Relationship Tips · Feb 16, 2022

Dominance in a Relationship: Do You Need to Be Equal?

Updated: July 4th, 2024

Love, care, and fun are the usual suspects when we think about relationships. But what about the elements that remain unspoken, simmering beneath the surface? One of these powerful yet often overlooked aspects is power-play and dominance.

Deep down we all know that also in our relationship there is the question about dominance, at least in our subconsciousness. And that is one of the reasons we should talk about it, because if we aren’t careful, we can get into trouble, especially in a long-term relationship.

You might believe you understand what it means to be the dominant partner, but dominance is a complex and multifaceted tool. Used wisely, it can foster mutual respect and a balanced partnership. Misused, it can become a dangerous force, leading to toxicity and unhappiness.

The goal of this blog post is to help you learn to recognize the signs of dominance, know if it works for you, and how to take action when it is hurting your relationship.

Read time: approximately 10 minutesminance in a Relationship: Do you needo be equal

What Kind of Dominance We are Talking About?

There are many forms of dominance, but in this article, we will be having a look at the emotional dominance. And, no, that is not aggression.

We want to be clear that we are not referring to relationships in which one person is stronger than the other, but rather when one person has a level of control over a situation in which they are the one who makes the decisions, and the other person is more passive.

Here we are talking about the kind of dominance, where one party takes the lead on many aspects of the relationship. And no, here we are not talking about controlling or aggressive relationships – those are harmful relationships and completely different topics.

Of course, dominant relationships also can be harmful, if they cross the line up to the point, where the submissive is not feeling happy, but the truth is every relationship is at the very least a bit dominant. There is almost no relationship where both partners are complete equals.

So, being in a dominant relationship is nether good, neither bad – it all depends, if you feel happy in this kind of union, and – is your partner happy. If yes – keep doing it.

Additionally, it's perfectly healthy to have a balanced dynamic where you may be dominant in one aspect of the relationship and submissive in another, ensuring a fair distribution of power between partners.

Understanding Power Dynamics in Your Relationship

In some relationships, it's very clear who is in charge and who isn't. But often, it's not so obvious. One partner might take on more control without even realizing it, which can lead to confusion and problems between the two of you.

A common mistake is thinking you're the one in control when you're actually not. This misunderstanding can cause frustration and dissatisfaction.

So, how can you get a clear picture of who holds the power in your relationship? Pay attention to how decisions are made and who controls important things like money or other resources. Usually, if one person makes all the key decisions and the other depends heavily on them, it's a sign of an imbalance of power.

Understanding that dominance is a different dynamic, not inherently harmful, can also help. Relationships inherently involve negotiations and, occasionally, conflicts—it's part of human nature. Recognizing and addressing the dynamics of dominance can lead to a more harmonious and balanced relationship.

What Are The Signs Of a Dominant Relationship?

A dominant relationship is one where you’re being pulled in a specific direction by your partner’s behaviors and expectations. It can be a good thing and a bad thing.

Do you think one of you takes the lead in most of your relationship?
Or do you take the lead on some things, but your partner on different ones?
Maybe, you can’t decide, which one should control the situation, so you argue about it?
Or maybe neither one of you are taking the lead, because you do almost everything separately?

Of course, this is way of a generalization and don’t take this as a fact, but, if you answered “Yes” to:

Number one: you could be in a dominant relationship
Number two: an equal relationship
Number three or four: at a power struggle, where the both of you wishes to be dominant, or neither of you wishes to be dominant

If you feel like you’re at the receiving end, and you like to follow your partner’s lead, and you are happy – good. If you feel like you are the dominant one – see how your partner reacts, when you take the lead. Is he/she happy or resistant?

The Benefits and Disadvantages Of Being Dominant

Every person is different and has its own unique set of needs, wants, desires and viewpoints. Some may be generally more dominant, while others like to take the backseat.

So, you’re going to want to consider the benefits and drawbacks of being the dominant person or being with a dominant in a relationship.

When it comes to relationships, there are advantages and disadvantages to being the dominant one depending what kind of person you are.

Dominant is defined as someone who is in control, in charge, and in charge of decision-making. This can be a positive attribute, but it is not always a great thing.

Of course, it all depends on what kind of person you are, and maybe for you there are only disadvantages or advantages, but if we are talking about dominant relationships that are healthy, there are some pros and cons.

Advantages:

Can let your partner take the lead
Don’t have to take many decisions or risks
Usually a simpler, more comfortable rhythm of life
You can rely to the dominant to fix things

Disadvantages:

Usually do not get to choose the big things
More of less the relationship flows in the direction as the dominant partner wants
If not contained, can easily slip into the realm of a controlling relationship, which is not healthy

Is a Dominant Relationship For Me?

