The “Don’ts” of a Sensual and Sexy Couples’ Massage

Updated: 9 April, 2024

A sensual massage can add a lot to your relationship, from the physical touch to the emotional connection. Still, it also has the potential to turn sour very quickly.

Whether you're new to the practice of sensual massage or a long-time practitioner, it's easy to get bogged down by some of the "don'ts" of seductive and sexy massage.

No need to worry. Before you start, take a moment to review these essential tips on what to avoid during a sensual and sexy massage. Following these guidelines will help ensure both you and your partner enjoy a deeply satisfying experience.

If you're a sensual massage enthusiast, here are some of the most common mistakes that may be holding you back from experiencing the ultimate pleasure.

After learning what not to do while giving a sensual massage, find out the 7 steps for a successful sensual massage, so you can gift your partner the massage he or she has been begging for. You're going to look sexy as hell while doing it.

So, let's discover the most common mistakes you should avoid when giving a sensual massage.

Read time: approximately 12 minutes.

The “Don’ts” of a Sensual and Sexy Couples’ Massage 


Don’t Underestimate the Ambiance

It's more than just a matter of the proper techniques and tools. The environment in which the massage occurs plays an essential role in its effectiveness.

Ambiance and mood are essential factors in any erotic massage experience, particularly with the sensual aspect of the massage being emphasized. This can help keep the focus on the massage and away from extraneous details.

If it helps, wear a robe or something light, like lingerie, to make it easier for the other person to be more comfortable and relaxed. And, of course, knowing that your partner is next to you wearing almost nothing can only increase the experience.

Although a lovely, pleasant aroma adds to the mood, don't use strong scents in the room; most people aren't comfortable smelling anything, especially if it's not a natural scent.

So, be prepared—set some music, dim the lights, and think about the aroma. Use a scented candle, incense, or aromatic massage oil, like our Massage Oil "Affection" with a lightly sweet tropical scent.

Don’t be Unprepared

Sensual massage is a relaxing and intimate experience where the flow of the massage is significant, so being prepared is a must.

Maybe your partner is allergic to some ingredients? What kind of massage are you planning to do? Do you plan to do only the massage, or will it be followed by a happy ending?

You'll need to know what types of massage oils and scents your partner prefers and a few tricks to make your massage even more sensual. For example, if you're giving a back rub, don't put too much pressure on the muscles in the area; try massaging the areas around the spine instead. Also, prepare the room, get the massage oil, some sheets, pillows, towels, and all you need.

Knowing and preparing for these things beforehand will allow you to avoid many awkward moments and will allow for a relaxing and intimate massage.
What not to do sensual massage

Don’t Ignore Your Partner's Needs

You know your significant other best, but sometimes more is needed, and this is a common mistake not only in giving a sensual massage but in life in general. Quite often, we assume what our partner wants, and sometimes we think correctly, but other times, it is a complete miss that ruins the whole evening.

Does he or she like light touches, or does he or she prefer a massage with solid movements? Are there body parts he or she does not want touched, and which parts need the most attention?

Learn these things by asking straight or starting slow and then listening to their body language. By knowing what your partner needs the most, instead of thinking about what you could do wrong, you can concentrate on letting your hands show your love by massaging those beautiful muscles and their skin.

Let your fingers know how much you love and appreciate your partner, sensually and lovingly.


Don’t Use Body Lotions

A body lotion can be a great addition to a spa, but if you're doing a sensual massage, don't use it.

Why avoid them? Simply put, they're not made for massages. While body lotions and their oils might seem suitable initially, they're actually sticky and can adhere to the skin, as well as to sheets, blankets, and the massage table, creating a mess.

Once it's all over the room, you'll find yourself having to clean it off, which disrupts the flow of the massage and distracts the recipient from their experience. So, use massage oil instead.

Don’t Make Your Partner Feel Like You’re in The Middle of a Mission

A sensual massage is a symphony of touch, not a race to completion. It's a leisurely journey over the landscape of your partner's body, where each stroke and caress is an exploration, not a step in a regimen. As you embark on this tactile voyage, let the goal be to discover the map of your partner's pleasure, taking cues from the sighs and softening of muscles under your touch.

