20 Questions You Should Never Ask In A Relationship

Updated: 11 April, 2024

Have you ever thought of words as little ticking time bombs? With one wrong phrase, you could send your relationship or marriage to a battlefield.

Dodging questions and ducking under accusations can get messy, and, honestly, it's downright exhausting. But what if you knew exactly which words to avoid? How much more straightforward and sweeter could your relationship be?

Welcome to your go-to guide for maintaining peace and promoting love in your relationship!

P.s. If you wish to improve your communication game with your partner, we recommend checking out our conversation games for couples.

Test your communication skills - Take the Quiz!

20 Worst Questions to Ask Your Partner

1. "Am I Better Than Your Ex?"

When you ask your partner to compare you to their ex, it shifts focus from the present to the past. It's not competition; your relationship is a unique entity shaped by two individuals' love, understanding, and commitment. No matter how innocently intended, such comparisons can spawn insecurities, create discord, and ultimately harm the bond you've carefully nurtured. Instead, concentrate on enhancing your connection, as that's the love story that truly matters.

2. "Do You Think I am Ugly?"

Firstly - if your partner loves you, they find you attractive. And by asking this kind of question you are devaluing your self worth while putting your partner on the spot to either agree or defend you - which is not sexy at all.

Attractiveness extends far beyond the physical realm. It is a blend of emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connections that weave together the beautiful fabric of your relationship.

Continually questioning your partner about your physical attractiveness can strain the relationship, planting seeds of doubt and fostering unnecessary tension. Instead of seeking constant reassurance, focus on cultivating self-love and confidence. Remember, beauty is subjective and ever-changing, and your partner loves you for who you are.

3. "Why Don't You Ever…?"

This question often triggers defensiveness and escalates conflicts rather than resolving them. Ideally, the focus should not be on what your partner isn't doing but on promoting open and non-confrontational conversations about each other's needs and expectations.

If you want to discuss unmet expectations or desires, phrase your feelings in a non-accusatory way. The 'I feel…when you…' structure works wonders.

4. "Where Do You See Us In Five Years?"

While this can be a good question to ask to your partner, but if asked with the wrong intentions, it can have a damaging effect.

Dreaming about the future together is romantic and essential in a committed relationship. However, applying pressure for detailed timelines and plans can induce stress and anxiety.

Understand that human lives are not scripted and that it's natural for aspirations to evolve over time. Instead of insisting on a rigid future outline, discuss your individual dreams and discover ways to grow together in an organic, less pressurized manner.

5. "Why Can't You Be More Like…?"

This is a classic and popular wrong question to ask your partner. This question in its essence implies that there is something wrong with your partner. And the truth is - no one is perfect, so there always will be things that someone else does better. But is it good to remind of these things? Or is it better to look for the good parts in your partner?

When you compare your partner with someone else, you subtly devalue their unique traits. This can foster feelings of inadequacy and resentment. Each individual has strengths and weaknesses, and accepting and cherishing your partner for their authentic self is essential. Instead of comparing them to others, celebrate their unique qualities and quirks that make them special to you.

6. "Do You Love Me More Than [another person]...?"

While this question might seem romantic, it is actually harmful. Love is a multifaceted, complex emotion experienced differently by each person and relationship. It's not quantifiable or measurable on a scale.

Expecting your partner to weigh their love for you against others is unfair and unrealistic. Understand that their affection for you is unique and can't be compared to other relationships they maintain.

7."Why Can't You Just Read My Mind?"

This is a classic and common mistake mostly women make. While being understood is comforting, expecting your partner to be a psychic can lead to unmet expectations and misunderstandings.

Healthy and open communication is the backbone of a strong relationship. Be honest about your thoughts and feelings, and encourage your partner to do the same.

8. "Don't You Think We Should Be Like…?"

Idealizing other relationships and aspiring to mirror their dynamics in your own can be a recipe for discontent. Remember, no relationship is perfect; what works for one couple may not work for you.

You and your partner are unique individuals with unique dynamics. Instead of comparing, focus on building your relationship based on mutual understanding, respect, and love.

9. "Why Are You Always…?"

Oh, the classic 'always' and 'never.' Launching these words like missiles in our arguments can leave a trail of resentment and misunderstandings in their wake. They're the heavyweight champions of the boxing ring that is relationship struggles, but they're not playing fair.

When you're upset about something specific your partner does, addressing that behavior rather than bundling it up into a sweeping generalization is essential. Tackling it head-on may seem like walking into the lion's den, but it's the path to clarity and understanding.

Instead of saying, "Why are you always late?" you might say, "I felt worried when you didn't show up when you said you would. Can we discuss this?" It reframes the problem from an attack to an open communication opportunity.

10. "Do You Regret Being With Me?"

Questions like this stem from insecurity and can infuse your relationship with negativity and doubt. Trust and belief in each other form the foundation of a lasting bond.

If feelings of insecurity arise, address them in a constructive and honest conversation rather than doubting your partner's commitment to you.

11. "Why Can't You Be More Spontaneous?"

It's important to respect each other's comfort levels. Some people are naturally more spontaneous than others.

If you'd like spontaneity, suggest activities you might enjoy, but respect your partner's boundaries. Never force them into situations where they feel uncomfortable.

12. "Why Didn't You Like My Post?"

In the digital age, it's easy to let the virtual world blur the lines of reality. If your partner didn't like your latest post, it doesn't mean they've stopped liking you. Remember, your relationship's worth isn't defined by likes, comments, or shares.

It's about genuine interactions, shared experiences, and mutual respect that exists outside the realm of social media. Focusing on cultivating real moments together is better than counting virtual affirmations.

13. "If You Really Loved Me, Wouldn't You…?"

