If we aren’t careful, we can hurt those we love by mistreating them. And when we mistreat our relationships or marriages, we risk losing ourselves.
*Tips are not sorted in any particular order.
Read time: approximately 14 minutes.
13 Habits that can Destroy Your Relationship (and how to fix them)
Sometimes even healthy and loving couples struggle with relationship problems. Sometimes it is from outside factors, but more often than not, it is because of your inner problems that can be resolved by communicating and focusing on each other.
Sometimes it's easy to think that you're only responsible for yourself, but you have to realize that your actions and decisions affect others too.
The most significant people in our lives are those we love, but many of us are not very good at showing our love for the people who are dear to us.
So, read on and find out 13 very common behaviors and habits that can cause your love life turn soar.
1. Not listening
2. Letting anger control you
- Try to learn what’s driving the anger, and come up with solutions to fix it;
- Find and reduce stress factors in your life;
- Accept that your anger is natural and normal, but work on managing it;
- If nothing else helps, suggest visiting a therapist.
3. Turning anger or resentment into revenge
4. Withholding sex in a relationship
5. Holding grudges
6. Judging your partner
7. Talking behind your partner's back
8. Being jealous
9. Not talking about money
10. Not having future plans
Whether you are still dating or in a long-term marriage talking about your future is a crucial part of your love life. As humans, we always need something to look forward to.
If you don't do that eventually you will grow apart, and look for someone else to build a future with.
But the good news is, that this is one of the simplest things to fix. Just sit down and talk about life in general, about the years to come, about your plans, about your love.
Do you want another child? Do you want to move to another place? When do you expect to get married (or maybe renew your vows)? Is there any trip you wish to go on together? And so on.
11. Taking the negative feelings out on your spouse
If you want to know how to get along with your husband or wife (or anyone for that matter), take a look at how you feel when you start to lose control of yourself.
Some couples have a habit of letting out their emotions to their significant other when they feel down or angry. They may blame their partner for situations that is by no means his/her fault.
This is a truly unhealthy habit because it creates an environment where the significant other feels constant fear, so they just try to do as less as possible, and avoid contact altogether (just to avoid conflict and fighting). It is not good for either of your mental health.
If one of you exhibits such behavior, the best route is to go to a couple's therapist.
12. Never forgiving
There is no limit to what we can forgive. The only limitation is our own willingness to forgive and forget.
Many couples have not forgiven a spouse or partner, and for years, even decades later continue to live in misery because they were unable to let go or to move forward.
They didn't forgive, and they didn't forget either. These people live with a perpetual weight on their shoulders, resenting and wondering if their spouse or partner will say something or do something to hurt them again.
They may spend time looking back over the past and blaming themselves for not being able to fix what went wrong.
So, learn to forgive, or if you cannot do that, then it is better to end things. In the short term, it may look like an awful thing to do, but in the long run, it will do more good.
13. Ignoring feelings
Feelings are what make us alive, but more often than not we fail to nurture them, or that our significant other has them too. When we ignore such an obvious fact, we tend to overlook or hurt each other's feelings.
It may sound crazy, but it happens - whether you are aware or not.
Your feelings are what cause you to react in ways that hurt your partner and those around you. You may think that if you don’t feel anything, you won’t be acting inappropriately.
That is a fallacy because your feelings are always there. If you want to evolve the way you behave, you need to look at your feelings, or at the very least be aware of them.
In other words, you need to make your feelings more positive. Here are some ideas that might help you get started.
1. Recognize your feelings
Your feelings are the fuel that drives your actions. If you don’t understand them, you can’t control them.
You have to be aware of what you are feeling before you can work on changing it. You also have to identify the sensations that drive your actions. This is why it is critical to recognize the situations that trigger your feelings
2. Change your thinking
Changing your thinking is the first step in changing your emotions and perspective. When you look at things differently, you change your feelings.
When you shift your feelings, you change your reactions.
You may have a habit of thinking that you are not important enough to be loved and valued by your partner.
3. Talk about each other's feelings
Everyone is different, so we cannot know the feelings others are experiencing, so the best thing we can do is to ask about them.
Try to ask "how does this make you feel"; "what made you feel sad"; "what can I do to make you feel better".
By better understanding each other's feelings and acknowledging ours, we can improve our connection and build a stronger, long-lasting bond as a couple.