Relationship Tips · Jan 14, 2022

Intimacy In a Relationship: Why It Is Important And What To Avoid

Updated: July 10th, 2024

Ready to take your relationship to the next level? Discover the secret ingredient that makes "couple goals" a reality: intimacy.

Intimacy is the magic glue that holds relationships together. It's not just about physical closeness like sex; it's about connecting deeply on emotional and intellectual levels, too. By understanding and nurturing all three types of intimacy—emotional, intellectual, and physical—you can build a stronger, healthier, and more fulfilling relationship.

In this blog post, we'll delve into why intimacy is crucial for any romantic relationship, explore the different types of intimacy, and provide practical tips to help you and your partner grow closer than ever. Whether you want to rekindle the spark or strengthen a strong bond, keep reading to uncover the keys to lasting love and connection.

So, read on to learn the types of intimacy; why it is important; and what to avoid when building intimacy with your loved one.

Intimacy In a Relationship: Why it is important and what to avoid

Types of Intimacy

Intimacy can be categorized into three main types: emotional, physical, and intellectual. Each type plays a vital role in building a strong and fulfilling relationship.

Emotional Intimacy: Emotional intimacy involves sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings with your partner, creating an environment of trust and understanding. It's about feeling safe to express yourself without fear of judgment.
Physical Intimacy: Physical intimacy goes beyond sexual activities; it includes gestures like hugging, holding hands, and giving massages. These actions show care and maintain sexual tension, which can enhance the overall connection.
Intellectual Intimacy: Intellectual intimacy allows partners to connect on a deeper level through shared interests and meaningful conversations. This type of intimacy fosters mutual respect and understanding, which are essential for a lasting relationship.

The Importance of Intimacy

Intimacy is crucial because it helps build a strong emotional connection, the foundation of any healthy and fulfilling relationship. According to Dr. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist and leading innovator in couple therapy, "Emotional responsiveness is the key to lasting love."1 When partners are emotionally intimate, they feel more secure and valued, fostering trust and mutual respect.

This profound connection allows partners to better understand and support each other, leading to a more harmonious and satisfying partnership. As a biological anthropologist, Dr. Helen Fisher, notes, "Intimacy creates a safe space for partners to express their deepest fears and desires, strengthening their bond and promoting long-term happiness."2

Ultimately, cultivating intimacy in all its forms—emotional, intellectual, and physical—enriches the relationship, making it resilient against life's challenges and enhancing both partners' overall quality of life.

What to Avoid: Maintaining Intimacy Requires Effort

Maintaining intimacy in a relationship requires continuous effort and an awareness of potential pitfalls that can hinder your connection. Here are seven common intimacy killers and strategies to avoid them:

Neglecting Your Partner

Neglect can make your partner feel unimportant and undervalued. Regularly consider their needs and show appreciation. Dr. Laura Berman, a renowned relationship therapist, advises, "Consistent small gestures of love and attention can go a long way in maintaining intimacy."3

This means actively listening, spending quality time together, and acknowledging their efforts.

Resentment and Bitterness

Unresolved negative feelings can erode intimacy and create emotional distance. Practice forgiveness and focus on the present. Forgiveness is not about forgetting the hurt but about letting go of the resentment and finding a path to move forward.

Engage in open dialogues to address issues as they arise and seek to understand each other's perspectives.

Infidelity

Infidelity can shatter trust and severely damage intimacy. Rebuilding trust requires professional help and a commitment from both partners. Dr. Shirley Glass, a psychologist and expert on infidelity, notes, "Recovery from infidelity is possible, but it requires transparency, communication, and a willingness to rebuild the relationship from both partners."4

Therapy can provide a structured environment to address underlying issues and rebuild emotional intimacy.

Lying and Deception

Honesty is crucial in maintaining trust and intimacy. Once trust is broken, it takes significant effort to restore it. Dr. Brad Blanton, an expert in honesty and relationships, emphasizes, "Lies erode the foundation of a relationship. Honest communication, even when difficult, fosters deeper intimacy and trust."5

Prioritize openness and honesty to avoid misunderstandings and build a stronger connection.

Taking One Another for Granted

Feeling appreciated is fundamental to maintaining a healthy relationship. Ensure you continue to enjoy each other and communicate openly about your needs.

Simple gratitude and verbal affirmations can reinforce your bond and keep the relationship vibrant.

Not Communicating Effectively

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any relationship. Be open and honest to avoid misunderstandings and foster a deeper connection. Emotional responsiveness and clear communication are vital for maintaining intimacy.

Make time for meaningful conversations, listen actively, and constructively express your feelings and concerns.

Lack of Trust

Trust is essential for intimacy. If it has been compromised, work together to rebuild it. Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor and author, states, "Trust is built in small moments of connection and reliability."6

Establish and maintain trust through consistent actions, transparency, and mutual respect. Address breaches of trust promptly and work on healing together.

Strategies for Building and Maintaining Intimacy

Regular Quality Time: Spending quality time together is crucial for nurturing intimacy. Whether it’s a date night, a weekend getaway, or simply enjoying a quiet evening at home, these moments help strengthen your bond and create lasting memories.