Questions like this can feel as manipulative as a puppeteer pulling strings, leading your partner to feel cornered and your relationship to feel conditional. Love isn't about passing tests or meeting specific criteria. It's about cherishing each other as you are.

Express your needs and desires openly, but remember that the depth of your partner's love isn't measured by their willingness to jump through hoops for you.

14. "Why Are You Friends With Them?"

Of course, sometimes there are times that your partner might be friends with some people that are not good for them (emphasis on bad for "them", not "you"), but for the vast majority of time, being friends with someone that you might not fancy - is not a bad thing.

Respecting your partner's choices and independence, including friendships, is crucial. Trust their judgment unless there's a concrete reason for concern. Encroaching their personal life may result in resentment and could harm your relationship.

15. "Why Don't We Have What They Have?"

Remember when you were a kid, and you wanted that shiny new toy just because your friend had one? Turns out, adults are similar. But comparing your relationship to someone else's is like comparing apples and oranges—it doesn't work. Each relationship has its rhythm and flavor.

Don't let the illusion of 'perfect relationships' lead you down the path of discontentment. Instead, water your grass, cultivate your unique bond, and watch your relationship bloom according to your love story, not someone else's highlight reel.

16. "Why Don't You Understand Me Like They Do?"

In the grand theater of relationships, expecting your partner to play every character flawlessly is like expecting a cat to bark—it's not their gig. Your friends may understand your obsession with collecting rare cactus species. Your family may grasp your need for Sunday solitude.

Still, your partner brings another understanding to your life: they cherish you in your entirety, cacti and all. Don't expect your partner to understand you like others; instead, celebrate the unique perspectives they bring to your relationship.

17. "Why Aren't We Married Yet?"

Remember the age-old saying, "Rome wasn't built in a day"? Well, neither is a committed relationship. It's a continuous journey of love, understanding, and shared experiences, not a sprint toward the altar.

Pressuring your partner for marriage can feel like being stuck behind a slow driver in a no-overtaking zone: stressful and slightly suffocating. Instead, enjoy the scenic route of your relationship. Discuss your future, but respect each other's readiness for this significant step.

18. "Why Can't You Change This About Yourself?"

Asking your partner to change a fundamental part of themselves is like asking a leopard to change its spots—it's simply impossible and rude to the leopard.

Accepting your partner as they are is essential, complete with their idiosyncrasies and quirks. Yes, constructive change is good, but it shouldn't come at the cost of losing one's identity. Instead of trying to sculpt them into your version of perfection, appreciate them in their unique, unedited glory.

19. "Why Don't You Make More Money?"

Focusing heavily on your partner's financial status can lead to a detour down Shaky Relationship Lane. Money, while necessary, should never be the scale on which you measure your partner's worth.

It's like comparing apples to bitcoin—not sensible and can lead to discontent and tension. Instead, foster a relationship built on respect, love, and shared values.

When it comes to finances, maintain open communication about money goals and expectations without letting monetary worth overshadow personal worth.

20. "Why Can't We Have A Relationship Like In The Movies?"

Hate to break it to you, but Jack could have fit on that door with Rose. Movies often romanticize relationships, and it's easy to get swept up in the whirlwind of passionate declarations, perfect kisses in the rain, and unrealistically clean apartments.

However, real-life relationships involve less dramatic music and more laundry debates. Don't compare your relationship to the silver screen's glitz and glamor; instead, strive for a love story that's uniquely your own, filled with genuine emotions, shared laughter, and the occasional argument about who forgot to buy milk.

 

Conclusion

And there you have it - your roadmap to a smoother, happier, and more understanding relationship! It's not always about having the correct answers but knowing the right questions to ask... or, rather, the ones to avoid.

As we say - every question is a doorway to a conversation, and every conversation can either build bridges or walls in your relationship. The choice is yours. As we part ways, I hope you're armed with the knowledge to steer clear of unnecessary relationship struggles and confidently navigate through love's labyrinth.

Keep embracing open communication, dodging these dangerous relationship questions, and reinforcing your bond.

As always, feel free to read other relationship tips and look around our store to find some thoughtful and sexy gifts for couples.

 

FAQ Section

1. How can asking about comparisons with an ex-partner affect a relationship?

Asking your partner to compare you with their ex can negatively impact your relationship by breeding insecurities and focusing on the past rather than nurturing your current connection. It is essential to concentrate on strengthening your unique bond and understanding that every relationship is different, with its own set of values and dynamics.

2. Why is it important to avoid questioning a partner's attraction or love frequently?

Questioning your partner's attraction or love can strain the relationship by creating doubt and insecurity. Building self-confidence and seeking open, honest communication are crucial instead of constant reassurance. Trust and mutual respect are key components of a healthy relationship, and they flourish in an environment of confidence and security.

3. What's the impact of using absolutes like "always" or "never" in conversations with a partner?

Absolutes such as "always" or "never" can escalate conflicts and make your partner defensive. These terms generalize specific incidents, which can obscure the real issue. To promote constructive dialogue, focus on specific behaviors or situations and express how they make you feel, which can lead to more understanding and practical solutions.

4. How should financial matters be approached in a relationship to avoid conflict?

Approaching financial matters in a relationship requires open, non-judgmental communication and mutual respect for each other's economic perspectives and goals. Instead of focusing on one partner's income, work together to discuss financial goals, budgeting, and expectations. Recognize that a partner's worth isn't measured by their earning capacity, and strive to build a partnership based on shared values and financial teamwork.

 

 

Related articles

 - Is It Common For Couples To Misunderstand Each Other In Arguments?

- How Deep Conversations Can Improve Relationships for Couples

- The Life Conversations: A Question Game for Couples