Relationship Tips · May 12, 2022

13 Habits that can Destroy Your Relationship (and how to fix them)

If we aren’t careful, we can hurt those we love by mistreating them. And when we mistreat our relationships or marriages, we risk losing ourselves.

When you think about your romantic life, are you happy with it? Do you worry about whether your partner is happy with you? Is your marriage on the rocks?

Do you know why sex is important for mental health? So, are you having enough sex, or too little? Is your relationship struggling with problems and causing you stress?

If so, it may be time to consider taking some steps toward making things work out. But first, it is best to know where the issues arise.

Here we have gathered 13 habits that might destroy your relationship, so you can try to fix or avoid them altogether.

*Tips are not sorted in any particular order.

Read time: approximately 14 minutes.

13 Habits that can Destroy Your Relationship (and how to fix them)

Sometimes even healthy and loving couples struggle with relationship problems. Sometimes it is from outside factors, but more often than not, it is because of your inner problems that can be resolved by communicating and focusing on each other.

Sometimes it's easy to think that you're only responsible for yourself, but you have to realize that your actions and decisions affect others too.

The most significant people in our lives are those we love, but many of us are not very good at showing our love for the people who are dear to us.

So, read on and find out 13 very common behaviors and habits that can cause your love life turn soar.

1. Not listening

The number one problem in any relationship is not listening (like, truly listening), and the real challenge is that you may never realize it. Most individuals have difficulty understanding what others are saying.

They’ll listen only to what they want to hear or to what they are prepared to do something about.

This is especially true if you are talking with someone who is angry, frustrated, or depressed.

So, we can suggest trying to more listen with the intent to learn more about the situation of your significant other, not because you just wish to respond.

If you feel like your relationship suffers from communication problems, you can read this article about how to become a better listener, or try playing the Life Conversations.

a couple arguing while woman not wanting to listen to the man

2. Letting anger control you

There are a lot of things that can ruin a marriage, and anger is definitely among the most powerful and common ones.

Anger is a dangerous feeling because, if you don't know how to control it, it can lead you to do and say things you truly regret. If left unchecked for a longer period of time, it can bottle up and even turn to violence.

If you're prone to angry outbursts, you should learn to handle it in a positive way, instead of letting it take over your feelings.

If you’re angry at your spouse, you can take two approaches:

Try to learn what’s driving the anger, and come up with solutions to fix it;
Find and reduce stress factors in your life;
Accept that your anger is natural and normal, but work on managing it;
If nothing else helps, suggest visiting a therapist.

angry couple arguing in from of a red background

3. Turning anger or resentment into revenge

We all are just humans, and sometimes mistakes are made that can lead to resentment, and anger, resentment, and revenge are all negative feelings that take time and energy to create.

To transform those feelings into something positive, you have to get to the root cause of the anger. The first thing to do is to examine your own behavior and attitudes.

When you find yourself that anger or resentment is closing in, try to figure out, why you feel like that? When you managed to find, what makes you angry or resentful, the next step is to think, if you can forgive?

If not, well, then there is your answer. It may not be the one you are looking for, but still a vital one.

If yes, then is there anything that you would fix, if you had the chance? By identifying these underlying thoughts, you can begin the process of getting back on track.

a resentful woman turned her back to a man trying to explain

4. Withholding sex in a relationship

For most couples, sex is an essential part of their love life, so if your sexual side suffers, so do your mental health, your happiness, and overall your relationship.

If you are withholding sex in your relationship, you may be experiencing physical or emotional withdrawal that is causing resentment, fear, and anxiety.

These feelings are creating distance between you and your spouse. When you withdraw emotionally from your husband or wife, you are withdrawing physically from him or her, and vice versa.

When your feelings are controlled by your thoughts and feelings, you are no longer aware of what is happening inside you. This control can be very destructive to a relationship.

What can you do? As it is for most problems, first talk it out and figure out what lies beneath. Maybe it is something as simple as having too much stress at work, but maybe you are losing interest in each other. Only you can know.

If the sex is becoming boring, you can try a sexy card game - they can provide not only great ideas but act as a reason to re-introduce some fun under the sheets.

a couple lying in bed with their heads turned away from each other

5. Holding grudges

You may be surprised to learn how much harm can be done to your marriage by holding grudges against your significant other.

We all know that holding grudges hurts our connection, but most individuals don't realize that the negative feelings we harbor for our partner can impact the quality of the marriage itself, and reach other family members, and friends as well.

Studies have shown that when people hold grudges they feel more angry and resentful not only to their significant others but to others as well.

Couples who blame and criticize each other tend to look more negatively on any bad events that happen to them leading to even more fighting and arguments.

We are sure that you could agree that it is not a great way to live your life. So, regardless of whose fault it was, it is a good idea to find a compromise and then let it go.

man and woman being angry sitting on a coach with their backs together

6. Judging your partner

The ugly truth is that we judge others all the time - some more, some less, but to some extent we all do it, but when it comes to our love lives the thing that kills loving connection is the constant judging of your spouse.

Therefore, as we are naturally inclined to judge, the way to unintentionally not damage our marriage is to judge in silence.

Don't judge your husband or wife unless you've judged the situation beforehand, and remember: You are the sole owner of your own feelings.

The same goes for your significant other: He or she is also the sole owner of his or her feelings. You can't control their feelings, but you can control your own.

You need to be aware that when you judge your other half, you're judging yourself.

The good news is that there are a few tricks that can help you if you often find yourself judging your significant other.

When you wish to say something that might be considered unpleasant, stop yourself, and rethink how that could make feel the other person. Maybe, that is something that doesn't need to be said at all.