Open and Honest Communication: Clear and honest communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. It's important to regularly share your thoughts and feelings with your partner, listen actively, and most importantly, address any issues promptly. This proactive approach helps to avoid misunderstandings and build trust, putting you in control of your relationship.

Physical Affection: Physical touch is a powerful way to maintain intimacy. Simple gestures like holding hands, hugging, or giving each other massages can reinforce your connection and show your partner that you care.

Shared Activities and Hobbies: Engaging in activities that both partners enjoy can deepen your connection. Whether it’s cooking together, hiking, or playing a sport, shared experiences foster closeness and create opportunities for meaningful interaction.

Emotional Support: It is essential to be there for each other during tough times. Offer a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, or words of encouragement. Emotional support strengthens your bond and shows your partner they can rely on you.

Intimacy and Couples goals

Can a Relationship Survive Without Intimacy And How to Rebuild it?

A relationship can survive without intimacy, but it will not be a healthy one. Intimacy is essential in any relationship because it is what builds the foundation of the relationship. When there is a lack of intimacy, the relationship will eventually fall apart.

If you are experiencing problems with intimacy in your relationship, talk to your partner about how you're feeling and work together to find a resolution that works for both of you.

Remember – healthy relationships require effort from both people involved! Counseling can be a great way to deal with intimacy issues if you feel like they are too difficult to handle on your own.

There are many different ways to build intimacy in a relationship. Often, it takes time and effort from both people involved. Take it slow and build intimacy from the ground up, for example trying to initiate conversations about your life, values, and beliefs. Be sensitive to each other’s feelings and don’t push your partner into doing something they aren't comfortable with.

Conclusion

We hope this article helped to better understand what it means to be intimate with someone and how important is in a healthy relationship. It's about being close, sharing personal thoughts and feelings, understanding the other person's needs- not just sexual intimacy.

When we're physically intimate with our partner, that doesn't mean there is no emotional or intellectual intimacy between us! The 7 common relationship killers are worth thinking about if your relationship suffers from any of these problems.

If you want help strengthening or even rebuilding your relationship into one that thrives on all three types of intimacy (physical, emotional, and intellectual) we would suggest reading our other relationship articles to gain more insight how you can make your relationship work.

Or, you can have a look at some of our Relationship Games and Conversation Games, that are built for the purpose of improving relationships by building intimacy!

FAQ Section: Intimacy in Relationships

1. What are the main types of intimacy in a relationship?

Intimacy in relationships can be categorized into three main types: emotional, physical, and intellectual. Emotional intimacy involves sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings with your partner, creating a trust and understanding environment. Physical intimacy includes gestures like hugging, holding hands, and giving massages, not just sexual activities. Intellectual intimacy allows partners to connect deeper through shared interests and meaningful conversations, fostering mutual respect and understanding.

2. Why is intimacy important in a relationship?

Intimacy is crucial because it helps build a strong emotional connection, the foundation of any healthy and fulfilling relationship. Intimacy makes partners feel more secure and valued, fostering trust and mutual respect. This profound connection enables better understanding and support, creating a more harmonious and satisfying partnership.

3. What are some common intimacy killers, and how can they be avoided?

Common intimacy killers include neglecting your partner, resentment and bitterness, infidelity, lying and deception, taking one another for granted, not communicating effectively, and lack of trust. These can be avoided by regularly considering your partner's needs, practicing forgiveness, seeking professional help, prioritizing honesty, expressing appreciation, engaging in effective communication, and working together to rebuild trust when compromised.

4. How can couples build and maintain intimacy?

Couples can build and maintain intimacy by spending regular quality time together, fostering open and honest communication, maintaining physical affection, engaging in shared activities and hobbies, and providing emotional support. These strategies help strengthen the bond, create lasting memories, and ensure both partners feel connected and supported.

5. Can a relationship survive without intimacy, and how can it be rebuilt?

While a relationship can technically survive without intimacy, it will not be healthy or fulfilling. Intimacy is essential for building a strong foundation. If intimacy is lacking, it's important to talk to your partner about your feelings and work together to find a resolution. Counseling can be a valuable resource for dealing with intimacy issues. Rebuilding intimacy often requires time, effort, and a gradual approach, such as initiating conversations about life, values, and beliefs and being sensitive to each other's feelings.

Citations:

1. Dr. Sue Johnson, "Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love"

2. The science of love with Dr. Helen Fisher, https://bigthink.com/the-well/the-science-of-love/

3. Dr. Laura Berman, New Study: When Men Feel ‘Emasculated,’ They Pull Away From Their Partners, https://drlauraberman.com/new-study-when-men-feel-emasculated-they-pull-away-from-their-partners/

4. Dr. Shirley Glass, Podcast - https://freshairarchive.org/segments/psychotherapist-dr-shirley-glass#:~:text=

5. Brad Blanton, Ph.D, "Radical Honesty: How to Transform Your Life by Telling the Truth"

6. Dr. Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead