Intimacy In a Relationship: Why it is important and what to avoid

Many are talking about couple’s goals, and intimacy is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. It's about being close with each other, trust, sharing personal thoughts and feelings, and understanding what the other person needs. 

Intimacy includes physical closeness like sex- but that doesn't make it all there is to intimacy! This article will talk about all 3 types of intimacy - emotional, intellectual, and physical intimacy- as well as why they are so important in any kind of romantic relationship. 

Intimacy in a relationship is about being close to your partner, sharing personal thoughts and feelings, and understanding what they need. It's also about being physically close- but that's not all there is to it! Intimacy is important because it helps build a strong emotional connection with your partner. This connection is essential for having a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

Since intimacy is about being close with each other, it's important to understand what your partner desires and needs. This can be difficult if you're not open (intellectually) or affectionate (physically). 

Intellectual intimacy allows you to connect on a deeper level than just the physical aspects of a relationship- while still allowing both people in the relationship to have their own interests and hobbies!

Emotional closeness and intellectual understanding help create an intimate connection between two people who love each other which makes for a really strong foundation for any kind of romantic relationship.

So, read on to learn the types of intimacy; why it is important; and what to avoid when building intimacy with your loved one.

Intimacy In a Relationship: Why it is important and what to avoid



Types of intimacy

Intimacy is a broad term that has many forms and manifestations, but at its core it can be broken down into 3 different types:

  • Emotional intimacy, 
  • Physical intimacy, 
  • Intellectual intimacy

Now let's learn a bit more about each type.

Emotional Intimacy

The most important thing in any relationship is emotional intimacy. It's when you share your deepest thoughts and feelings with the person who has made it their mission to be there for every single one of those moments, no matter what they may bring or how difficult times get; this creates understanding between two people that can last through lifetimes together because both parties feel safe enough sharing everything important (including secrets).

When two people share their most inner secrets without fear of judgment it creates an environment where both partners understand what makes the other person tick – hopes, fears, dreams, goals, etc., so they they truly can be open and trust each other.

Physical Intimacy

This is probably the most commonly understood type of intimacy (and, actually, quite often mistaken as the only type of intimacy). But nonetheless, physical intimacy is also a very important aspect of relationships. 

It can be seen as one way that two people show their dedication and belongingness for each other. Yes, this includes sex, but it doesn't mean only that by itself; there are many ways to exhibit physicality in your relationship with your partner!

Thus, even something simple like hugs, holding hands, or giving them back rubs or massages shows how much you care about him/her while maintaining some level sexual tension between the pair, so they don’t get bored quickly- which in turn also let’s you increase the heat in your bedroom. ;)

After all, we can get truly physical only with the person whom we are not only passionate about, but also trust.

Intimacy in relationship

Intellectual Intimacy

Last but not least - Intellectual intimacy helps build a strong emotional connection with your partner by understanding each other. This also can be related to empathy. 

This connection is essential for having a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Without intellectual intimacy, you may not be able to connect on as deep of a level- which can make it more difficult to understand each other!

Emotional closeness and intellectual understanding help create an intimate connection between two people who love each other which makes for a really strong foundation for any kind of romantic relationship.

Intimacy is one of the key aspects of any marriage or relationship

When we are intimate with our partner, that means we trust him/her, so we share our most personal thoughts and feelings with them, and we are understanding them on a deeper level.

This allows us to form a stronger bond with each other, and it helps us to feel closer to them. Without being able to trust the person we love and want to be with, it creates a distance and in the long run will lead to many problems, so if you are feeling you have a difficult time being intimate with your partner – either it is physical or emotion, there might be an underlying problem, which should be addressed.

We have gathered 7 most common things that inhibits intimacy. So, read on to learn the things to look for, which might forbid you to be truly intimate with one another.

Relationship Goals

What to avoid, if you wish to build intimacy

Intimacy killers can be anything from big things to small things, but they all have the potential to damage a relationship. Here are 7 of the most common intimacy killers and how to avoid them:

1. Neglecting your partner

It means that you don’t pay any attention to your partner and that you think of them as annoyances. When we neglect our partner, they feel unimportant and unwanted, which can lead to conflict in the relationship.

If you want a healthy relationship with your lover, consider their needs regularly and make sure that they know how much they mean to you!

2. Resentment and bitterness

These two are some of the most common intimacy killers. No one is perfect and mistakes will be made in any relationship, which will cause at least some resentment, which is Ok. But if left unchecked, they have the potential to tear a relationship apart. By letting those negative feelings overcome you, you will open a door for many arguments, distance yourself from your partner, and become less happy.

However, there are ways to overcome these negative feelings – such as through meditation and mindfulness. By focusing on the present instead of dwelling on past events, we can work towards developing emotional intimacy with our partners once again.

Forgiving someone who has hurt us in the past is not an easy task, but it is definitely worth it for both parties involved! Let go of anger and resentfulness so that you can live without holding grudges against them and be happy in your current relationships. If you or your partner struggles with resentment or bitterness, consider seeking out professional help to overcome these negative feelings.