Or, you can try rephrasing, for example, don't say "You did it again", but say "It makes me feel sad when you do that. Can we think of other alternatives?"

If you do this, you can stop condemning your other half and start working on solutions and compromises, so both of you are respected.

7. Talking behind your partner's back

One of the worst things couples can do is talk behind their significant other's back.

The thing about talking about others behind their backs is that it creates a ripple effect with many outcomes, which most are bad or worse.

Firstly, it definitely won't resolve the issues, or make your marriage better.

But what it will do, it will bring out your issues to the outside world. Other individuals might see that you're gossiping and they think, "Oh man, they both are crazy."

Your other half might become jealous, suspicious, or untrusting. Your friends might not want to spend time with you.

So, how do you make sure you don't talk about your family members behind their backs? It's actually very easy.

It's called being conscious of what you're saying. When with friends, make sure you're only focusing on the positive things.

If you find yourself talking negatively about someone, stop and try to switch the subject.

8. Being jealous

One thing many people don't realize about jealousy is that, just like many other feelings, jealousy is often completely irrational. Most of the time (not all, but most) it is something we make up, and then hold against our significant other.

Being constantly jealous, the only thing you'll accomplish is destroying your relationship. This happens because jealousy is driven by fear and insecurity, and over time it bottles up until it explodes.

Instead of being motivated to protect your partner and to be proud of him/her, you become driven by fear and hate toward them.

So, if you're ever jealous, take a step back and think to yourself - is there even a reason to be jealous. Try to substitute this feeling into being proud and excited that you are together with such an amazing person.

woman looking at phone while a man sleeps on her lap

9. Not talking about money

Financial health is a vital part of anyone's well-being, so when you are past the dating stage, talking about money is a must.

Not talking about such topics, will cause uncertainty and stress between you, in worst-case scenarios up to the point of breaking up.

By discussing financials - who pays for what, agreeing on bigger purchases, at least on very basic terms allocating the monthly budgets, and such topics, your connection will grow stronger, and you will be able to trust each other more.

10. Not having future plans

Whether you are still dating or in a long-term marriage talking about your future is a crucial part of your love life. As humans, we always need something to look forward to.

If you don't do that eventually you will grow apart, and look for someone else to build a future with.

But the good news is, that this is one of the simplest things to fix. Just sit down and talk about life in general, about the years to come, about your plans, about your love.

Do you want another child? Do you want to move to another place? When do you expect to get married (or maybe renew your vows)? Is there any trip you wish to go on together? And so on.

a couple arguing in front of a consultant

11. Taking the negative feelings out on your spouse

If you want to know how to get along with your husband or wife (or anyone for that matter), take a look at how you feel when you start to lose control of yourself.

Some couples have a habit of letting out their emotions to their significant other when they feel down or angry. They may blame their partner for situations that is by no means his/her fault.

This is a truly unhealthy habit because it creates an environment where the significant other feels constant fear, so they just try to do as less as possible, and avoid contact altogether (just to avoid conflict and fighting). It is not good for either of your mental health.

If one of you exhibits such behavior, the best route is to go to a couple's therapist.

12. Never forgiving

There is no limit to what we can forgive. The only limitation is our own willingness to forgive and forget.

Many couples have not forgiven a spouse or partner, and for years, even decades later continue to live in misery because they were unable to let go or to move forward.

They didn't forgive, and they didn't forget either. These people live with a perpetual weight on their shoulders, resenting and wondering if their spouse or partner will say something or do something to hurt them again.

They may spend time looking back over the past and blaming themselves for not being able to fix what went wrong.

So, learn to forgive, or if you cannot do that, then it is better to end things. In the short term, it may look like an awful thing to do, but in the long run, it will do more good.

13. Ignoring feelings

Feelings are what make us alive, but more often than not we fail to nurture them, or that our significant other has them too. When we ignore such an obvious fact, we tend to overlook or hurt each other's feelings.

It may sound crazy, but it happens - whether you are aware or not.

Your feelings are what cause you to react in ways that hurt your partner and those around you. You may think that if you don’t feel anything, you won’t be acting inappropriately.

That is a fallacy because your feelings are always there. If you want to evolve the way you behave, you need to look at your feelings, or at the very least be aware of them.

In other words, you need to make your feelings more positive. Here are some ideas that might help you get started.

1. Recognize your feelings

Your feelings are the fuel that drives your actions. If you don’t understand them, you can’t control them.

You have to be aware of what you are feeling before you can work on changing it. You also have to identify the sensations that drive your actions. This is why it is critical to recognize the situations that trigger your feelings

2. Change your thinking

Changing your thinking is the first step in changing your emotions and perspective. When you look at things differently, you change your feelings.

When you shift your feelings, you change your reactions.

You may have a habit of thinking that you are not important enough to be loved and valued by your partner.

3. Talk about each other's feelings

Everyone is different, so we cannot know the feelings others are experiencing, so the best thing we can do is to ask about them.

Try to ask "how does this make you feel"; "what made you feel sad"; "what can I do to make you feel better".

By better understanding each other's feelings and acknowledging ours, we can improve our connection and build a stronger, long-lasting bond as a couple.

man and woman looking outside window after moving in a house

In conclusion

If you really want to have a loving relationship with someone, you must show them that you care, by listening, being understanding, and giving them space to express themselves and be themselves.

But there are some things, some types of behaviors that can make your relationship go in the wrong direction.

Here we have gathered the 13 most common habits that can destroy it, so you can be aware of them, study them and fix or avoid them, and all in all improve your bond.

If you both want a healthy marriage, and you want to do things that make you joyful, then this will work. As they say, it takes two to tango.

As always, feel free to read other relationship tips and look around our store to find some thoughtful and sexy gifts for couples.