if you force him into a relationship he does not actually want, it’s going to be a lot harder for you to get out if you have to, and it can create a hard time for the both of you.
Undermining Physical Intimacy
There are men who can easily last without physical intimacy and there are women who can’t stop thinking about sex, but usually it is the woman who sets the sexual tone. At least in a long-term relationship.
Surely, if both of you are the kind of persons who do not particularly enjoy sex, or both of you can’t get the hands off each other – perfect! It is a match!
But, if you are the kind of woman, who does not mind going without sex for weeks, and find yourself being tired or having the cliché headaches just the same time your man wants to let off some steam with you, maybe it is time to reflect that you might be creating a problem.
Even though you might think you have enough sex, it does not mean your partner thinks the same way.
By neglecting our partner’s sexual needs, desires and wants it creates a lot of tension which in turn creates a serious problem that just might explode one day.
So, if you don’t crave as much sex, ask your partner – is it enough for him. If there is a problem then talk it out and find the middle ground, so both of you are satisfied.
Try playing the Naughty Conversations and finding more about your sexuality. By having a conversation, you might even find out that you both wish the same thing, but just was not able to express it.
Looking for Unhealthy Attachments
There are three different types of attachment styles: secure, avoidant, and anxious. The last two are not healthy.
Secure attachment is when a person’s need for intimacy and security are met by trusting others. This is the healthy kind of attachment, because it is built on trust and being in the relationship because you feel good with the other person and want to make him/her feel good as well.
Avoidant attachment is when a person’s need for intimacy is met by avoiding and distancing themselves from those around them.
It involves what we say, “playing mind games”, and is mostly egoistical kind of attachment. The person feels good and powerful, when making him/her wanted by creating distance.
It is unhealthy because it does not build true connection. It may be creating passion and desire, but it lacks the element of trust and emotional intimacy.
Anxious attachment is the opposite, where a person’s need for safety and comfort is met by seeking out the people, they need to be close to.
This kind of attachment feeds on the attention from the other person rather than on the person itself. This creates a false sense of intimacy, because you are not attached to the person and their wants, needs, personality.
So, in the long term it is unhealthy and destined to fail, because the attention in term wanes, and, if you were together not because you like the person, but because you simply received attention, it will no longer interest you or the other person.
Surely, if you already are in a long-term relationship, you probably have the secure attachment, but if you are just starting out, think to yourself, what are the reasons that bring you together.
Not Asking for Support When You Need It
But a lot of women are so accustomed to being told what to do, that they don’t know how to ask for help, and they will try too somehow do it themselves. And then blame their partner for not helping. Bizarre, right? But it happens!
You might be surprised to learn that women who feel like they have no power in their relationship are less likely to seek support and more likely to leave when they need support the most.
In fact, a study showed that women who felt their partners were not interested in their needs were three times more likely to leave their relationships than women who felt their partners cared about their needs.
The researchers suggested that asking for support could be the most effective way for women to be heard and have their feelings validated.
So, when you need help, be sure to ask it. Just be sincere and ask directly (a reminder that the trash is still in the bin is not a direct ask).
You might be surprised how much your partner is willing to help, when asked nicely and without riddles to encode.
Comparing Your Relationship to Others
The more women compare themselves to others, the less happy they are. And this is especially common today, when we are bombarded with “perfect” lives we see on social media.
And comparing your relationship to others is one of the biggest reasons why women aren't happy in relationships.
You might be asking yourself "Why do women always do that?"
Here's a big reason why: Women are more emotional and tend to focus on visioning what their relationship looks like and could be and can miss things that are actually happening.
Many women compare their relationship to their counterparts on social media and to their friends. And while it is nothing bad to compare ourselves to others, but, and it goes bad, when we start seeing only the good things in other and bad things in our relationship.
Blindly comparing yourself to another, your self-esteem is negatively affected, and ir brings out the worst kind of emotions.
When comparing your relationship to others (which you will do), remember that every relationship is unique. Every relationship has its good things and bad things, we just try to show to others only the good parts.
So, after seeing another perfect post from the couple you know or follow, remember, there are a lot of other things going on behind the scenes, just like in your relationship.
In Conclusion
When you want to have a healthy relationship with a person, it’s important to communicate clearly and listen carefully to what they are saying.
Express your wants, and listen to, what your partner wants. Remember, that you both are in the same boat.
Also learn about the common mistakes – from your friends, or yes, from articles like this, so you can prevent making these kinds of mistakes in your relationship.
A successful relationship requires respect, understanding, communication, compromise, and mutual admiration.
Therefore, it’s so important to focus on the things that are truly important in a relationship—like the relationship itself. Remember you will make some mistakes; your partner will make some mistakes. If you do – address them, but in the long run focus on the good things.
As always, feel free to read other relationship tips and look around our store to find some thoughtful and sexy gifts for couples.
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