Ask yourself why you want a Dom/Sub relationship. Will it truly make you happy, and can you commit to it long-term? Some seek these relationships to fill a gap, feel connected, or heal from past abuse, but commitment is key.

Many women in these dynamics struggle with time and energy due to responsibilities, and men often try to change unwilling partners. Reflect on your desires: Do you want to be dominant, submissive, or have an equal power balance? Does your current relationship match this vision?

If yes, great! If not, consider making changes to align better with your desires.

How to Be Dominant in a Relationship

Communicate Openly: Discuss desires and boundaries with your partner.
Establish Trust: Build a safe and secure environment.
Set Clear Boundaries: Agree on acceptable behaviors.
Be Consistent: Maintain consistent behavior and expectations.
Respect Your Partner: Always value their feelings and opinions.
Learn and Adapt: Continuously learn and adjust to suit both partners' needs.

Following these steps can help create a healthy and fulfilling dominant-submissive dynamic.

Do You and Your Partner Need to Be Equal?

Many couples argue over who is more important, who does more, who will decide things etc., and the truth is there is no such thing as a completely equal relationship. There can be balanced relationship, but you will not be complete equals.

So, no you don’t have to be equals, but you need to have the right balance that works for you. If being dominant and submissive makes you both happy – amazing, keep doing it. Make each other happy!

Therefore the real question is – do you like your power balance in your relationship, and do you know that your partner is happy as well.

Just remember that relationship is a dynamic union, where many things change, including the power balance. If you are now the dominant, there is nothing saying you will be in say, 5 years.

What we are saying by this – don’t be in a relationship just for the sole cause to be equal, dominant or submissive. Be in a relationship because it makes the both of you happy and you see future together.

How to Make Your Relationship More Balanced

Now, if you think your relationship has the right balance, just skip this point, but if you ever feel like the relationship you’re in lacks balance, keep reading.

Maybe you’re the kind of person who needs space, and you don’t want to put yourself in situations where you feel suffocated.

Or perhaps you’ve found yourself with the opposite problem: You’re constantly trying to get your partner to compromise when he or she would much rather maintain their independence. This can lead to tension and frustration—and even hurt feelings.

The trick is figuring out what balance you need, and then working toward it.

The first step to making a relationship work is understanding what kind of a person you want to be in a relationship with. Then, work towards the resolution.

Of course, if the problem is bigger and needs to be addressed in a more professional matter, you can consider going to therapy, but more times that not, you can take small steps.

When you find out, what kind of problem needs fixing, take small steps – talk about it with your partner, make small changes in your behavior. Maybe, you wish to become less dominant – then everyday ask your partner, what he/she wishes to do today.

In Conclusion

In a healthy relationship, you don’t have to be equal, but there needs to be some sort of mutual balance.

While being equal in a relationship is not always ideal, it is not necessary for the relationship to be successful however, power struggle can lead to many problems in a relationship.

Some couples are very happy, when one of them is the dominant, but the trick there is that they have distributed this power willingly, so there is no struggle between them.

But if you are in a constant disbalance and it does not make you happy, it might be time for some changes. It might be time to consider changing the dynamic.

Although dominant relationship can be good and healthy, just be careful because it can slip into the zone of being controlling.

As always, feel free to read other relationship tips and look around our store to find some thoughtful and sexy gifts for couples.

stylized photo of joyful couple's naughty conversations and life conversations games for couples

The Conversation Games

We would love to hear from you!

Is your relationship balanced when it comes to power? Or you think you should work on it? Maybe, we missed an important thing about dominance in relationships?

Leave your thoughts in the comment section below!

FAQ Section:

What are the signs of a dominant relationship?

Signs of a dominant relationship include one partner consistently taking the lead on decision-making without much input from the other, controlling resources or finances, and setting most rules and expectations within the relationship. It's important to note whether this dominance feels consensual and comfortable to both partners, as that differentiates healthy dominance from potentially harmful control.

Is it healthy to have dominance in a relationship?

Dominance in a relationship can be healthy if it's based on mutual consent and respect. It becomes unhealthy if one partner feels oppressed, unheard, or unhappy. Healthy dominance involves clear communication and boundaries, where both partners feel their needs and desires are respected.

How can I make my relationship more balanced?

To create a more balanced relationship, start by openly discussing your feelings and concerns with your partner. Express your need for more equality in decision-making or other areas where you feel the balance is off. Consider establishing routines that allow both partners to contribute their opinions and preferences. Regular check-ins to reassess how the adjustments work can also help maintain balance.

What should I do if I'm unhappy with the dominance dynamics in my relationship?

If you're unhappy with the dominance dynamics, it's crucial to communicate your feelings clearly and respectfully to your partner. Discuss specific instances that made you feel uncomfortable and suggest ways to modify these dynamics. Suppose you need help finding a resolution that satisfies both. In that case, seeking help from a relationship counselor might facilitate more profound understanding and change.