The massage should unfold organically, giving and accepting where pressure and pace naturally flow. There's no checklist or timeline to follow—only the shared pulse of two people in sync. Allow the space for pauses, breaths that deepen, and eyes that lock, affirming the connection that transcends the physical. Your hands, guided by empathy and attunement, are instruments of affection, not tools on a mission.

By savoring each moment and responding to the silent language of your partner's body, the massage becomes a dialogue of comfort and desire, a mutual surrender to the experience that strengthens your bond without a word being spoken.

Don’t Squirt Massage Oil Onto Your Partner’s Body

We already know that massage oil is a must in a sensual massage, but you still could misuse it—there is a thing like too much oil. You need to apply massage oil gently and with sensuous strokes. You don't want to squirt it all over the place. It will make everything drip all over the place and make things messy.

Your job is to create an environment where your partner can relax and enjoy the process. So, use the massage oil as needed. Pour enough oil on your hands so they are covered in oil, but not so much that it drips off. Take some more oil when the oil wears off and the movements are not slippery enough. Your hands must be gentle and soft, and your movements should be slow and seductive.

A great way to use the right amount of oil without getting messy is to have a massage oil equipped with a lotion pump, just like the Massage Oil "Affection" is fitted.

Why you should argue as a couple

Don’t Treat Your Partner Like a Piece of Meat

There is no better way to show someone how much you love them than by caressing their body. Whether it's kissing a loved one, having your partner massage you, or having him or her gently stroke your body, all these actions convey the type of love you wish to share with them.

Erotic massage is a beautiful way to bring your partner closer to you. But don't take advantage of that closeness by being overly sexually explicit or demanding (if you are at the receiving end). Instead, focus on bringing out your partner's personality playfully. Be creative.

When giving the massage, aim to delight your partner by focusing on their favorite spots. If you're on the receiving end, share your preferences, but ultimately allow your partner to lead the experience. This approach is an excellent way to demonstrate your appreciation for their efforts to please you.

Don’t Forget About The Sensitive Parts

We all love to be touched and kissed in the most sensual and intimate ways. Still, massages are a completely different type of intimacy than kissing. Massage is an incredibly powerful form of intimacy because it puts your whole body into play and helps you relax.

To enhance your partner's massage experience and keep their body feeling fantastic, pay special attention to the areas that are particularly receptive to touch. Focusing on the "sensitive" zones like the head, neck, back, stomach, and inner thighs can significantly elevate the sensation and relaxation they feel. This tailored approach not only soothes but also deeply connects you with your partner's physical and emotional well-being.

To ensure your partner feels good, massage these areas. You can use your fingertips, a feather-weight brush, or even your mouth to create an orgasmic sensation. But remember that most massage oils do not act as lubricants and can irritate the most sensitive parts, so be sure to massage the genitals only if you know your massage oil is meant for that. Or, just leave those parts for the "dessert" after the massage.

Don’t Use Your Thumbs Too Much 

Some studies suggest that using your thumb while performing a massage can be stimulating and exciting. Although true, you can quickly tire out your hands and arms during a massage. This is especially true if you use your thumbs as you give your lover a sensual massage. As a result, it's best to limit the use of your thumbs in a massage so you can do it longer without making your hands sore.

But if you wish to use your thumbs, put them on top of your loved one's shoulders, neck, side of the back, or other place that should be massaged. Your thumbs should be placed just below the palms, allowing the most pressure and limiting the strength necessary.

Don’t Expect a Massage in Return

There are better ideas than giving a massage to your significant other just to receive one back. That's one of those things you should be able to tell at first glance. If you want a massage in return, you will rush it and won't fully commit to it. And trust us—your partner will feel it.

This will create tension between you—and not the sexy kind of tension, but the frustrating kind of one. As a result, neither of you will enjoy the process, and your partner probably won't be willing to give you a massage.

We suggest you treat your partner with the respect you expect in return. By doing so, your partner will want to treat you back—it might not be a massage, but it will be something you enjoy.


Don’t Ignore Your Partner's Body Language

If you want to ensure your partner is comfortable during a massage, don't just pat him or her on the back and think it is enough. Of course, it is an exaggeration, but we often want to do the minimum effort to be done with it.

That will only irritate your partner, and neither of you will be happy. You need to be aware of what your partner tells you by using your partner's body language.