3. Infidelity 

When it comes to infidelity in a relationship, there are many different opinions on how to best move forward. Though it may be difficult, it is possible for both parties to rebuild trust and create a stronger emotional intimacy as a result. If you or your partner have been affected by infidelity, seek out professional help immediately – this is the first step in overcoming such a devastating experience. 

Other than just staying faithful, there is no “right” way to deal with infidelity but there are definitely wrong ways! Blaming yourself, being overly critical of yourself, and withdrawing from your partner are not healthy coping mechanisms and will only hinder your ability to heal and move on. Do not let your or your partners mistakes define you – instead, learn from them so that they don’t repeat themselves in the future!

4. Lying and deception

These can be some of the most damaging things to a relationship. When we are lied to, it shakes our trust in the relationship and can make us feel like we are not valued or important enough to be told the truth. It is very difficult to rebuild trust once it has been broken in this way and often requires a lot of time and effort from both parties involved.

If you have been hurt by your partner’s lies, take some time for yourself to reflect on what happened. Don’t rush into making any decisions about the future of your relationship – allow yourself the space needed to heal first. If you do decide to move forward, be sure that you set clear boundaries for future interactions – this way, you can prevent further lies and deception from happening.

Remember, lying is a choice; we all make mistakes but telling the truth will always be the right decision in the end. Honesty is key to maintaining healthy emotional intimacy with your partner!

5. Taking one another for granted

Feeling comfortable in your relationship is a good thing, but don’t let it evolve up to the point where you start to take your partner for granted. This can cause a lot of problems in a relationship. When you feel taken for granted in a relationship, it can be hard to cope with this feeling of being unvalued by your partner. It is very important that both of you communicate openly and honestly about your wants, needs, and expectations and we continue to appreciate one another.

If you have been affected by feelings of being taken for granted, or maybe you start feeling that you are the one, who takes your partner for granted - the first step towards resolving this issue is communication.

Speak up when things bother you rather than silently fuming about them – if they are significant issues, then bring them up as soon as possible! If certain aspects of your life together aren’t meeting your emotional needs, acknowledge these concerns without placing blame on yourself or your partner.

Remember, no one person is 100% responsible for a relationship’s success – this is something that both people need to work towards together.

6. Not communicating effectively 

A good communication is the basis of any relationship, so it is easy to say one of the main causes of intimacy issues in a relationship is a lack of effective communication. When we don’t communicate well with our partner, it can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Often, couples will resort to communicating indirectly instead of directly – this often leads to more problems down the road.


If you feel like your relationship could use some improvement in the communication department, start by trying to be more open and honest with each other. Be clear about what you expect from the conversation and try not to get defensive if your partner brings up something that you don’t want to talk about. If things get too heated, take a break and revisit the conversation when both parties have had a chance to cool down.

It is important not to forget that communication is a two-way street – it takes effort from both parties to make sure that lines of communication remain open and healthy!

7. Lack of trust

If you don’t trust your partner, it will be very difficult to maintain a healthy level of intimacy with them. Trust is essential in any relationship – without it, the foundation of the relationship will eventually crumble.


There are many ways to build trust in a relationship. Often, it takes time and effort from both people involved. If you feel like your trust has been violated by your partner, take some time for yourself to reflect on why this might be the case. 

Talk to your partner about your concerns and work together to rebuild the trust that has been lost. If you find that you can't seem to rebuild the trust in your relationship, it might be best to end things before they get too complicated.

Intimacy and Couples goals

Now that we’ve gone over some of the most common intimacy killers,

it’s important to remember that there is always hope for healing and resolution. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help if you feel like you can’t handle things on your own – there are plenty of resources available to you! Intimacy is an essential part of any relationship, so don’t give up on yours without a fight.

Can a relationship survive without intimacy and how to rebuild it?

A relationship can survive without intimacy, but it will not be a healthy one. Intimacy is essential in any relationship because it is what builds the foundation of the relationship. When there is a lack of intimacy, the relationship will eventually fall apart.

If you are experiencing problems with intimacy in your relationship, talk to your partner about how you're feeling and work together to find a resolution that works for both of you. Remember – healthy relationships require effort from both people involved! Counseling can be a great way to deal with intimacy issues if you feel like they are too difficult to handle on your own.

There are many different ways to build intimacy in a relationship. Often, it takes time and effort from both people involved. Take it slow and build intimacy from the ground up, for example trying to initiate conversations about your life, values, and beliefs.  Be sensitive to each other’s feelings and don’t push your partner into doing something they aren't comfortable with.

Couples goals

In conclusion

We hope this article helped to better understand what it means to be intimate with someone and how important is in a healthy relationship. It's about being close, sharing personal thoughts and feelings, understanding the other person's needs- not just sexual intimacy.

When we're physically intimate with our partner, that doesn't mean there is no emotional or intellectual intimacy between us! The 7 common relationship killers are worth thinking about if your relationship suffers from any of these problems.

If you want help strengthening or even rebuilding your relationship into one that thrives on all three types of intimacy (physical, emotional, and intellectual) we would suggest reading our other relationship articles to gain more insight how you can make your relationship work.

Or, you can have a look at some of our Relationship Games and Conversation Games, that are built for the purpose of improving relationships by building intimacy!

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