Your job is to interpret that body language and be aware of the signals coming from your partner's body. What does he or she want? Does he or she want you to stop, or do they want you to continue to move where you're going?

If you try your best and try to do the things your partner likes, you will see that you will also enjoy giving the massage.

Don’t Skip the Aftercare

Aftercare is like the gentle close to a beautiful song, essential in making a sensual massage truly memorable. It’s about those small, caring gestures—wrapping your partner in warmth, offering a drink of water, or simply cuddling—that say, "I cherish this moment with you."

These acts of kindness help ease the transition back to reality, softly grounding both of you after such an intimate experience. It's not just about physical comfort but continuing the emotional connection, showing that your care extends beyond the massage. This mindful attention to detail can turn a great massage into an unforgettable bond.

Take The Sensual Massage Quiz


In Conclusion

So, now you know what not to do in a sensual massage. Sensual massage is a bonding experience, and you want it to be relaxing, sexy, and intimate, so the first thing you need to do is be prepared and find out what is turning your partner on.

It can be anything from setting the atmosphere with music and scented candles or flowers to making your partner feel loved and cared for. Then, learn which body parts your partner wants and doesn't want massaged.

If you want to get the most out of a sensual massage, take it slow and be in the right mindset. The goal of sensual and sexy massage is to make your partner want to feel close to you—physically and emotionally—and to want to feel your touch on his or her body. After that, let the body talk and enjoy the experience so your bond can become even more vital.

If you wish to learn more about what to do in a sensual massage, read these 7 steps for a successful sensual massage here.

As always, read other relationship tips and look around our store for thoughtful and sexy gifts for couples.

We would love to hear from you!

Have you made any mistakes during a sensual massage?

Maybe we missed a vital mistake that is common for couples massages? Leave your thoughts in the comment section below!


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FAQ Section

1. Can I use regular body lotion for a sensual massage?

While it might seem convenient to use body lotion, it's not recommended for sensual massages. Body lotions are not designed for massages; they can become sticky, potentially messing up the skin and surfaces like sheets and the massage table. Instead, choose a quality massage oil formulated to provide a smooth glide over the skin and enhance the sensual experience without leaving a sticky residue.

2. How can I create the right ambiance for a sensual massage?

Ambiance is crucial in setting the mood for a sensual massage. Start by dimming the lights or using candles to create a soft, inviting glow. Choose a playlist of smooth, ambient music that both you and your partner enjoy, as this can significantly enhance the relaxation and intimacy of the experience. Consider the room's scent, too; a lightly scented candle or incense can add to the sensual atmosphere without overwhelming the senses.

3. What if my partner has sensitive skin or allergies?

Before beginning the massage, discussing any skin sensitivities or allergies with your partner is important. Opt for hypoallergenic massage oils or consider using a simple, unscented oil like sweet almond or coconut oil, which are generally safe for most skin types. Doing a patch test on a small skin area before the massage can help ensure the oil won't cause an adverse reaction.

4. How do I ensure my partner enjoys the massage without making them uncomfortable?

Communication is key to a successful and enjoyable sensual massage. Start by asking your partner about their preferences, including which areas they would like you to focus on and any spots they might want avoided. Pay attention to their body language and feedback during the massage, adjusting your pressure and technique accordingly. Remember, the goal is to create a relaxing and pleasurable experience for both of you, so keeping an open dialogue can help ensure your partner feels comfortable and cherished throughout.

Related articles:

- 10 Benefits of a Couples Massage


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1 comment

  • Jack

    My age 75, my Bride (74) of 52 years, She is an absolute BABE!!! Most of our marriage I have have been lousy at satisfying my Brides sexual desires. However, I am now focused on totally doing all I can to fulfill her needs and desires without expecting anything in return! It’s a real freeing feeling for me not expecting anything in return and I think it is for her, as I reminded her the total focus is on her. After she had later expressed a desire to get sexual. My Babe is, a Very Strong, Tuff, Very Opinionated, and Beautiful Woman! At first, I was unsure how she would respond and open up?!?! I’ve given her a couple of massages and am amazed at her positive reactions and am looking forward to seeing where this leads us. I’m feeling optimistic with endless patience, I’ll be able to finally, be the man that helps her becomes fulfilled far beyond her expectations. Hold me in Prayer that I may be wise enough and patient enough to lead her through this Journey.

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